Got the best email ever yesterday and thought I’d share it. It comes from someone named “Mep Mup” with the email address of email@example.com. I thought about replying to her personally but figured I’d do her the courtesy of replying publicly instead. Her email is in red and my replies are in blue.
That’s “Hello, Dr. Avitable” to you.
I found your site looking for Snooki pictures and I have to say that I’m appalled. Appalled sir.
I get the sense that you’re appalled. Probably not as appalled as I am that you were looking for Snooki pictures. Because, damn, I’m appalled. Appalled, ma’am.
Not because you are, as you so proudly disclaim, “rude, crude and socially unnaccpetable” but because you franlky aren’t.
You pick your blog targets with such accuracy and cherrypicking behind them, a whole demographic of people that will nod their heads in agreement because they’ve said the exact same thing before and you are probably parroting them, there’s just no way I could call you crude or socially unnacceptable.
I pick my blog targets with such accuracy and cherrypicking behind them? A whole demographic of people will nod their heads in agreement because they’ve said the exact same thing before? I would have an original reply, but I’m just parroting what you said. Oh, and *unacceptable.
You have, as I said, many people behind you agreeing and backing you up in your “opinions”,
Why is “opinions” in quotes? Is there some doubt that it’s my opinion or are you one of those morons who always puts words in quotes to give them emphasis?
did you really sit around and think to yourself about all the mediocrity around you and think you’re all above that just because you can use punctuation
As far as mediocrity goes, I consider the ability to use punctuation slightly less impressive than proper spelling yet slightly more impressive than taking the effort to write an email filled with a whiff of vague offense.
and then revel in the fact that you’re a fat, hairy middleaged man that dances to “Milkshakes”?
I’m a fat, hairy, middle-aged, BALDING man that dances. Let’s be clear. Oh, and *Milkshake.
Sir, I’m all for criticizing the dumb behaviour of other people but then you have to be able to laugh at your own stupidness in the same context.
When you call me “Sir”, I get hard. I think I’m going to laugh at my own stupidness (*stupidity) and masturbate at the same time. Ohhhhh yeah.
Also, in one post you say that women are for fucking and chucking only and then when I scroll down you say you miss cuddling and having someone to talk to even though “Emotions and communication have no place in a relationship between a man and a woman.”.
WRONG. Women are for fucking, chucking, ogling, canoodling, and molesting. Get it straight. JESUS. I do appreciate you reminding me what I wrote, though, because this boner has just pulled all of the blood out of my brain and I can’t think.
Clearly, you’re retarded.
That phrase is copyrighted and I will sue your ass back to the Stone Ages. You’ll be hearing from my lawyer. As soon as he’s done defending Casey Anthony.
I know it’s sarcasm, though I had to check the tags because the whole post was reeking with rotten bitterness.
That’s because it was a bitterly sarcastic post with a kernel of truth that applies to some people in the world. I can understand why you wouldn’t understand that it was sarcasm, though, because you’re obviously the exact type of woman about whom I was talking. How do I know this? Clearly, you’re in love with me and think I’m an asshole. So fuck off, baby, daddy’s talking.
Your blog is mostly what I would expect from a beginners comedy set, someone who tries out some jokes because he had his friends tell him he’s funny because he picked on George Bush when everyone else was.
Ooh, you loooooooove George Bush. You want to maarrrrryyyy himmmmm.
I mean, seriously? Sarah Phalin?
WOW I WONDER IF HE’LL CALL THAT STUPID WOMAN STUPID. It’s predictable and I guess that’s what people like, those “drooling sheeple” just loves it when they see something they’ve learned is a joke.
I have no problem calling stupid women stupid. You’re stupid. See? And I don’t see the point to calling someone stupid who is clearly not stupid. Like me. Can I draw you a diagram that explains it?
In short, your blog is so bitter and contradictory that I had to send you an email.
In short, my sad life is so pathetic and I am so terribly lonely that I have nothing better to do but sit in my bedroom at my parents’ house, masturbate while crying and rocking back and forth, and send you an email. (I fixed that last sentence for you.)
Wait, where are you going? Aren’t we going to fuck?