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To the sad, the lonely, the anonymous, the pathetic …

This was originally a comment I posted in a forum that focuses on trashing popular and well-known bloggers without any basis in fact or reality. I’ve edited it and added content.

You’d think this type of behavior wouldn’t surprise me anymore.

You’d think that I wouldn’t bother wasting my time reading through pages of belittling insults, passive-aggressive comments, gossip, rumors, speculation, and very little fact. Pages filled by comments from people who must be absolutely perfect in order to be able to judge someone else so casually while maintaining their own anonymity.

I forget, sometimes, that so many people have this need to discuss and/or manufacture controversy because it’s how they entertain themselves. I actually try to be an optimist and assume that people are, on a whole, good people.

But then I read these words. I read people who hide behind fake names to throw their stones and stomp their feet and gnash their teeth.

“How dare he/she?”

“Well, I heard that he/she did this . . .”

“You know that he/she’s like this . . ”

“Can you believe that he/she’d write that?”

“I heard from someone that he/she did this . . .”

“I’ve never met him/her, and I’m glad because I’d have to stop myself from hurting him/her if I did.”

This isn’t a soap opera. This isn’t manufactured drama designed to fill your entertainment needs. Life isn’t pretty, and it’s not easy. It doesn’t fit into the spaces we create in our minds.

A blogger doesn’t owe you anything. We are writing about our lives, but no matter how much we write, it’s still only a small part of who we are. The person behind the words is more dimensional, more faceted, and more complex than the painting that each of you creates, with broad, sweeping brush strokes. You don’t deserve an explanation for actions, and answer to questions, or insight into a choice. You get the right to read the words we put out there, or you get the right to hit that little cliched “x” in the top right.

My name is Adam Heath Avitable. I live at 407 Silver Oak Lane in Altamonte Springs, FL 32701. My phone number is 818-398-2079. I was married. I had an affair. I am single and trying to figure out my life. I’m not perfect, and I’m always learning and growing. But I’m here and putting myself out in the world for anyone to read, and for the short-sighted, petty, lonely people out there to judge. I own my words and I never say anything that I can’t defend.

Who are you, hiding out there and pretending that you know anything about the world? Who are you to say a single word about the life of someone else?

Next time you decide you want to comment or share your pathetic, anonymous voice, when you think you deserve something from someone who you don’t know and who wouldn’t want to know you, when you think that any of us owe you a goddamn thing, I would urge you to step back and really look at who you are.

Because, honestly, you’re the only person looking at you right now. Nobody else cares.

79 thoughts on “To the sad, the lonely, the anonymous, the pathetic …”

      1. @Avitable, thanks 🙂 I also need to point out that it’s not just the trolls who choose to remain anonymous that tend to attack some of us, it’s actually people we know who use the information against us to the best of their ability and if we let them – which was a hard lesson for me to learn a few years ago.

        1. @Kathy, that’s very true. As you know, I learned that lesson too.

          But that type of attack is more about trust and whether or not you’ll let the jealous actions of someone you once knew affect your ability to trust in the future. This type of attack is about an expectation to which someone has no right.

          What you’re talking about deserves a post – hell, it deserves a book of its own! 🙂

          1. @Avitable, Truth, truth, truth! lol Yeah I’ve never understood how people who don’t know the poster/blog owner can expect explanations of something that has nothing to do with them. Never.

  1. A…the fuck…men.

    Anonymous comments aren’t worth the bandwidth they are written upon.

    Sad, lonely and pathetic indeed. You may not always like what i have to say, but i will always sign my name to my convictions and reap the rewards or consequences of doing so.


      1. @Avitable, This is absolutely true. We all fall into it. It’s the nature of the blog beast. However, two things set me apart from the persona that you described in your blog.

        A) I DID sign my name to what I said, no matter how right or wrong it might have been at the time, and

        B) I DID apologize to everyone involved when I discovered that at least part of the information I received was not necessarily true.

        If that were not the case, we would not be having this conversation, would we? 😉

  2. Only thing that I would add to Mo’s comment is, “TOTALLY” badass, and I love it too! Mind your own fucking business and be happy that there are a lot of talented bloggers on the internetz.

    1. @Shan @ Last Shreds Of Sanity, these people? They don’t even know what 4chan is. Most of them are women at home who live vicariously through bloggers and have nothing but jealousy and bitterness fueling them.

    1. @Cecily, we may disagree on many things, but the right of a blogger to say whatever he or she wants without having to answer to an anonymous audience is one thing on which we’ll always agree. Thanks for the comment!

  3. I’ve come close to bailing on the blogosphere several times because the horror was just getting to be too much. But for every person who is a raging ass-hat, there’s somebody reading my blog that makes it all worthwhile. I’ve made entirely too many friends… good friends… to let all the other drama and douchebaggery get to me. Leave a crappy comment on my blog? You just wasted your time. The delete button is just a click away, and you’re forgotten.

    And yet… for me it’s not the general nastiness that gets me down… on my blog or others. I’ve become really good about ignoring the noise and tuning out the bullshit.

    Nope. For me it’s the rampant speculation. Speculation that ends up being spread around as fact. I don’t talk about my work, so I must be unemployed. I don’t talk about women I date, so I must be gay. I don’t talk about my family, so we must be estranged. I don’t talk about friends, so I must not have any. Etc. Etc. No matter how much information I put on my blog it’s never enough… there are a few people who feel that they’re entitled to know everything about me and, when they don’t find it, they invent it. Then make it their mission to tell everybody else on the blogosphere.

    It’s… tiring. I stopped fighting it long ago, but it’s still tiring. And it never seems to end.

    1. @Aunt Motherfucking Becky, while it definitely applies to your situation, it also applies to every case like this, and even though I know it’s futile to try to reason with the pathetic trolls out there, I had to try.

      1. @Avitable, Oh yes. This is one of those ugly things that comes with the territory of having a blog. Pretty soon you piss someone off, they begin rumors, and you realize that really, there are really people like this out there. None of us make enough money to have our kids called ugly and our private lives the subject of speculation and lies.

        1. @Aunt Motherfucking Becky, and I don’t even make money. I think in 13 years, I’ve probably made maybe $1,000 over the years total.

          Nobody deserves to have anonymous vitriol directed at them, yet every single person who does that shit is too afraid to ever give their name out.

  4. Bravo!

    I’ve been struggling with WHY in the world these people do what they do. I just don’t get it. The majority of bloggers (not unlike actors) are doing what they do *not* for straight up attention, but for connections and a love of the craft. Recognition for what they/we do is awesome; everyone loves validation. But ultimately I blog because I love to write and I love to connect with others through shared experiences.

    It sucks that these assholes are trying to ruin what other people love. For what? Attention and an opportunity to spew their own inner dialog at someone else for a change is my guess.

    1. @Ewokmama, The bigger question is not why the two people responsible for this site created it, we know they are horrible little trolls, but why the MANY people who populate the comment sections and forum are allowed to have unsupervised internet access.

      If it wasn’t for those assholes, this site would just be another blog languishing in obscurity on the ‘net. And who the fuck raised these bottom feeders? Were they human?

    2. @Ewokmama, generally speaking, these people are going to have massive inferiority complexes. They’ll feel like they can do better than the people they’re deriding, but they’re too scared (or have some other excuse) why they haven’t been able to succeed in that arena. They don’t like to take responsibility for their lives, so it’s easier to pick on someone else and feel superior while remaining anonymous instead of examining how low they’ve fallen.

  5. Yep, I’m an open book and even I only share a portion of my life. Although, I’m not popular and I highly doubt anyone even discusses my life or my blog haha I am sort of thankful for that really, I don’t think I would enjoy being in this big blogging community drama. Glad to have missed all of that.

  6. I’m a lurker mostly, but this brought me out. Sometimes I read you and I think you are a jerk, other times I read you and I think you are hysterical. And then sometimes I read your stuff and it just leaves me speechless.

  7. I love it when people spend two minutes on Google, and expect me to be all scared when they post my address and other publicly-available information as if they’ve just pulled off the greatest hack since the Morris worm.

    The idea of me and my family fearing mortal danger because some random person knows my last name shows just how far we’ve fallen from “the home of the brave”.

  8. You forgot to add “spineless” to your description of trolls. It’s so easy to hide behind your computer. If you really stand behind your comments then fucking own up to them. My favorite trollish commenter one that criticized me for being a bad mom after I wrote about a paticular tantrum my 3 year (at the time) had. It was all tongue in cheek but clearly he or she wasn’t gettin’ it and said I should have had a better handle on my child and that these things wouldn’t happen if I were a better mom. Sad, lonely and pathetic indeed.

  9. I have never understood WHY people do things like this. I guess I have more of a life than most of them. I can’t be bothered to try to pick stuff apart and prove that people are lying. WHO CARES???

  10. I like your swag.

    I guess my blog isn’t popular enough to be on one of those sites, but like you i don’t really give a good Goddamn what people think. I’m just happy with my occasional, sexually explicit, comments from Bama Trav and Heff.

    Go figure.

  11. Adam,

    I read your blog all the time (well, not ALL the time, but when I have time I read your latest posts). I like you. I love your blog. But I’m concerned about you posting your address. I’m worried some lunatic is going to kill you in your sleep. I don’t want you to die! I understand why you did it, but still!

    🙂 Karen

  12. This is great. I think I know what site you’re referring to, and yea, sometimes I read it and snarf a bit at what people have to say about bloggers I don’t particularly like. The thing that chaps my ass the most is the amount of people on there who will question how much money a blogger makes and how they can afford to do the things they do. I had no idea that was a thing people felt so entitled to know. It’s not like some mommyblogger who goes on the occasional weekend outing with her girlfriends has the potential to affect the economy the way Mitt Romney does, so I really don’t give a shit what she does with her money or how much she makes, and I think it’s really tasteless that people think bloggers should give out that information.

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