Adam Avitable in first grade, Grace Academy

The life lessons I’ve learned.

On Thursday, I turn 35.  (It’s not too late for you to buy me a present either.)

It’s not really a milestone, except that I will no longer be in that vaunted 18-34 age demographic.  There’s nothing special you can do after you turn 25 – the rest of your birthdays are just an accumulation of time as you continue your inexorable march towards the grave.

All you can do as you age is try to keep learning and striving for perfection and happiness, which may be mutually exclusive.  But you have to try lest you find yourself a stagnant lump entrenched in a time long past.

The beauty of our generation is that we have tools at our disposal to record our lives more substantively than any prior generation.  My blog can stand as a testament to my mediocrity, my descent into madness, or even as a gauge for my emotional growth – however I decide to live my life and share it with the Internet.

For my future reflection and as a means to grasp onto some perspective, here are some of the lessons I’ve learned over the last 34 years that I’ve lived:

Posture is important, but so is not pulling up your shorts to your nipples.

Adam Avitable in first grade, Grace Academy

There is always someone smarter, more attractive, funnier, or quicker, but there are a lot more people who are dumber, uglier, slower, and who think Dane Cook is funny. Hang around with those people instead.

Never be ashamed of who you are, even if you feel the need to distinguish yourself from the crowd by painting your toenails.

Adam Avitable paints his toenails

You cannot judge someone until you’ve been in the same place they have, and even then, judging takes a lot more effort than letting go.

Not all elderly black janitors are wise and honest.  Some are crazy assholes.

Confidence is the difference between the Comic Book Guy and the Kingpin.  Also, own your nerdiness.

Comic Book Guy vs. Kingpin of Crime, Wilson Fisk

Come early, come often, but make sure she comes more.

Edit. Your words, your life, your friends. Everything is improved with editing.

Even though it may feel like shorts, everybody knows you’re just wearing underwear.

Adam Avitable in his underwear grabbing his crotch during BlogHer 2009
Photo thanks to Jenny Grace (click me)

Drink your girly drinks proudly and stick your pinky finger out as far as you can.

Making life changes for someone else will lead to failure and resentment.  Whether it’s losing weight, quitting smoking, pursuing a dream, or even just moving – it has to be for you.

Some people are meant to have beards and should never ever EVER shave.

Adam Avitable with no beard

It’s never too late to pursue your dreams, unless your dream is to have sex with Bea Arthur because sorry, dude, she’s dead.

Anyone who criticizes you constantly is not doing it out of love. They’re doing it out of self-hatred.  Unless it’s your mom, then it’s totally out of love.

Even when you tell the truth, people may not believe you.  That’s okay – you know that you’re telling the truth, and that’s what is important.

Adam Avitable doing a parody of Levi Johnston's Playgirl centerfold pose

Shame is overrated. The only societies that still celebrate shame are backwards ones.

Be generous with your friends, but only with the friends who don’t ask for generosity. Otherwise, you risk being someone whom will be taken advantage of.

The Earth will outlive humanity so don’t waste your time recycling.

Adam Avitable celebrates his 27th birthday at Chuck E. Cheese

You are never too old to go to Chuck E. Cheese.

53 thoughts on “The life lessons I’ve learned.”

  1. “Even when you tell the truth, people may not believe you. That’s okay – you know that you’re telling the truth, and that’s what is important.”

    I have a hard time with this, still. I really hate feeling like loved ones don’t believe me when I’m telling the truth. I have trouble with doubting myself on some things. But I’m A LOT better than 4 years ago.

    Do you always follow this? Do you ever get really frustrated when someone doesn’t believe your truth?

  2. I love you, man. Thank you for everything and I hope you know how very grateful I am to know you. I’d say that you’re one in a million, but i don’t know that many people so I can’t say it truthfully.
    😛 wish i could come celebrate your oldness with you.
    Fucker.

  3. Happy early Birthday (by a day at least).

    The life lessons are well learned. Now if they would stop closing up these Chuck E Cheese locations, I could still make a visit to eat a cheese pizza and play 40 video games (tokens are king there)

  4. but seriously, i don’t agree with this:

    “There is always someone smarter, more attractive, funnier, or quicker, but there are a lot more people who are dumber, uglier, slower, and who think Dane Cook is funny. Hang around with those people instead.”

    i find that i am a better person when i hang around folks smarter, prettier, funnier, quicker, etc. kind of awesome how i am elevated by my friends. i mean, why would anyone want to be queen of the dipshits?

    maybe it is just me. oun’t know.

  5. I had heard a rumor that Chuck E Cheese wouldn’t allow you in without a child. I guess that kills my dream of getting rich renting out my daughter for the young at heart’s entrance to CeCs. Damnit.
    Happy Birthday! You now owe me at least the cost of my child’s college tuition. I figure we can call that fair since you quashed my scheme.

  6. I think that the older I get, the more important it is to me to do things that make me happy, regardless of what anyone else thinks. Actually, that’s more the point: the older I get, the less attention I pay to other people’s opinions of me.
    I’m so happy that I know you. Watching you the past couple of years has been amazing and instructive in the art of being happy.

  7. Happy birthday! At your young age, you are far ahead of me, as I have just learned this one:
    “Anyone who criticizes you constantly is not doing it out of love. They’re doing it out of self-hatred. Unless it’s your mom, then it’s totally out of love.”

  8. How about I get you a sample pack of craft beers for your birthday specially chosen by me so that you can finally find one that you might actually enjoy? Beers flavored by bananas, spices, chocolate and the whatnot.

    (ahem)

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