Adam Avitable at the movies

Why I Love Movies

I saw this over at Ain’t It Cool News, a movie news site I’ve been reading since 1995.  I thought it was a really great concept, and decided to do it myself.

Adam Avitable at the movies

Why do I love movies?

Because Shirley, you can’t be serious.

Because of the schwartz.

Because this is for Matilda.

Because of the big badaboom.

Because we named the dog Indiana.

Because you eat pieces of shit for breakfast?

Because of the existentialism of Martin Blank.

Because I believe a man can fly.

Because you are my density.

Because girl scout cookies are made from real girl scouts.

Because I’m not even supposed to be here today!

Because of Stuntman Mike.

Because ack! Ack! Ack Ack!

Because Mohammed is the most commonly used name on Earth.

Because of Bart Simpson’s yellow penis.

Because “Yippi ki yay, motherfucker.”

Because of the hamburger phone.

Because of Andy and Woody.

Because Zed’s dead.

Because of scissorhands.

Because of M and Q.

Because men and women can’t be friends.

Because of Jack’s smirking revenge.

Because I see dead people.

Because of the pop quiz, hotshot.

Because it does not say RSVP on the Statue of Liberty.

Because Wopner is on.

Because, nice beaver.

Because sometimes the frank and beans get caught.

Because you never cross the streams.

Because of Sidney Prescott.

Because of “Chopsticks” on a giant piano.

Because nobody puts Baby in the corner.

Because of Mallory Knox.

Because of TPS reports.

Because you should come with me if you want to live.

Because danger is my middle name.

Because of zombie Bill Murray.

Because I want my Nazi scalps.

Because of the Kobayashi Maru.

Because Caesar says “No!”

Because it’s time to light the lights.

Because you’re a freak like me.

Because I’m a dude playing a dude, disguised as another dude.

Because the rug really tied the room together.

Because it’s Frahnkenshteen.

Because I am a leaf in the wind.

Because three, four, better lock your door.

Because Finkle is Einhorn.

Because we can make bunk beds and have room to do activities.

Because they called me Mr. Glass.

Because of boat drinks.

Because the world will end in 28 days, 6 hours, 42 minutes, and 12 seconds.

Because if you spend $3,000, that would get you a million frequent flier miles and you would never have to pay for a ticket the rest of your life.

Because I flew across the room and you got fucked in the eye.

Because you’ve got red on you.

Because a doughnut without a hole is a Danish.

Because you should put it on the Underhills’ bill.

Because of Cousin Eddie.

Because of Dracula: The Musical.

Because of flux capacitor and repulsor technology.

Because you won’t like me when I’m angry.

Because you’re a daywalker.

Because how can you possibly be expected to handle school on a day like this?

Because you shook Sinatra’s hand.  You should know better.

Because the snozzberries taste like snozzberries.

Because I’m the ghost with the most.

Because he put the painting back while she watched.

Because of what’s in the box.

Because I’m Kick-Ass.

Because Andy didn’t fight the good fight.

Because there is no try.

Because life is like a box of chocolates.

Because of Mr. Pink.

Because of a plethora of pinatas.

Because I’m putting this whole town in my rear view.

Because of Hattori Hanzo.

Because I promised to kill you last, Sully.

Because I’ve got you, babe.

Because of Hans Zimmer, John Williams, Danny Elfman, and Trent Reznor.

Because of the fifth of November.

Because how do you like them apples?

Because of true blave.

Because of Adrian!

Because we’re following the yellow brick road.

Because we’re going to need a bigger boat.

Because of the fourth prime directive.

Because Quaid’s life is just a dream.

Because if your clients want to sit on my shoulders and call themselves tall, they have the right to give it a try, but there’s no requirement that I enjoy sitting here listening to people lie. You have part of my attention. You have the minimum amount. The rest of my attention is back at the offices of Facebook, where my colleagues and I are doing things that no one in this room, including and especially your clients, are intellectually or creatively capable of doing.

Why do you love movies?

(Oh, and for those of you who want to know which movies I’m referencing. In order, here they are:

Airplane!, Spaceballs, Leon (The Professional), The Fifth Element, Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, Happy Gilmore, Grosse Pointe Blank, Superman, Back to the Future, The Addams Family, Clerks, Death Proof, Mars Attacks!, Superbad, The Simpsons, Die Hard, Juno, Toy Story, Pulp Fiction, Edward Scissorhands, the James Bond films, When Harry Met Sally, Fight Club, The Sixth Sense, Speed, Clueless, Rain Man, Naked Gun, There’s Something About Mary, Ghostbusters, Scream, Big, Dirty Dancing, Natural Born Killers, Office Space, Terminator, Austin Powers, Zombieland, Inglourious Basterds, Star Trek, Rise of the Planet of the Apes, The Muppets, The Dark Knight, Tropic Thunder, The Big Lebowski, Young Frankenstein, Serenity, Nightmare on Elm Street, Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, Stepbrothers, Unbreakable, Things To Do In Denver When You’re Dead, Donnie Darko, Punch Drunk Love, The Sweetest Thing, Shaun of the Dead, Caddyshack, Fletch, Vacation, Forgetting Sarah Marshall, Back to the Future, Iron Man, The Hulk, Blade, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, Ocean’s Thirteen, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, Beetlejuice, The Thomas Crown Affair, Se7en, Kick-Ass, Shawshank Redemption, Star Wars, Forrest Gump, Reservoir Dogs, The Three Amigos, The Town, Kill Bill, Commando, Groundhog Day, numerous films (Batman Begins, The Dark Knight, Star Wars, Superman, Indiana Jones, Edward Scissorhands, PeeWee’s Big Adventure, Men In Black, The Social Network), V for Vendetta, Good Will Hunting, The Princess Bride, Rocky, The Wizard of Oz, Jaws, Robocop, Total Recall, The Social Network.

34 thoughts on “Why I Love Movies”

  1. Because if it’s not one thing, it’s your mother.

    Because all he has to do is not love him.

    Because your mother is nothin’ but a common street whore.

    Because of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?

    Because if it wasn’t love, it was a lot like it.

    Because you’re my exception.

    Because the new phone books are here!!!!

    Because winter must be cold for those with no warm memories.

    Because they’re boobs, Ed.

    Because I’ve got ninety friends on Facebook, twelve of them are pending, but I got ninety friends.

    Because of boats & hoes!

    Because it’s mind bottling.

    Because I’m not under any orders to make the world a better place.

    Because I killed the president of Paraguay with a fork.

    Because a cactus gram reeks more then your abandonment.

    Because you’re a virgin who can’t drive.

    Because some of ’em got smarts real good, like me.

    Because only assholes use the word pansy.

    Because you’re not special enough to overcome a bad marriage.

    1. @Andrea, I love that we had some of the same movies on there but chose different moments. Most of yours stumped me, but I know I saw Harry Potter, The Jerk, Erin Brockovich, Stepbrothers, Grosse Pointe Blank, Clueless, and Footloose. Thanks for participating!

      1. @Avitable, the other ones were Nine Months, Pay it Forward, Four Christmases, A Lot Like Love, Hes Just Not That In To You, An Affair To Remember, Due Date, Blades of Glory, Reality Bites, Juno, Urban Cowboy & Terms of Endearment.

  2. Because the man calls all the shots.

    Because it’s probably some kind of hunting lodge for rich weirdos.

    Because in a good shoe I wear a size six but a seven feels so good I buy a size eight.

    Because serious trouble beats serious boredom.

    Because I am not intoxicated…yet!

    Because I know that I am very fortunate to have a lady friend who just happens to have an Adam’s Apple.

    Because air raid or it’s your ass.

    Because damn! I should’ve read to you more.

    I love your list, “Because Finkle is Einhorn” had me laughing out loud. One of my favorites.

      1. @Avitable,
        Empire Records, RHPS, Steel Magnolias, Dangerous Lives of Altar Boys, McLintock!, To Wong Foo Thanks for Everything Julie Newmar, Dazed & Confused, Riding in Cars With Boys

        Just some of my top picks! I’m a huge movie buff, but most of my favorites are things I’d be way to embarrassed to admit!

  3. OK, I’ll give it a go for reals…

    Because Shirley, you can’t be serious.
    – Airplane
    Because of the schwartz.
    – Spaceballs
    Because this is for Matilda.
    – Leon (The Professional)
    Because of the big badaboom.
    – The Fifth Element
    Because we named the dog Indiana.
    – Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
    Because you eat pieces of shit for breakfast?
    – Happy Gilmore or Billy Madison
    Because of the existentialism of Martin Blank.
    – Grosse Point Blank
    Because I believe a man can fly.
    – Superman?
    Because you are my density.
    – Back to the Future
    Because girl scout cookies are made from real girl scouts.
    – ???
    Because I’m not even supposed to be here today!
    – Clerks
    Because of Stuntman Mike.
    – Grindhouse
    Because ack! Ack! Ack Ack!
    – ??? (Bloom County hasn’t been made into a film?)
    Because Mohammed is the most commonly used name on Earth.
    – Men In Black?
    Because of Bart Simpson’s yellow penis.
    – The Simpson’s Movie
    Because “Yippi ki yay, motherfucker.”
    – Die Hard
    Because of the hamburger phone.
    – Juno
    Because of Andy and Woody.
    – Toy Story
    Because Zed’s dead.
    – Pulp Fiction
    Because of scissorhands.
    – Edward Scissorhands
    Because of M and Q.
    – Men in Black (leading me to believe my answer earlier was wrong)
    Because men and women can’t be friends.
    – When Harry Met Sally
    Because of Jack’s smirking revenge.
    – Fight Club
    Because I see dead people.
    – The Sixth Sense
    Because of the pop quiz, hotshot.
    – Speed
    Because it does not say RSVP on the Statue of Liberty.
    – ???
    Because Wopner is on.
    – Rain Man
    Because, nice beaver.
    – The Naked Gun
    Because sometimes the frank and beans get caught.
    – Something About Mary
    Because you never cross the streams.
    – Ghostbusters
    Because of Sidney Prescott.
    – Scream
    Because of “Chopsticks” on a giant piano.
    – Big
    Because nobody puts Baby in the corner.
    – Dirty Dancing
    Because of Mallory Knox.
    – Natural-Born Killers
    Because of TPS reports.
    – Office Space
    Because you should come with me if you want to live.
    – Terminator (and Terminator 2)
    Because danger is my middle name.
    – Austin Powers…the first one
    Because of zombie Bill Murray.
    – Zombieland
    Because I want my Nazi scalps.
    – Inglorious Basterds (sp?)
    Because of the Kobayashi Maru.
    – Star Trek 2: The Wrath of Khan
    Because Caesar says “No!”
    – Rise of the Planet of the Apes
    Because it’s time to light the lights.
    – ???
    Because you’re a freak like me.
    – The Dark Knight?
    Because I’m a dude playing a dude, disguised as another dude.
    – ???
    Because the rug really tied the room together.
    – The Big Lebowski
    Because it’s Frahnkenshteen.
    – Young Frankenstein
    Because I am a leaf in the wind.
    – Serenity
    Because three, four, better lock your door.
    – Nightmare on Elm Street
    Because Finkle is Einhorn.
    – Ace Ventura, Pet Detective
    Because we can make bunk beds and have room to do activities.
    – Step-Brothers
    Because they called me Mr. Glass.
    – Unbreakable
    Because of boat drinks.
    – Things to Do in Denver When You’re Dead – AWESOME!
    Because the world will end in 28 days, 6 hours, 42 minutes, and 12 seconds.
    – Armageddon? Deep Impact?
    Because if you spend $3,000, that would get you a million frequent flier miles and you would never have to pay for a ticket the rest of your life.
    – Up in the Air
    Because I flew across the room and you got fucked in the eye.
    – ???
    Because you’ve got red on you.
    – Ugh…I want to say Buffy (when Tara got shot), but that’s a TV show. ???
    Because a doughnut without a hole is a Danish.
    – ???
    Because you should put it on the Underhills’ bill.
    – Fletch
    Because of Cousin Eddie.
    – Rocky Horror Picture Show
    Because of Dracula: The Musical.
    – Forgetting Sarah Marshall
    Because of flux capacitor and repulsor technology.
    – Back to the Future and Iron Man?
    Because you won’t like me when I’m angry.
    – The Hulk
    Because you’re a daywalker.
    – Blade
    Because how can you possibly be expected to handle school on a day like this?
    – Ferris Bueller’s Day Off
    Because you shook Sinatra’s hand. You should know better.
    – Ocean’s…13?
    Because the snozzberries taste like snozzberries.
    – Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory
    Because I’m the ghost with the most.
    – Beetlejuice
    Because he put the painting back while she watched.
    – Seven?
    Because of what’s in the box.
    – Ugh, okay…Seven.
    Because I’m Kick-Ass.
    – Kick-Ass
    Because Andy didn’t fight the good fight.
    – ???
    Because there is no try.
    – The Empire Strikes Back
    Because life is like a box of chocolates.
    – Forrest Gump
    Because of Mr. Pink.
    – Reservoir Dogs
    Because of a plethora of pinatas.
    – Three Amigos
    Because I’m putting this whole town in my rear view.
    – It’s a Wonderful Life
    Because of Hattori Hanzo.
    – Kill Bill
    Because I promised to kill you last, Sully.
    – Commando
    Because I’ve got you, babe.
    – ???
    Because of Hans Zimmer, John Williams, Danny Elfman, and Trent Reznor.
    – Great film composers (add Basil Poledouris to that list)
    Because of the fifth of November.
    – V for Vendetta
    Because how do you like them apples?
    – Good Will Hunting
    Because of true blave.
    – The Princess Bride
    Because of Adrian!
    – Rocky
    Because we’re following the yellow brick road.
    – The Wizard of Oz
    Because we’re going to need a bigger boat.
    – Jaws
    Because of the fourth prime directive.
    – RoboCop?
    Because Quaid’s life is just a dream.
    – Total Recall
    Because if your clients want to sit on my shoulders and call themselves tall, they have the right to give it a try, but there’s no requirement that I enjoy sitting here listening to people lie. You have part of my attention. You have the minimum amount. The rest of my attention is back at the offices of Facebook, where my colleagues and I are doing things that no one in this room, including and especially your clients, are intellectually or creatively capable of doing.
    – The Social Network

    1. @B.E. Earl, I didn’t expect you to guess them (and you probably didn’t notice that I edited the post to include all of the movies I was referencing). But to correct yours:

      Pieces of shit – definitely Happy Gilmore. It’s a Shooter McGavin line.

      Wednesday Addams wonders if girl scout cookies are made from real girl scouts.

      The aliens from Mars Attacks! say “Ack” too, though I wish there was a Bloom County movie.

      McLovin’ made the comment about Mohammed, and M and Q are from James Bond. Cher Horowitz talked about the Statue of Liberty. It’s time to light the lights when you’re getting ready for the Muppets, and Tropic Thunder is where Robert Downey, Jr. is a dude playing a dude, disguised as another dude.

      I’m glad you recognized the Things to Do in Denver When You’re Dead quote – I love that movie! The world ending quote is from Donnie Darko, and the frequent flier miles quote is from Punch Drunk Love.

      Cameron Diaz got fucked in the eye during The Sweetest Thing, and Simon Pegg got red on him in Shaun of the Dead.

      According to Ty Webb from Caddyshack, a doughnut without a hole is a Danish, and Cousin Eddie is from Vacation.

      Thomas Crown put the painting back while she watched, and Bill Murray had to listen to “I’ve Got You, Babe” over and over again.

      Nicely done, though!

  4. Because if he gets up, we’ll all get up, it’ll be anarchy!
    Because my home life is un…satisfying.
    Because it’s a fat girl’s name
    Because Some people are born fat, and some people are born thin, and if you look at them you can still see the thin person inside. You are pushing maximum density.

    Because Toto, I don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore.

    May the force be with you!

    Because I uh, I don’t like my job, and, uh, I don’t think I’m gonna go anymore.
    Because I’ve never really liked paying bills. I don’t think I’m gonna do that, either.
    Because I love ‘Kung Fu’.
    Because I’d say in a given week I probably only do about fifteen minutes of real, actual, work.
    Because I deal with the god damn customers so the engineers don’t have to. I have people skills; I am good at dealing with people.

    Looks like you’ve been missing a lot of work lately.
    Peter Gibbons: I wouldn’t say I’ve been *missing* it, Bob.

    Excuse me, I believe you have my stapler…

  5. because everybody gets laid! because you must “finish him!” because i just cant wait to be king because ” IM THE JUGGERNAGHT BITCH!! beacause you dont mess with the babysitter!

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