Avitable Interviews Dead Celebrities

My interview with Amy Winehouse

Grammy-award winning crackhead Amy Winehouse was found dead today at the age of 27.  I sat down with her post-demise:

Amy Winehouse

Me: Thank you for sitting down with me today.

AW: No problem. I’m ‘appy t’ be ‘ere.

Me: Also, congratulations on joining the 27 Club!

AW: Wot?

Me: The 27 Club – Brian Jones, Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, Jim Morrison, and Kurt Cobain all died at the age of 27.

AW: Blimey!

Me: Yeah, it’s an interesting phenomenon. There are actually many more musicians who died at that age, but none quite as famous as those five.

AW: And now me, innit.

Me: Well, I don’t know that I’d consider you to be in their class as far as talent and ability. The group actually officially doesn’t even include Cobain, who had an ambition as a child to join the 27 Club.

AW: Yew don’t fink I’ve got the talent?

Me: No.

AW: You ‘ad better explain y’self.

Me: Honestly? You sound like the British version of a deep south white trash cracker with no teeth. And your music wouldn’t get nearly the attention it got if it wasn’t for the publicity over your drug and alcohol abuse and mental health issues.

AW: I don’t giv’ a farmer’s truck wot yer goin’ on about.

Me: So you really feel like you are as talented as Janis Joplin or Jim Morrison?

AW: Yer damn right.

Me: Even though the running theme through your music is just about your refusal to do anything other than party until you’re dead, which makes you about as deep as Ke$ha?

AW: Gordon Bennett! Yew fuckin’ Richard the Third.

Me: See? That doesn’t even make sense. I mean, only because I speak Cockney just as well as Barbara Billingsley spoke Jive in Airplane do I know that you said “Christ! You fucking piece of shit.” You have the vocabulary and talent of a half-brained chimp with Downs Syndrome. And you look like one too.

AW: Bloody ‘ell.

Me: Although, I did hear that Elton John is planning to write a song for you.

AW: Strooth?

Me: Yeah. It’s called “Candle in the Fuck I Don’t Actually Give a Shit This Talentless Skank is Dead.”

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27 thoughts on “My interview with Amy Winehouse”

  1. *snort* (I guess that makes two of us, except me, it’s from laughing, while we all know what AW snorts…)
    Very glad to read something about her that doesn’t talk about her and her talent as if she were the second coming… The very first time I consciously heard one of her songs, I swear I thought it was an old Dusty Springfield ‘B’ side…
    Of course, it’s sad that she couldn’t pull herself out of the shit she was in, but you can’t help but feel that there was a certain inevitability to her death…
    Great interview (and I didn’t know you spoke fluent Cockney – very impressive!).

  2. And yet… despite her mental health problems that led to years of systematic abuse and her eventual death, she somehow managed to sell millions of records, garner 23 awards from 60 nominations, have the respect of numerous established musicians, create a massive fan base, and become the inspiration for an entire generation of singers while achieving world-wide fame (and infamy). All by the age of 27. Yes, she was a mess, but the fact that you didn’t like her music and don’t approve of how she lived her life doesn’t make her death any less tragic. I’m sad she won’t be making music any more.

  3. You should feel all kinds of important as you were the one who 1st made me aware she died.
    I saw your link to your post on Twitter. So you reported it first. At least in my world 😉

  4. Oh, way to pick the most obvious, clichéd, easy-to mimic English accent, Adam!! And for once, my love, I have to vehemently disagree with you; Amy Winehouse *was* a brilliant musician and vocalist. She didn’t sing fluffy pop songs about partying, she sang deeply emotional songs about her family, her relationships, and her struggle with her personal demons. Amy died before she was able to get a grip on her addictions — YOU, thank heaven, were able to get surgical intervention before succumbing to a fatal heart attack or stroke due to morbid obesity. There are those who would take it upon themselves to criticise you for taking the “easy way out” with surgery — I’m not one of them, but I know of others who feel that way. They feel that surely you just had to be strong enough to say NO to the over-eating. I know you have not reached your goal weight yet, you are a work-in-progress … so was Amy, nobody knows if she would have finally overcome her addictions. I have an addictive personality myself and have replaced one addiction with another over the years — cigarettes, cocaine, casual sex — I’m currently on carbs, so I DO understand emotional over-eating. I would gladly take surgical intervention to cope with my anxiety disorder and resulting self-medicating, but it’s not an option at present. I don’t think Amy ever stood a chance against her personal demons; it’s just that way for some people who are overwhelmed by their own brilliance and talent and unable to cope without numbing themselves. I’ve actually sniffled and cried a little. OK, a little more than a little. I was selfishly hoping she would make another album. I just hope she is at peace now.

    Incidentally, “Back to Black” was her second album, the first, “Frank” was only released overseas. It also really showcases her amazing voice, sense of humour, and songwriting talent.

  5. Oops, I forgot to mention that “Rehab” was originally a bluesy acoustic ballad as written by Amy. It was Amy’s producer who turned it into the song made famous, but there is a video of the original and it’s quite haunting.

  6. I think talent is subjective, I personally found her incredibly talented, more so than most of the crap out there. Just because she wasn’t a huge star doesn’t mean she wasn’t talented. I love her kind of music like Adele, etc. I’m used to being in the minority though so there you go.

  7. @DanjerusKurves, You make me feel sick you dirty piece of shit
    I hope you get shot dead and and I would happily come and spit and shit all over you and all the others agreeing with you you have nothing better to do then sit down and pretend to have a interview with Amy she’s been of drugs for ages so get with it you thick shit
    She was one of the most talented people the world will ever see if she’s not good why did she win 6 Grammys in one night and make it in to the Guinness world record books for being the first British female to do it you make me sick. karma will come around after what you said you dirty sick minded cunt.
    It makes me laugh you really think Amy would sit there and listen to your shit low life scum bag.

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