I was thinking about the past year and some of the ups and downs and accomplishments and failures I’ve experienced. What better way to recap 2012 than with a poem?
I met a girl with ginger curls
And I fell in love instantly
She’d break my heart and from the start
I should have treaded carefully
I traveled west and had the best
Vacation that I can recall
Great sex and fun, too quickly done
I was gleefully in her thrall
This was the date to celebrate
My one-year anniversary
Of telling jokes to lots of folks
And sometimes monetarily
I taught a class, and showed my ass
Performed at the Comedy Store
LA is great and I can’t wait
To live in that city once more
Adam ODed on too much weed
At an impromptu house party
His heart got smashed and he got trashed
Because love made him not smart-y
My head got hot, I sat and thought
And decided to shave it bald
I thought it might give all a fright
But sexy is what it got called
July was hard, life was in shards
And finances were in shambles
I cried a lot, my heart was shot
But I stayed alive to ramble
In NYC, I stopped to breathe
And saw all of the friends I miss
Home. Inspired, not even tired
With goals I aimed to accomplish
I wrote a book. Go take a look.
Good reviews were immediate
I’m proud of this. It made me miss
The thrill I get when I create
Myself I found Canada bound
And I love America’s hat!
I met new friends, tied up loose ends,
Got my mojo back on the track.
Facebook was full of stupid bull
So ready for the election
I ran away from turkey day
And watched my Netflix selection
It’s time for fun, year’s almost done
I’m ready to embrace thirteen
When it’s brand new, I’ll feel it too
And have more loving, less hurting.
And now, more recap, behind the link, because this has turned into one long-ass post.
The widespread use of so many different types of social media means that sometimes you have to follow someone on twelve different sites just to see everything they post. I try to cross-post certain material between Facebook and Twitter, for example, but not everything gets the exposure I’d like. So I took the time to scroll through my Twitter feed and picked my Favorite 12 Tweets of 2012:
Damn. I keep forgetting to write "2012" and have been writing "Fuck off, Monday" instead.
— Adam Heath Avitable (@avitable) January 2, 2012
Every time someone says "I'm not racist, but…", a black angel gets a really bad credit score.
— Adam Heath Avitable (@avitable) January 9, 2012
In honor of the anniversary of the Challenger explosion, I'm going to see how many people can *actually* fit inside a Volkswagen Beetle.
— Adam Heath Avitable (@avitable) January 28, 2012
I hate falling asleep with music on because then I dream in montage.
— Adam Heath Avitable (@avitable) May 3, 2012
There's nothing wrong with being the person to eat the last Oreo unless you're also the one who ate the first Oreo and all Oreos in between.
— Adam Heath Avitable (@avitable) June 3, 2012
Why is it so hard for someone to say "I love you"? Or at least say please when they say "Put down the chloroform"?
— Adam Heath Avitable (@avitable) June 27, 2012
So much work to do! I'd say that I wish I could clone myself, but everybody knows I'd just end up having sex with myself all day instead.
— Adam Heath Avitable (@avitable) August 16, 2012
"Said nobody ever" says everybody way too much.
— Adam Heath Avitable (@avitable) September 12, 2012
People who drive slowly in the passing lane should be stabbed repeatedly, but only from the right side. For irony.
— Adam Heath Avitable (@avitable) September 13, 2012
OH: You can use "OH" if you want to say something that's funny but too racist.
— Adam Heath Avitable (@avitable) September 15, 2012
Domino's offers a gluten free pizza. I wonder if it comes with tissues for your tears as you watch your friends eat a real pizza.
— Adam Heath Avitable (@avitable) October 27, 2012
World of Beer: A place for beer drinkers to train to be bigger and snobbier assholes than wine drinkers.
— Adam Heath Avitable (@avitable) December 2, 2012
This year, I also began creating graphics on Facebook that can be shared and enjoyed. Or at least shared and used as an example of things nobody should ever say. They ran the gamut from profane to slightly less profane, and if you haven’t yet liked Avitable.com, go do it right now so that you can enjoy any new graphics that I come up with! Here are my Favorite 12 Facebook Graphics of 2012:
I didn’t write as much as I have in previous years, and when I did write, I noticed a distinct shift from the funny to the darkly serious, to raw, honest posts. These posts are the ones that I was proudest of – whether it was the quality of writing or humor or the message I managed to convey. Here are my Favorite 12 Posts of 2012:
- January 20th – My list of all of the people I’m sick of in the world
- January 24th – The life lessons I’ve learned
- February 14th – A letter to the women of the Internet on Valentine’s Day
- February 20th – My expert guide to having phone sex
- March 22nd – Getting closure on leaving my home
- April 13th – My parody of Dan Pearce’s terrible piece of a teen coming out of the closet
- May 1st – My parody of “Fifty Shades of Grey”
- May 30th – If the real world had a super villain
- June 25th – Summer camp rules as written by an overly honest camp director
- September 21st – Nine things a girl should know before she dates me
- October 25th – My parody of Billy Joel’s “We Didn’t Start The Fire”
- November 13th – An in-depth look at the secession of Texas from the United States
And that’s my year. I survived it, and I’m ready to see where 2013 will take me. I’ll leave you with 12 lessons I learned this year:
- Leaving yourself vulnerable to be hurt is worth it for the benefits that you’ll experience.
- If you have a friend who gossips about everyone else and revels in bullying, he or she is not a friend worth having, because that behavior can be turned on you in an instant.
- There are whole worlds out there that you have never experienced. Never close your mind to anyone or anything.
- You can overdose on marijuana if you’re not a habitual user and if you eat a cookie that has 20 doses cooked into it. You may end up crying for your mom.
- Bands will make a girl dance.
- The best friends are the ones who don’t get sick of telling you that it will be okay.
- You can’t save anyone from themselves.
- Chocolate solves most problems except diabetes.
- It’s okay to tell people you love them.
- As stupid as most of the world seems, at least a majority of us got it right in November. There’s hope yet.
- I love babies and want one.
- A mutual friends with benefits arrangement is no replacement for dating, but it’s sure as hell fun.