Morality is subjective

Thank you for emailing me to tell me I suck.

Got the best email ever yesterday and thought I’d share it.  It comes from someone named “Mep Mup” with the email address of  I thought about replying to her personally but figured I’d do her the courtesy of replying publicly instead. Her email is in red and my replies are in blue.


That’s “Hello, Dr. Avitable” to you.

I found your site looking for Snooki pictures and I have to say that I’m appalled. Appalled sir.

I get the sense that you’re appalled.  Probably not as appalled as I am that you were looking for Snooki pictures.  Because, damn, I’m appalled.  Appalled, ma’am.

Not because you are, as you so proudly disclaim, “rude, crude and socially unnaccpetable” but because you franlky aren’t.


You pick your blog targets with such accuracy and cherrypicking behind them, a whole demographic of people that will nod their heads in agreement because they’ve said the exact same thing before and you are probably parroting them, there’s just no way I could call you crude or socially unnacceptable.

I pick my blog targets with such accuracy and cherrypicking behind them?  A whole demographic of people will nod their heads in agreement because they’ve said the exact same thing before?  I would have an original reply, but I’m just parroting what you said. Oh, and *unacceptable.

You have, as I said, many people behind you agreeing and backing you up in your “opinions”,

Why is “opinions” in quotes?  Is there some doubt that it’s my opinion or are you one of those morons who always puts words in quotes to give them emphasis?

did you really sit around and think to yourself about all the mediocrity around you and think you’re all above that just because you can use punctuation

As far as mediocrity goes, I consider the ability to use punctuation slightly less impressive than proper spelling yet slightly more impressive than taking the effort to write an email filled with a whiff of vague offense.

and then revel in the fact that you’re a fat, hairy middleaged man that dances to “Milkshakes”?

I’m a fat, hairy, middle-aged, BALDING man that dances.  Let’s be clear. Oh, and *Milkshake.

Sir, I’m all for criticizing the dumb behaviour of other people but then you have to be able to laugh at your own stupidness in the same context.

When you call me “Sir”, I get hard.  I think I’m going to laugh at my own stupidness (*stupidity) and masturbate at the same time.  Ohhhhh yeah.

Also, in one post you say that women are for fucking and chucking only and then when I scroll down you say you miss cuddling and having someone to talk to even though “Emotions and communication have no place in a relationship between a man and a woman.”.

WRONG.  Women are for fucking, chucking, ogling, canoodling, and molesting.  Get it straight.  JESUS.  I do appreciate you reminding me what I wrote, though, because this boner has just pulled all of the blood out of my brain and I can’t think.

Clearly, you’re retarded.

That phrase is copyrighted and I will sue your ass back to the Stone Ages. You’ll be hearing from my lawyer.  As soon as he’s done defending Casey Anthony.

I know it’s sarcasm, though I had to check the tags because the whole post was reeking with rotten bitterness.

That’s because it was a bitterly sarcastic post with a kernel of truth that applies to some people in the world.  I can understand why you wouldn’t understand that it was sarcasm, though, because you’re obviously the exact type of woman about whom I was talking.  How do I know this?  Clearly, you’re in love with me and think I’m an asshole.  So fuck off, baby, daddy’s talking.

Your blog is mostly what I would expect from a beginners comedy set, someone who tries out some jokes because he had his friends tell him he’s funny because he picked on George Bush when everyone else was.

Ooh, you loooooooove George Bush.  You want to maarrrrryyyy himmmmm.

I mean, seriously? Sarah Phalin?


WOW I WONDER IF HE’LL CALL THAT STUPID WOMAN STUPID. It’s predictable and I guess that’s what people like, those “drooling sheeple” just loves it when they see something they’ve learned is a joke.

I have no problem calling stupid women stupid.  You’re stupid.  See?  And I don’t see the point to calling someone stupid who is clearly not stupid.  Like me.  Can I draw you a diagram that explains it?

Also, *love.

In short, your blog is so bitter and contradictory that I had to send you an email.

In short, my sad life is so pathetic and I am so terribly lonely that I have nothing better to do but sit in my bedroom at my parents’ house, masturbate while crying and rocking back and forth, and send you an email.  (I fixed that last sentence for you.)


Wait, where are you going?  Aren’t we going to fuck?

44 thoughts on “Thank you for emailing me to tell me I suck.”

  1. “You pick your blog targets with such accuracy and cherrypicking behind them, a whole demographic of people that will nod their heads in agreement because they’ve said the exact same thing before and you are probably parroting them, there’s just no way I could call you crude or socially unnacceptable.”

    That sounds like a compliment to me. Means you’re picking appropriate targets, then firebombing them.

    1. @Ron, he does describe himself as such and you know who else likes to describe themselves with super edgy things like that? Teens who think it makes themselves cool.

  2. You’re retarded. I love how the addition of the “clearly” makes it seem so mature when compared to my six year olds saying it back and forth to each other all day. If they would just use “clearly” I would take them seriously.

  3. Maybe she wanted to egg you on to write more posts. She knew you would respond with a post because she thoroughly researched your entries and now is an expert on your blog and person. Time to take up the offense a notch.

  4. Fuck yeah. Oh, I forgot to look at the sender’s email address but did this rant come from Anna V.? Seems she was in a troll roll yesterday with another blogger.

  5. “So fuck off, baby, daddy’s talking.”

    You guys totally skipped the best line in the whole thing! Gave me a bit of a lady-boner, honestly. And I’m not even one of those girls, I swear…well, maybe behind closed doors, a little bit…

  6. I realize that I often don’t proofread my comments before I click Post Comment, but if I were going to take the time to send you a hate email I’d at least also take the time to read through and make sure it made any semblance of sense.

    Then again, I don’t hate you.

  7. Reading this post after several cocktails may have made your whole response even better! I’ll check again when I’m sober and let you know. In the meantime, I may need to send her a little drunk hate mail just so she doesn’t feel left out.

  8. “I found your site looking for Snooki pictures…” That sentence right there says everything you need to know about her. It’s like referencing Wikipedia for credible documentation; you just don’t do it!

  9. Pingback: Hamlet's Mistress
  10. Perfect way to respond to hate mail!

    One time someone commented “Ur Pathetic” on one of my posts. Not only did I thoroughly enjoy commenting back to the grammatically offensive trollop, my siblings had a hay day coming to my defense.

    I don’t even know you – luckily just stumbled upon your blog by chance – but I must say, Bravo.

    You stay classy, but not so classy that you lose your sense of humor. It’s delightfully depraved.

      1. @Mep Mup, Thanks for the link! I loved it! I words – which is why it kills me to see them butchered into text message phonics. Grammatical details, eh – not so offensive. But use the wrong “there, their, they’re” or write something like “U no u like it, babe” and I’ll probably throw up a little in my mouth. Hope you’re not too bitter about your letter being publicly proof-read. The internet is just a cruel place – it’s not personal, but you open a lot of doors for criticism when you don’t hit spell check. No hard feelings though, huh? xoxoxoxoxo Maureen

        1. @Maureen, I’m not bitter at all, I sent a reply to this very entry and a reply email to Avitable that I hope he publicly answers too. I was just making a point that pointing out typos doesn’t win any arguments unless it’s a spelling contest.

  11. haha oh u guys. srsly tho, what I meant by “cherrypicking topics” is that, well, have you ever been to a stand-up and the guy comes on and begins with “WOMEN HUH? “, you kinda go “Oh I’ve heard these jokes a shitzillion times, how boring!”, that’s kinda what this dude is doing with his blog.

    I’m not saying he shouldn’t, wtf who am I to tell him not to, I just wanted to address his mediocrity when he, himself, makes mediocre jokes at best and then claim he’s the better and smarter one in a sea of dumdums. It’s hypocrisy and I wanted to address it.

    Also, I hadn’t put anywhere that I liked George Bush, it was an example that everyone made Bush jokes, and rightly so, but it wasn’t as edgy as Avitable likes to think himself. Frankly I had forgotten about him till he linked me to this blog entry. Now for someone to claim to be smart and great this wouldn’t rank high on my schooling level, he even just parrots a whole paragraph and then calls me “that kind of woman”, like my supposed gender matters lol. SMART and GREAT, guys, do you really have such low standards?

    All I’m saying is that with a dude with this confidence should at least show some brilliance, all I’m seeing here is a wannabe blogger so on the knifes’ edge on todays topics his mom gets cuts. And as a reminder to people saying I should keep my mouth shut, fingers still?, he did publish this wanting a reply.

    Also, send me a mail if you want to tell me how wrong I am, I love that kind of stuff.

    PS. I’m also not implying he’s sexist with that Sarah Phalin thing, I don’t have problems calling people stupid either. DS

Leave a Reply