I believe that a good man is the head of his household. He is a good provider for his family and that is his job. A good women is the neck. She supports him, holds him up, and steers him in the right direction. I think the highest achievement a women can reach is to be a great wife . . . . I want to stay home. Clean the house. Cook dinner. I want those things to be my priorities.
This was a response from a girl who had messaged me on OkCupid this week. At some point during the conversation, she had mentioned that she had traditional family values, and I asked her to elaborate.
I replied that I think women and men are equal in all ways and that the highest achievement a woman can reach, in my opinion, is to be a great woman, independent of anything else, and definitely not dependent on making someone else happy.
Her reply was a long rambling one that ended with “I’m sorry you think that makes me somehow inferior . . . Good luck.”
I don’t think she’s inferior. SHE thinks she’s inferior. She has the opinion that the HIGHEST achievement that she can reach in life is to be a good wife? To make someone else happy? Men and women are equal. It is not equality to make your ultimate goal in life to make someone else happy.
Or maybe they’re not. Maybe men and women aren’t equal. In fact, now that I consider it, they’re not. Women are superior. A woman can make life. She can create a life inside her. And if you can make a baby, a child, a human being, but your idea of achieving something great in life is to make me a really great sandwich, I think your priorities are out of whack.
There is nothing wrong with traditional values. There is value in chivalry and devotion and supporting those who you love. I have no issue with someone who aspires to be a good spouse. I want to get married again someday and be the best husband I can be. I want to have kids and be the best dad I can be. But that’s not my limit. I can be the best person, the best comedian, the best writer, the best Avitable that I can possibly be.
I could never be married to someone whose aspirations end with being a great wife. The pressure that someone’s idea of success in life is dependent on your approval of, enjoyment of, and/or satisfaction with her actions and behavior is overwhelming. That’s not a relationship built on mutual respect, love, and admiration – it’s one built on some degree of servitude, however minute it may be.
If you want to stay home and cook and clean and do laundry and be the “neck” of the household, that’s awesome. Many people embrace and love the role that they play in their lives. But have aspirations beyond your spouse, have an identity beyond your relationship. What if that person leaves you? Or dies? Or lets you down? What does that do for your self-esteem and the value you placed on your entire life?
Be the best person you can be. If you do that – if you can focus your energy into that as the pinnacle of achievement for you – you can be a great spouse, a great parent, a great speaker or writer or lawyer or janitor or nurse or doctor or stripper – whatever you want, but it’s because you’re being the best YOU.