When I got a request from the rep for Eckler’s Chevelle asking if I would be willing to write a sponsored post talking about working on my car, I may have laughed until I peed myself a little.
While the environment has been shifting to be more accepting that men come in all shapes and sizes, there is still a general consensus with regards to what activities, desires, actions, and thoughts are “manly” and belong to someone who can identify himself as a “real man.” And that’s most definitely not me. I have plenty of good traits, and I’m very clearly a man and do manly things, but there are so many elements with which I don’t identify nor am I capable of understanding. Sure, there are a lot of generalizations, but what good is the Internet if you can’t make sweeping statements like the ones below?
- Real men can drink beer for enjoyment. I can only drink beer if I make an “icky” face while I do it.
- Real men don’t mind getting their hands dirty and enjoy creating something with hard work and their own two hands. I would rather not screw up my manicure.
- Real men like women who are stacked like hot air balloons. I like the ABCs of boobs.
- Real men would restore a classic car on the weekends for fun. I spend my weekends with the Gilmore Girls DVD set and watch it over and over again.
- Real men like to watch sports and go to Superbowl parties. I like to sit in the kitchen and talk, except during the commercials.
- Real men process their thoughts and emotions internally. I talk everything out (and I do mean everything) ad nauseam.
- Real men read newspapers and magazines and thrillers and mysteries. I read Twilight and the Hunger Games series.
- Real men have gotten into a fight. I got beaten up once when I was 12.
- Real men cry at that one scene from Armageddon when Bruce Willis dies. I cry when Juno MacGuff gives birth in Juno.
Obviously, there are exceptions, and I fully expect at least one Real Man of Genius (® Budweiser) to comment and be outraged that he doesn’t do one of those things but he’s a real man. Of course you are, sweetheart. And yes, I know women do these things too. THIS IS BROAD STEREOTYPICAL HUMOR, PEOPLE, SO STOP BEING SO LITERAL.
Disclosure: I received compensation for writing this post.
Additional disclosure: I’m not wearing any pants right now.
Final disclosure: I just ate an entire bag of coconut M&Ms. I’m not proud.