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Unoriginal names for Twilight fans

I’m sure this has been done before, but I’m refusing to search for it so that my take can be as original as possible. I was inspired after writing yesterday’s post on MoxieBird about ways to get your baby to be on Team Edward.

Fans of the Twilight books and movies have been saddled with the unfortunate moniker of “Twihard”.  However, did you know that there are small subsets of Twilight fans as well?

Get ready to groan.

If you are a fan who . . .

Thinks that vampires really should have sparkly skin in the sunlight, you’re a Twitard.

Calls Stephenie Meyer the next Shakespeare, you’re a Twibard.

Tried to get closer to Kristen Stewart by eating all of those horrible chocolates they sell at Walgreens, you’re a Twilard.

Cuts yourself and cries because you want to be loved like Bella, you’re Twiscarred.

Also likes Star Trek, you’re a TwiPicard.

Has a three-foot long penis, you’re a Twiyard.

Got so drunk to the point that you’re still drunk when you wake up, you’re Twislizzard. (Which I thought was spelled “slizzered”, actually.)

Also likes to hold up signs with stupid sayings on them, you’re a Twiplacard.

Hates ketchup, you’re a Twimustard.

Thinks that vampires were better when Anne Rice was writing the, you’re a TwiTooFuckingOldtoBeReadingYoungAdultFiction.

A very crunk Avitable and Miss

In other Avita-news, the beautiful and wonderful Miss is turning 29 today. I never would have guessed that over the last year and a half, she and I would have become the close friends that we are, but we have, and it’s awesome. It’s good people like her and Jenny and Nicole that make me yearn to live in California again some day.

Happy birthday, Miss. You’re an amazing friend. Oh, and this is the only picture of the two of us that I can find. I know there’s one where “Big Titties” is not written on your, um, big titties, and I’d love to find that – any ideas?

Update: Thanks, Miss, for this other awesome picture, sans big titties. *sniff*

7 thoughts on “Unoriginal names for Twilight fans”

  1. SERIOUSLY?? ROFL ok I know I sent you one at some point where all that writing was edited out… AND there’s a really nice pic of us from the last Vegas trip! See:

    Eh, whatever. You can use this one because I know you like how my big titties look in it. I’m so happy to have you in my life Adam! You’re a great friend. I have to saythat to anyone who has watched me pee, let me sleep in his bed with him and not even try anything, AND let me throw up in his bathroom. 😉 xoxo

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