With the movies “The Avengers” and “The Dark Knight Rises” both coming into theaters in the upcoming weeks/months, I’ve seen a lot of unnecessary and troubling arguing going on in the geeky fanboy world. One camp is pro-Avengers and one camp is pro-Batman, to the detriment of the other. Why can’t you enjoy both and want both to succeed and make lots of money and be good movies? Why does one have to be better than the other?
It’s petty and stupid and obnoxious. And it prompted me to write this post. I’m not going to be like that. You can have your shitty favorites and your weird opinions, and I’ll still like you. You see . . .
I’ll still be your friend, even if/when you:
- Think “The Wire” is better than “Buffy the Vampire Slayer”;
- Don’t dip your fries in mayonnaise;
- Choose Team Edward;
- Enjoyed “Fifty Shades of Grey”;
- Consider Macs to be superior computers;
- Exercise;
- Vote Republican;
- Disparage “Jersey Shore”;
- Hate chocolate;
- Find Angelina Jolie attractive;
- Have an AOL email address;
- Prefer Pepsi to Coke;
- Speak Klingon instead of Shyriiwook;
- Choose vegetarianism as a life choice;
- Watch “Big Bang Theory”;
- Don’t watch “Community”;
- Think Marvel is better than DC or that any character is better than Superman;
- Dislike Ke$ha;
- Recycle;
- Find Dane Cook or Jeff Dunham to be funny;
- Love your Android;
- Have never seen “Veronica Mars” or “Firefly”;
- Despise Los Angeles;
- Type in textspeak, even in emails or IMs;
- Wear Crocs;
- Drive under the speed limit;
- Join the ranks of people who bitch that “SNL just isn’t as funny as it used to be”;
- Won’t make a Facebook account;
- Shop at Walmart;
- Choose In-N-Out over other fast food;
- Like Dan Brown’s books;
- Think men should be hairless;
- Don’t own a microwave;
- Would rather watch Star Wars: Episodes I-III instead of IV-VI;
- Consider any movie to be superior to the book upon which it was based;
- Still have a VCR and an answering machine;
- Watch “American Idol” or “The Voice” or “America’s Got Talent” or anything else like that;
- Drive a hybrid;
- Root for a sports team of any type;
- Don’t eat bacon;
- Refrain from posting self-portraits of yourself on Instagram and Facebook regularly;
- Prefer blondes or brunettes to redheads;
- Like Jay Leno;
- Would rather cook a meal at home than go out to a nice restaurant;
- Call TV the “idiot box”;
- Watch Fox News; or
- Comment on posts through Facebook or on Twitter instead of on the actual post.
What about you? What will you forgive your friends for doing?
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Twitter: piperoflove
says:
You make me smile SO HARD
@Piper of Love, xo
Twitter: Blogography
says:
But will you still be my friend if…
- In addition to not choosing Team Edward, I also don’t choose Team Jacob, and think that anybody choosing sides in a movie franchise as shitty as “Twilight” should seek professional help?
- I not only consider Macs to be superior computers, but don’t consider non-Macs to be computers at all?
- Not only do I disparage “Jersey Shore” at every opportunity, but believe that eradicating everybody on that show would make this world a better place?
- I not only find Angelina Jolie attractive, but also an amazing actress?
- Not only do I choose vegetarianism as a life choice, but I fully support revoking all government meat subsidies so that people will have to pay ACTUAL price for unhealthy meat products that are destroying our planet? (Enjoy that $10 Big Mac!)
- In addition to watching “Big Bang Theory,” I also read the fan fiction devoted to it?
- I not only feel that Batman is better than Superman, but Matter Eater Lad could probably defeat Superman in a fight?
- Not only do I join the ranks of people who bitch that “SNL just isn’t as funny as it used to be” but think this applies all the way up until Will Forte left?
- In addition to not eating bacon, I feel that soy bacon substitute tastes better than the dead pig flesh version.
- I not only refrain from posting self-portraits of myself on Instagram and Facebook regularly, but think guys who do are overcompensating for having a tiny penis?
Would ya, huh? Would ya, huh? Would ya, huh?
@Dave2, maybe. I’d have to really, really, REALLY, think about that.
I’m a Coke while shopping at Walmart kind of gal…but never wearing Crocs.
@Ally, that’s close!
Huh, it looks like our friendship is at least “strained”.
@Kyra, hahahah! Nah, we both think redheads are awesome and that trumps all.
Since we don’t agree on a whole hell of a lot, I think it’s pretty obvious my friends don’t have to be much like me for me to like them.
Fucker.
@Sybil Law, you have boobs, and I agree with boobs.
Twitter: NkdGirlinaDress
says:
I will still be your friend if/when you:
–Get breast implants.
–Buy a PC instead of a Mac.
–Don’t like baseball.
Here’s three from me.
@Naked Girl in a Dress, I don’t buy PCs, I build them from scratch!
Twitter: iqueeniem
says:
Mayo on fries is the only thing that should be on fries and Pepsi gives me heartburn. I can’t diss Mac since it’s UNIX based, no VCR but an answering machine (it’s virtual so that’s a plus). I don’t know who Edward is but I have been to the Jersey shore … it’s lovely. Oh and I always comment on the blog post so we should be friends!
@Martina, I agree. You win!
Twitter: alimartell
says:
Obviously, I fail miserably at this test…
since The Wire > Buffy.
But I’m giving it a chance…so I should get extra friend points for that
@alimartell, you do – you get extra bonus points for sticking through Buffy after not enjoying it. I’ll convert you yet!
Twitter: VerdantDude
says:
I’ve argued with you on this topic before.
Superman sucks.
@B.E. Earl, your mom sucks!
zsxdcfvbnhjmkojtiydsatuyetiyiojk. i love you
@Anna Tyrone, yeah? xo
Twitter: NonaNelson
says:
Good to know there are not many impediments to our friendship, but I must confess to never having seen an episode of “Buffy.” Are these items weighted? Do I get extra credit for absoultely never voting Republican, shopping at WalMart or watching Faux News?
@Nona Nelson, you do indeed get extra credit! A ++
Twitter: msmegan
says:
I will forgive my friends for making lists of things they find “permissable” or “impermissable,” thereby making people feel back for their own preferences.
Love,
The hybrid-driving, recycling, Big Bang Theory-watching, Mac-loving redhead. xo
@Megan, at least you’re a redhead. That trumps all.
Twitter: karensugarpants
says:
… that you listen to that shitwhore Ke$ha. I forgive you.
@Karen Sugarpants, she’s amazing. She’ll be the next Mrs. Avitable, so help me Jeebus.
Twitter: hellohahanarf
says:
you really don’t recycle?
@hello haha narf, no, recycling is dumb. The costs involved in recycling and the waste involved is worse than not recycling – it’s just a way for humanity to feel good about being selfish.
@Avitable, I recycle water. And air, I suppose.
Twitter: twinmomoftwinz
says:
…Saying some fucked up things in the name of humor.
But dammit, dude, for some reason I can’t quit you. I admittedly find some of it funny.
@Stacey, says the woman who licked my ear. There should be no limits with you!
Twitter: twinmomoftwinz
says:
@Avitable, Shh. I’m trying to pretend like I have some morals. Don’t wreck the illusion
Twitter: angellad
says:
This post is reason #523 that we are friends. Love.
I DO like to cook at home, but I ALSO like to go out to eat.
@Angella, now if only you were a ginger . . .
Twitter: angellad
says:
@Avitable, I have auburn hair, but have to cover the greys, and my stylist uses a darker shade. My hair gets quite red in the summer if I don’t color it.
Proof, from when I was a kid:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/ourcrazylife/6673750299/in/photostream
@Angella, oh, well will you look at that?!
Twitter: jana0926
says:
Wow. Is 12 of them a deal-breaker? I hope not.
@Jana, 12? Damn.
Twitter: jana0926
says:
@Avitable, Yeah. I’d list them but some would get me kicked off the island
Twitter: Jayman3768
says:
I used to draw the line at people who find Jeff Dunham and his racist puppets funny, but you’ve inspired me to be more accepting and tolerant.
@Jay, when he’s not doing the racist shtick, he’s got a few decent bits.
I’ve got #5 and #6 on the above list. So glad we remain friends.
Related, I get a pass for “America’s Got Talent” this time around due to Howard Stern being a judge.
@martymankins, that’s true. Howard does legitimize it a little.
Twitter: themuskrat
says:
Good. I plan to do all of these, just to test our friendship .
@the muskrat, for you, nothing can break the bonds of friendship. Except those serial killer glasses.
While The Princess Bride book was wonderful, I still think the movie was better. Of course, the list of things better than The Princess Bride movie is shockingly short.
@Ren, I’ll admit I’ve never read the book.
Twitter: poppycede
says:
I adored The Avengers and love Batman.
No wonder we are friends, we are almost 100% agreed on all of the above.
I recycle, though. Have to.
@Poppy, have to? It’s mandatory or what?
Twitter: poppycede
says:
@Avitable, recycling is The Law here. Whatever that means.
http://www.grownyc.org/recycling/whattorecycle
The problem is, society is very obsessed with polarization and sectarianism. It loves giving itself ultimatums, or figuratively speaking, laying down the fence. I’m the type of person who says, “I’m not on the fence. I just wouldn’t have one there” simply because amalgamation is the best policy when it comes to gray areas, and is actually the very crux of democratic belief. I’m also a firm believer of “left wring, right wing, both wings of the carrion crow” in that extreme, opposite ends of the spectrum further hammers the truth which George Orwell tried to evoke through Animal Farm, but don’t let me digress now.
Back on topic, the Avengers vs Dark Knight Rises feud is obviously perpetuated by the movie industry as a way of hooking people in to make their judgments. I don’t understand why. Though their salient themes are antithetical, they are essentially the same type of movie: comic book heroes with lots of action, lots of babes, and lots of drama.
@Leila, I think that the Batman films as directed by Nolan tend to be more like film, while Avengers is more like a movie.
@Avitable, I disagree in the sense that having a more somber theme doesn’t make it better. The Batman films were enjoyable to me as action movies. Albeit, different from the cheesiness that is the Avengers (which honestly I think is what they aim for).
Twitter: Seewhatyoumeme
says:
NOW I know why we’re friends. That’s a wonderful list.