Do you know why so many women prefer the company of assholes over men who are their good friends? Because it’s instinct. It’s nature. A man’s job, as imprinted on his genes, is to fuck. Fuck a woman, spread your seed, move onto the next woman. Impregnate as many women as you can until you die so that the world continues. That’s it. And women know this innately. Forget any of this nonsense about women liking a man that they think they can fix or embracing a challenge. In the end, women have it hardwired in their genes that their genetic job is to get pregnant as many times as humanly possible and pop out baby after baby. It doesn’t matter who the father is and, in fact, the more fathers, the better, because that will help avoid homogenization of our species. So a man who is an asshole is someone who is more likely to fuck and run and the future of our species is safe. (And I guess that the genetic jobs of the gay men and women in our society are to keep us up to date on fashion and softball techniques. And demonstrate what healthy relationships actually look like.)
Men, don’t even bother being friends with a woman that you like. It’s not worth the time and effort. Don’t get to know her, don’t listen to her, don’t actually be there for her when she needs it. Don’t talk to her on the phone, don’t anticipate her needs, and by God, don’t offer any type of support at all. Don’t pursue her or compliment her. Never show interest in her, and certainly don’t notice if she changes her hair or buys new clothes. Don’t bother remembering birthdays or important dates, and don’t be someone on whom she can rely. Don’t allow yourself to pay attention to any type of connection that exists and ignore any signs of compatibility.
Just be an asshole. Ignore her. Call her when you feel like it, but not when you told her you would. Be late for everything. Make her ask for compliments. Belittle her. Hate her friends and avoid remembering their names. Roll your eyes at her interests and concerns, and grumble under your breath at her questions. Answer her with one or two words if at all possible. Fluctuate between begrudging and horny. Shy away from commitment and get angry when it’s questioned. Be useless so that she feels needed but refuse to offer thanks for anything she does. Remain as superficial as humanly possible.
Never tell her how you feel and never wait for her to realize what she already has, because she will never get it. Walk away from her without explanation, and she won’t be able to run after you quickly enough to find out why you think she’s not good enough for you. She won’t be able to throw herself at you fast enough. And anyone who’s so fucking stupid to be her friend will get to hear about all of the things you do to her that makes her feel bad, and they’ll comfort her for you until she’s ready to drop her friendship again and come crawling back to you.
Emotions and communication have no place in a relationship between a man and a woman. All that matters is instinct, genetic survival, and self-esteem. Don’t be the idiot who is the friend. Be the asshole and be a real man.