Captain Rantypants Featured Image

In lieu of homicide

Over the past week, I’ve felt my temper rising, just hiding under the surface like one of those zits that really hurts and you know it’s there but there’s nothing you can do about it.  I don’t lose my temper or get angry very often, and finding good outlets for my frustration is a reason for that.

There are times, though, when I have to actively resist shaking someone.  Just pick that person up by his or her collar and shake and shake and shake until I’m too tired to shake anymore.

Even people that I care about can drive me absolutely crazy.   I know this isn’t news to anyone who has friends and family, but I have extremely high tolerance levels when it comes to the people I like.  I’ll forgive almost any action and defend everything.

But today?

Today I’m sick of the wishy-washy fencesitters, the flakers, the mid-chat disappearers, the age-regressing drinkers, the hollow promisers, the hacks, the blind glass-is-half-fullers, the fundamentalist disagreers, the revisionist rememberers, the liars, the teasing self-esteem-builders, the unrepentant misspellers, the constant show spoilers, the moron-pandering creators, the haters, the only-when-convenient prayers, the gender-destroying misogynists, the colluders, the vicious schadenfreudophiles, the my-shit-doesn’t-stinkers, the inequality-supporting apologists, the tree-hugging crazies, the system abusers, the never-acting complainers, the emotion avoiders, the sarcastic deflectors, the jealous-but-unwilling-to-providers, the inferiority-complex bullies, the mumblers, the inconsequentially meticulousers, the oblivious inconveniencers, the conscious choice slackers, the hot-tempered projectors, the deriders, the always-promising inactors, the no-moderation never-againers, the vacuous space-starers, the gullible never-researchers, the gender-lumping assumers, the movie-watching chatterers, the uggos, the rabble-rousing hiders, the chest-bumping cavemen, the race-betraying steretoype-perpetuators, the raucous color wearing lazy-boy-athletes, the no-personal-space close standers, the arbitrary rulemakers, the emasculation-fearing controllers, the personal property disrespecters, the cheapskates, the like-and-yanno overusers, the blindly-unquestioning followers, the trying-too-hard pretenders, the unapologetic shit-stirrers, the cowards, and, more than anything else, the fat hairy internet whiners.

63 thoughts on “In lieu of homicide”

  1. So, basically you hate people right now.

    I can relate. Especially mid cycle when my tolerance for every living person on the planet goes out the window. Are you sure you’re not a girl? LOL!

    My general fix is a bottle of wine while camped out in my PJs on the couch eating ice cream and watching awesome TV while ignoring the phone and computer.

    Give it a try! And I hope you feel better without committing murder.

  2. yeah, i’m like half those people on the list. at least i think i am, i own uggs.

    and well, i’m annoying.

    sorry you hate people. i know that feeling, sometimes it just breaks on through (to the other side… are you singing along now? i am).

  3. I stopped by because Tracy said you weren’t feeling happy these days. You just need something better to worry about. For instance, my diabetes has progress and my left foot is in bad shape and may need to be amputated, but I can’t afford it because I’m out of work and have no insurance. I applied for benefits, but so far I’ve been turned down by every agency because I made too much money last year. But despite all that I’m happier than I’ve been in over a decade. I have no bosses or customers in my life, the laundry is done, and I have a muffin. And if all that didn’t enhance your happy, then – *pat* *pat* *pat*

  4. Totally off topic but remember that one time you posted a pr0n of a dude fucking a snake or something along those lines? I had the opportunity to tell that story today and I’m STILL scarred for life.
    Thank you. Thank you very much.
    Now, smile fucker. 🙂

      1. @Avitable, omg… I’m almost too scared to open that. I don’t think my poor head could handle that again but maybe I’ll make the husband watch it? Since he thinks it’s so funny and all.. <.<

Leave a Reply