Over the past week, I’ve felt my temper rising, just hiding under the surface like one of those zits that really hurts and you know it’s there but there’s nothing you can do about it. I don’t lose my temper or get angry very often, and finding good outlets for my frustration is a reason for that.
There are times, though, when I have to actively resist shaking someone. Just pick that person up by his or her collar and shake and shake and shake until I’m too tired to shake anymore.
Even people that I care about can drive me absolutely crazy. I know this isn’t news to anyone who has friends and family, but I have extremely high tolerance levels when it comes to the people I like. I’ll forgive almost any action and defend everything.
But today?
Today I’m sick of the wishy-washy fencesitters, the flakers, the mid-chat disappearers, the age-regressing drinkers, the hollow promisers, the hacks, the blind glass-is-half-fullers, the fundamentalist disagreers, the revisionist rememberers, the liars, the teasing self-esteem-builders, the unrepentant misspellers, the constant show spoilers, the moron-pandering creators, the haters, the only-when-convenient prayers, the gender-destroying misogynists, the colluders, the vicious schadenfreudophiles, the my-shit-doesn’t-stinkers, the inequality-supporting apologists, the tree-hugging crazies, the system abusers, the never-acting complainers, the emotion avoiders, the sarcastic deflectors, the jealous-but-unwilling-to-providers, the inferiority-complex bullies, the mumblers, the inconsequentially meticulousers, the oblivious inconveniencers, the conscious choice slackers, the hot-tempered projectors, the deriders, the always-promising inactors, the no-moderation never-againers, the vacuous space-starers, the gullible never-researchers, the gender-lumping assumers, the movie-watching chatterers, the uggos, the rabble-rousing hiders, the chest-bumping cavemen, the race-betraying steretoype-perpetuators, the raucous color wearing lazy-boy-athletes, the no-personal-space close standers, the arbitrary rulemakers, the emasculation-fearing controllers, the personal property disrespecters, the cheapskates, the like-and-yanno overusers, the blindly-unquestioning followers, the trying-too-hard pretenders, the unapologetic shit-stirrers, the cowards, and, more than anything else, the fat hairy internet whiners.
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Twitter: mommabethyname
says:
Sorry. I’ll try to stop the whining. But it’s sooooo hard.
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@Stephanie, do you *want* to be shaken?
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Twitter: mommabethyname
, January 20th, 2012: 2:38 PM
@Avitable, Honestly? Today? Yes.
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@Stephanie, well it’s no fun if you want it!
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So, basically you hate people right now.
I can relate. Especially mid cycle when my tolerance for every living person on the planet goes out the window. Are you sure you’re not a girl? LOL!
My general fix is a bottle of wine while camped out in my PJs on the couch eating ice cream and watching awesome TV while ignoring the phone and computer.
Give it a try! And I hope you feel better without committing murder.
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@Jennifer, I had a Chick-fil-A cookies and cream shake and went back to bed. Does that count?
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@Avitable, absoeffinglutley.
Whoops, I may have unintentionally enraged you. Have more ice cream and pretend it was just a bad dream.
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Twitter: undercovermama
says:
I was doing just fine with you complaining about me until you called me hairy. WTF, man?
Seriously, though? I hope it gets better.
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@B, I’ve seen your mustache!
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Twitter: msmegan
says:
Are you on your period?
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Twitter: shannonannon
, January 20th, 2012: 2:16 PM
@Megan, I love that I frequent a blog where this is a totally on point, hysterically funny and non-offensive reply.
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@Megan, when Britt and Amy used to be in the house at the same time, I swear to God that I would somehow get sympathetic PMS!
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@Megan, LOL, I was thinking the same thing!
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Hmmmm…..I think homicide would have been less confusing.
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@Hockeymandad, I will shake you!
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I feel like I should probably leave you alone for a little while.
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@Anna Tyrone, I just need a drink. Or 10.
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@Avitable, I’m on my way.
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Twitter: lceel
says:
Kinda pissed, eh?
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@lceel, just annoyed and about to explode on some poor person who doesn’t deserve it, if I didn’t get that out there.
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Twitter: coalminersgd
says:
You are SUCH a whiny ass when you’re on the rag. We must be on the same cycle because I hate all those people, too. Including my mother, one of the unapologetic shit-stirrers.
Fuck. We need daiquiris.
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@Coal Miner’s Granddaughter, I’m going to be drinking hurricane punch tonight!
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Twitter: Rad sugar
, January 20th, 2012: 8:12 PM
@Coal Miner’s Granddaughter, oh yeah, “unapologetic shit-stirrer” is one of the MOST accurate labels for my mom that i’ve ever heard.
i love it.
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Twitter: Alimartell
says:
I’m sure I’m at least one of those kind of people…
(Also…what’s an UGGO? Is it a person who wears uggs? Because sadly, I am guilty of that. heh.)
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@alimartell, I don’t think you’re any of those people, actually. And with regards to uggos: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DN8OupC7C1E
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You just go get yourself some chocolate ice cream, your comfiest pjs and the best chick flick you can find. You’ll feel a million times better tomorrow I promise.
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@Neeroc, I feel so bloated too!
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Twitter: amomstruth
says:
Sending you lots and lots of {{{hugs}}}. ‘Cause you sound like you need extra today. <3
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@Sage, nah, just need to blow something up!
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I think I qualify for 40% of those people.
I am also a bathtubfarter.
You still love ME? Right? Right?
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@ADW, yeah, I *guess*.
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@Avitable, *guess*
I don’t like your tone mister.
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You might have left out pinko commies.
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@gorillabuns, that’s a given.
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Twitter: bleubrunette
says:
I fall into “the cheapskates” …
… one day that’ll change. Today? You can hate me though. <3
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@Sarah, deal!
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Twitter: MrsLoulou
says:
Phew! In one of those people you’re hating right now. Yay, me!
Great post, A.
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Twitter: MrsLoulou
says:
Ah, fuck. I MEANT: Phew! I’m glad I’m not one of the people you’re hating today!
Damn it to hell why do I always make typos when I leave you comments?!?
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@Loukia, I should have added “incapable of spelling in commenters” –
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Twitter: hellohahanarf
says:
i’m kinda afraid to leave a comment or you will hate me, too.
xoxo
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@hello haha narf, never!
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I think you called me out 27 times in that list. Pretty impressive.
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@Ickaboo, it’s a talent.
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Sadly, your list is shorter than mine. Maybe I should just start broadening my categories.
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@Gamanda, after I wrote it I came up with about 20 more that I decided to forego.
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Twitter: VerdantDude
says:
Ditto.
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@B.E. Earl, what are you, Patrick Swayze?
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Twitter: Rad sugar
says:
yeah, i’m like half those people on the list. at least i think i am, i own uggs.
and well, i’m annoying.
sorry you hate people. i know that feeling, sometimes it just breaks on through (to the other side… are you singing along now? i am).
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@rose, owning Uggs has nothing to do with being an uggo! Here’s the link about uggos: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DN8OupC7C1E
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Twitter: Rad sugar
, January 22nd, 2012: 11:50 PM
@Avitable, oh scrubs. i’m so UN-hip!
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Ah – but you don’t hate fuckers, do you, fucker?
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@Sybil Law, no, I fucking love fuckers.
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Twitter: poppycede
says:
You hated everyone but me and Dave yesterday! What a great anniversary present!! <3
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@Poppy, <3
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I stopped by because Tracy said you weren’t feeling happy these days. You just need something better to worry about. For instance, my diabetes has progress and my left foot is in bad shape and may need to be amputated, but I can’t afford it because I’m out of work and have no insurance. I applied for benefits, but so far I’ve been turned down by every agency because I made too much money last year. But despite all that I’m happier than I’ve been in over a decade. I have no bosses or customers in my life, the laundry is done, and I have a muffin. And if all that didn’t enhance your happy, then – *pat* *pat* *pat*
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@Grant, can you qualify for a cyborg foot that shoots lasers?
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Totally off topic but remember that one time you posted a pr0n of a dude fucking a snake or something along those lines? I had the opportunity to tell that story today and I’m STILL scarred for life.
Thank you. Thank you very much.
Now, smile fucker.
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@Rachel, I do remember that! That was one of the best and worst videos I’ve ever posted. Here it is, bee tee dub: http://www.avitable.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/05/snaked_fucker.wmv
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@Avitable, omg… I’m almost too scared to open that. I don’t think my poor head could handle that again but maybe I’ll make the husband watch it? Since he thinks it’s so funny and all.. <.<
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@Avitable, FUCK, I watched it again. GODDAMN IT i hate you so hard right now.
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@Rachel, bwahahahaha!
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Twitter: themuskrat
says:
I hope to one day be all of these things for you.
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