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Scumbags welcome

A church in Florida (of course) has recently made the news with a new billboard that advertises, simply “Scumbags Welcome”.

The goal is to resonate with people who may not feel any connection with some of the stricter, more conservative churches in the area, and has attracted some new congregation members, along with a few complaints from stupid people who I will assume are old and cranky and like to complain about everything.

I’d like to suggest some additional billboards for the SNL Church if this advertising campaign proves to be successful:

  • “We smite the shit out of ignorance.”
  • “Jesus totally smoked weed.”
  • “If this church is a-rockin’, don’t come a-knockin’.  No, seriously, we’re having an orgy.”
  • “Playing the guitar and soft rock makes us cool!”
  • “Don’t worry, we still think the gays are going to hell.”
  • “Not endorsed by NBC or Lorne Michaels.”
  • “Showering is optional.”
  • “We love that one line from ‘Pulp Fiction’!  But killing is bad, mmkay?”
  • “We’re not even really a church, except for tax-exempt purposes!  We have a game room!”
  • “Our collection plate accepts Dave and Buster tokens.”
  • “Our church leaders don’t molest boys.  They only sleep with young hot women.”
  • “We’re funnier than Kenan Thompson.”
  • “One cup of Kool-Aid away from a cult!”
  • “Every day is casual Friday here.  Unless you’re a woman, then don’t dress like a whore.”
  • “We’re okay with Harry Potter and Twilight.”

I’m not cynical at all, right?


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12 Replies to “Scumbags welcome”

  1. thepsychobabble

    ha. Scumbags are welcome? CLEARLY that advertising campaign is targeted right at me! I’d love nothing more than to surround myself with people who acknowledge that I am a worse person than they are, but it’s cool, because they accept that.
    No. Really. Sounds like an AWESOME time.

  2. Grant

    We had a local church near my last residence called “Church on Fire”. It looked like a small store and had no religious symbols on display, just the light-up sign in front that had the church name in front of flames. The parking lot was dirt, but the people attending drove very expensive cars and all appeared to be 30-ish yuppies in power-office attire. If they offed themselves, I’m sure it would be with some form of expensive wine instead of Kool-aid.

  3. Faiqa

    Actually, I think that’s kind of clever. I looked up the passage at the bottom of the sign.

    “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.”

    Yeah. Definitely. This church actually seems to know what it’s doing.
    And, yes.
    *I* quoted the Bible.
    On *your* blog.

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