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Things not to say to a cop who pulls you over.

After getting pulled over for speeding yet again tonight (Monday night), I would consider myself an expert on speeding tickets and what to do or not to do. Here are some things that you should NOT say:

“64 in a 35? Damn. I was trying to go double the speed limit!”

“I was speeding so that I could make it home before those last three shots caught up with me.”

“Do you want free tickets to a live comedy show? No, it’s not a bribe – it’s an incentive to have amnesia!”

“Would you still give me a ticket if I took off my shirt? What if I promised to keep it on?”

“Fuck tha police! No, not you – all those other guys.”

“Ok, fine. I’ll buy a fucking ticket to the PBA ball!”

“My dad was a cop. Umm, what department? The . . . er . . . Robocop department?”

“I support you guys for what you did to Rodney King. Fuckin’ whiner.”

“So you couldn’t get into college, eh?”

“Chicken Fucker!”

47 thoughts on “Things not to say to a cop who pulls you over.”

      1. @Avitable, with the point system, you should be pretty close to having your license suspended, or is it super different in florida? Are you on the point system?

  1. Aaaah- you must be getting the old. Eventually, your young luck runs out and you start getting caught all the time. And no, I don’t need to see any testicle/ gray pubic hair shots as proof.
    Speedin’ Fucker.

  2. I got pulled over and slapped with a $400 ticket for speeding. On my way to the police station. To report my crazy ex for YET AGAIN violating the restraining order. And the police at the station were ALWAYS condescending and eye-rolly to me. Like “Oh you again? *grumble grumble sigh* I suppose you want to file another report.” Apparently because he had not beaten me YET he wasn’t considered as much of a threat. Even though the JUDGE thought he was. But it’s sure a good thing they got me– the dangerous speeder! Don’t get me started on The System.

    On the bright side that particular night I had a date with a new cutie from named KC.

  3. ha ha ha ha ha!
    When I was living in Boston I was pulled over on the 93 for going about 70. I told the officer that I didn’t realize I was going that fast, but I was so sorry. He went to his car and came back a bit later. While handing me back my license he said, “I’ll let you off with a warning for being honest. The last guy I pulled over was an oriental who denied speeding. He got a ticket!”
    Oh wait, this wasn’t a post about what a cop shouldn’t say to a driver…sorry! 🙂

  4. “Did I win?”
    “Ha ha… I beat you!”
    “What the fuck did I do now?”
    “Race you to the next light!”
    “I have seen every Police Academy EVER!! Do you make funny sounds too?”
    “No Misser ocifer sir… I haz nooo ideas how fas Iz goin!”
    “Let me see your license first!”

  5. I’ve never been pulled over for speeding, but one I’d like to try is “Yes officer, I’m well aware I was speeding, but do you realise how fast you were going to catch up to me?”

  6. Honestly officer, um honestly, um to tell you the truth, anytime you have to say honestly, or to tell you the truth,.. When was the last time you were telling the truth about something and had to make that person believe you? Whenever you do, the first things you say is either “honestly” or “to tell you the truth” because you really want them to believe you. I automatically go into disbelief mode when someone explains their actions. If you constantly say honestly, you probably constantly embellish stories and frankly probably lie frequently. Honestly and to tell you the truth rank right up there with there shouldn’t be, or that’s not mine. I know you’re carrying if I ask if there is anything in the car that shouldn’t be and you say there shouldn’t be… I’m searching…
    Drive responsibly all, others can suffer because of your decisions to do otherwise.

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