2012 has a lot of promise, and I plan on making the most of it. This will be my year, and these are my New Year Resolutions.
In 2012, I resolve to do the following:
- Continue to look for new lines to cross and boundaries to push.
- Punch fewer nuns and shake fewer babies.
- Push myself to write new material for my stand-up.
- Do what makes me happy, not what I think others want me to do.
- Embrace the fact that I am an attention whore and be the best whore I can be.
- Take a real vacation.
- Use “crunk” in a sentence.
- Lose thirty more pounds.
- Turn thirty-five years old on January 26th.
- Punch more sharks and shake more ninjas.
- Earn enough income to hire someone to take care of sales for my business so that I can start traveling to do comedy.
- Tell those I love how I feel on a consistent and regular basis.
- See more women naked.
- Push the envelope on my blog as far as I can.
- Make another calendar for 2013.
- Walk more.
- Get more critical with my television viewing and pare down my television time.
- Keep stripping negative influences and negative people out of my life.
- Remember to stay honest, all the time.
- Forgive myself for being so fucking awesome.
- Step outside my comfort zone and try something new.
- Stop charging so much for mustache rides.
- Push myself to say “no”.
- Learn to dance.
- Sing more, strangle a cat less.
- Throw away every pair of manties that has a hole in it.
- Buy more manties.
- See if you can actually kill someone with kindness.
- Smile more.
- Be me.
What about you?
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