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I Am The Very Model Of A Modern Metrosexual

I am the very model of a modern metrosexual
I use lotion on my body that smells quite delectable
My feet are pampered monthly by an old lady who is Asian
And when it’s time to get a wax I don’t need too much persuasion

Looking at me you’d think that on my hands you’d find calluses
Instead the hardest work I do is drawing cartoon phalluses
I appreciate the female form for all its grace and beauty
I also get sympathy pains monthly when you are moody

If I get bored I don’t drink beer or visit strip establishments
I’d rather sunbathe by my pool while wearing zero underpants
I don’t know who is playing who in a tournament of basketball
But I’m up to speed on which actresses were called in for a casting call

I listen carefully when you talk and remember everything you say
And in case attention has not been paid, metro does not equal gay
I am meticulous and clean and like to have my bed get made
But that doesn’t mean I’d rather be your friend and not get laid

You see in matters that may be vaginally contextual
I must explain that I am straight and not a homosexual
And the fact that my grooming makes me so damn delectable
Just means I am the model of a modern metrosexual

(with apologies to Gilbert & Sullivan)

27 thoughts on “I Am The Very Model Of A Modern Metrosexual”

  1. I married a metrosexual man … and while people may snicker that he takes longer than me to get ready, he uses far more products, and he actually reads the magazines for the articles … he GETS it!

    And holy cow … life is so much easier because of it!

  2. How bad is it that I have no idea what this is inspired/lifted/modified from? And that I care more that I ended the previous sentence with a preposition than I care to actually look up Gilbert and Sullivan or this song/poem/pop culture reference?

  3. Oh Adam that is fantastic! As soon as I saw the title in my rss reader I started singing the tune. Don’t apologize to Gilbert and Sullivan….you improved upon their work!

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