It's not always about being funny.

The Avitable Pledge: Will you sign?

Yesterday, for the first time, I saw The Mom Pledge, which you can read in its entirety below:

I am a proud to be a mom. I will conduct myself with integrity in all my online activities. I can lead by example.

I pledge to treat my fellow moms with respect. I will acknowledge that there is no one, “right” way to be a good Mom. Each woman makes the choices best for her family.

I believe a healthy dialogue on important issues is a good thing. I will welcome differing opinions when offered in a respectful, non-judgmental manner. And will treat those who do so in kind.

I stand up against cyber bullying. My online space reflects who I am and what I believe in. I will not tolerate comments that are rude, condescending or disrespectful.

I refuse to give those who attack a platform. I will remove their remarks with no mention or response. I can take control.

I want to see moms work together to build one another up, not tear each other down. Words can be used as weapons. I will not engage in that behavior.

I affirm that we are a community. As a member, I will strive to foster goodwill among moms. Together, we can make a difference.

I was intrigued by the idea of this pledge because, while I agree with the sentiment behind it, I think it’s shortsighted to make it exclusive to moms. What about women bloggers who don’t have children, or dad bloggers? What about asking for civility from everyone, not just the ones with Graco ads in their sidebars?

So I decided to take it a step further. I’d like each and every one of you to leave a comment signing this, the Avitable Pledge. By doing so, you become an honorary Avitable, whether you’re male, female, or something in between, with child or without, or any type of blogger or writer or person who interacts socially with other human beings.

The Avitable Pledge

I am proud to have higher brain functions.  I will apply critical thinking and react with clear thought when I am faced with unknown, stressful or difficult situations.

I pledge to view ignorance and anonymity as weaknesses.  Those who wield those traits as weapons are to be pitied but they have earned whatever punishment occurs. They do not deserve our sympathy or respect.

I believe that there is no situation that cannot be approached with a sense of humor. That said, each person has at least one thing that they will never find funny or appreciate, and that’s okay.

I stand up against bullying and harassment in all its forms.  I will not shy away from calling out bullies and harassers in public forums, and I will not tacitly support their actions by remaining silent.

I refuse to apply any standards to others that I will not apply to myself.  Only by striving to be the best can I expect that from any other person.

I want to see your point of view.  Putting myself in your shoes can be difficult, but I will try my hardest to realize that my perspective is rarely objective.

I affirm that I will be honest with you and trust you at your word.  If at all possible I will avoid lying and omitting truths.  There is never a good reason to lie and there are hundreds of reasons not to.  If you lie to me and betray that trust, that’s not my fault.

I’m an elitist condescending intellectual perverted asshole, but I manage to follow this pledge to the best of my ability.  What about you?  Will you take the Avitable pledge?

P.S.  This post originally started as a parody of the Mom Pledge, but then as I started writing it, I realized I wanted to write a sincere post.  For those of you who are getting sick of my serious posts, here is a joke for you:

You’ve got to hand it to midgets.  No, literally.  They usually can’t reach.

106 thoughts on “The Avitable Pledge: Will you sign?”

  1. With the exception of seeing anonymity as a weakness, I believe in everything you’ve said. Some people are anonymous for non-malicious reasons and I think they have a right to be so. In any case, I’m in!

    1. @Natalie S, anonymity is definitely a weakness, even if there’s a reason for it, but my only real problem is when someone wields anonymity as a weapon. If someone wants to be anonymous and isn’t malicious, that doesn’t affect anyone except them, and I support that.

    1. @Dave2, it is mostly common courtesy. But sometimes people need to re-affirm that courtesy and refresh memories on why it should be done in the first place. Also, I don’t think everything I wrote up is completely rote common sense, either – just most of it.

  2. I love this. But Adam, they are Little People or Little Persons, they do not like “midget.”

    That said, I’m adding you to my Links I’m Crushing on Page Tonight. (Continuously updated because I have OCD and am fickle.)

    XXX- Girl to Heidi

  3. Hmm… I’d like to think I have a part in this 😉

    Just as my fellow ho Jessica at Found the Marbles said, there are plenty of space for everyone in the blogosphere… even for Adam. LOL. Just kiddin’… or not really.

    I stood by the Mommy Pledge, because well, I believe in all its goodness, plus ha! I’m a mommy. You got a good point there, about starting a pledge that includes just about everybody, not just mommies.

    But just because we’re slightly different in our pledges, doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy your blog. Actually, I must admit I’ve got a bit of a blog crush here with AvitaBALLS. I’ve never laughed as long as I did when reading a post. Love your humor, sarcasm, and most of all, honesty. *sigh* Wish I could write as brilliantly as you, but hey, there’s a reason you’re a lawyer and I’m not, right?

    Anyhoo, glad to have found your blog through Blog Pimps and Comments Ho. Love ya!

    ps: if any of those f*cking trolls ever come near my blog or my loved ones, is it ok if I just sent them to you for maximum public defamation? I can’t remember? I’ve taken the Mommy Pledge (and therefore it’s rated G).

    1. @Sweaty of Do Sweat Thesmallstuff, you totally had a part in it! I think the Mom Pledge is a good idea, like I said, just not broad enough. And send your trolls my way. That’s perfectly acceptable. 🙂

  4. I like it, I do. I agree and I think your Avitable pledge is good…

    …then there is the part of me that — after reading both the mommy pledge and then your variation — immediately thought of the old Steve Martin bit, “The Non-Conformist’s Oath” which went something like this:
    “I promise to be different.
    I promise to be unique.
    I promise not to repeat things other people say.”

    That’s the first place my mind went.

      1. @Avitable, because this pledge is not just to be decent, it is also about using higher brain power, finding ignorance weak, and trying on new perspectives. Often, you have a long list of comments telling you how awesome you are. And how right! You truly are awe-inspiring. But on the few times I have seen someone comment against you, your only defense? comeback? answer? has been to attack the semantics, grammar, or spelling. These things do not require any of the characteristics in your first three articles in your pledge. And I would not want to sign my name to a pledge that means nothing even to the one who wrote it.

        1. @Allyson, that’s entirely false. Anytime someone has said something that’s actually well-thought out and intelligent but disagrees with me, I respond in kind. Abject hate and poorly worded comments that have no basis are definitely mocked and belittled. I respect people who can disagree without relying on infantile histrionics.

          1. @Avitable, ok. I apologize. I admit I do not read every comment on every post. I probably missed the respectful replies you have given. And my comments probably go unanswered because I take too much time to consider my words, and feelings on the subjects I bother to comment on.

          2. @Allyson, the only times I haven’t replied to your comments is if I hadn’t had time to reply to anyone or if the comment is days after the post was written and I just neglect to get back to it to reply.

  5. Consider it signed.
    I’m just curious as to what the inevitable initiation ceremony is going to be – I react pretty badly to head-down-the-toilet, woken-at-fuck-that-o’clock-with-cold-water type situations, but I guess if that’s the price to pay…

  6. I will join your movement, mostly because I’m big on NOT hiding behind internet anonymity.
    As an honorary Avitable, do i have to shrink my penis to the size indicated on your blog header?

  7. I have to go with Dave2 here. I really don’t get making pledges that basically tell you to behave yourself and treat other people the way you want to be treated. But I do promise to practice what I preach, how’s that?

  8. I was just told to check you out today and I was not disappointed! Awesome.
    Also? If you’re an elitist condescending intellectual perverted asshole, that would make me an elitist condescending intellectual perverted bitch.
    Nice to meet you.

  9. I’d sign, but I’ve heard that Avitable pledges are what county Commissioners of Jurors use to send out jury duty notices. So, I’m going to have to pass. It’s bad enough that the DMV and local voters registrar are sending out my info.

  10. I needed this today. Thank you. Facing the fact that my 4YO may have a socialization issue requiring professional help has been a hard pill to swallow. However, I’m finding humor in the prospect of him being a clinically-diagnosed asshole to be downright hilarious.

    Yes, there is no situation that can’t be made better with humor.

  11. So this means you’re honest RIGHT?! Like you honestly sleep with her and LIED to her husband. You’re disgusting pig, Amy deserved so much more. You’re the biggest hypocrite here. You lied to everyone and kept trying to cover it up. The others knew, they hated how you drug them into your mess. Honest my ass.

  12. Hey if it means I get to be an honorary Avitable… count me in!

    There’s something to be said about sticking to your guns, even if it mens stomping the ever-living-shit out of somebody’s toes.

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