The dating site eHarmony loves to give terrible advice. A couple of years ago, I wrote about their ridiculously outdated explanation of Nine Things Women Don’t Want Men To Know.
And now for their latest opus, a piece that many of my comedian friends have been sharing on Facebook, 15 Reasons To Date A Comedian.
Like before, I’ll copy and paste the exact content with my comments in blue below each relevant section. And I know I don’t speak for everyone but this is my opinion, based on the limited experience I have with almost three years of stand-up, fifteen years of writing humor, and over 120 shows at one club under my belt:
1. Comedians want to make people laugh. Get ready to be entertained.
Comedians want to make audiences laugh. We don’t want to be your joke monkey. In fact, the most talented comedians I know would rather have serious, in-depth conversations and get frustrated with peers who are constantly attempting to do material.
2. Comedians see the humor in the otherwise unfunny stuff of life and can look at the same situation from different perspectives.
The way that we process the darker corners of life is a different perspective, but it can also make us seem like we are terrible, insensitive people who don’t care for anyone. Be prepared, because you might find yourself in the situation where you need to apologize for your comedian’s behavior.
3. Your date will be the life of the party — at the party.
No he most certainly won’t. Comedians are anti-social people who don’t want to (or can’t) make small talk with others at a party. It gets tiring to hear “Oh, you’re a comedian. Tell a joke!” or “I got a great story for you. You should put this in your set/skit/sketch.” We’d rather sit back and observe.
4. At home, however, comedians are often introverted and sensitive. Your steady support will be very welcome.
Many people can be introverted and sensitive. Your steady support, no matter who you date, is welcome and, unless you are a shitty person, why wouldn’t you be supportive of the person you’re with?
5. Comedians are usually following their dreams. You might be inspired to start following your own.
Dating someone who follows their dreams is a challenging proposition. It requires patience, strength, and an unflinching faith in the other person’s ability to succeed. That’s not a reason to date a comedian – this is a reason not to date a comedian.
6. Is “stand-up comedian” a lucrative job? Not always. But how many people can say that they’re doing what they love? That’s very admirable.
Unfortunately, comedy is a field where many people think that they can do it, and that it’s easy to be funny. They don’t see the work that goes into honing material and relate “doing what you love” to something akin to telling funny stories at a party. It’s less admirable and more a struggle against the perceptions of idiots in society.
7. Related: No one will accuse you of being a gold-digger.
If you have friends who would accuse you of being a gold digger, get better friends.
8. Because of the unstable nature of their careers, comedians appreciate healthy, stable relationships to come home to.
Sure, so let’s make it your responsibility to always be healthy and stable. God forbid you have a bad day and want your comedian to be the stable one. A relationship with a comedian means that you get to experience the pain and darkness where the comedy comes from. That’s not easy.
9. Introverts, rejoice. Date a comedian and you’ll have most weekends to yourself!
Clearly, the author doesn’t understand what an introvert is. And if you want to date someone with the express purpose of having time to yourself, get a cat.
10. Comedians share their life stories with strangers every night. They’re good communicators and are willing to be vulnerable with others.
Some comedians can be good communicators and will be vulnerable. But many of them will only do so on stage, when they are fully in control of the conversation. It takes a lot of trust and relationship building before many comics can ever do that in an environment without control.
11. You can visit your date at work — and actually have fun while doing so.
As long as you don’t mind shitty bars and dirty watering holes with loud obnoxious people who don’t have the intelligence to enjoy what your comedian is saying, and as long as you have no problem with hearing your comedian disparage him- or herself and talk more openly on stage than he or she might do at home.
12. Your date will introduce you to plenty of interesting characters.
I think that it’s highly unlikely that your comedian will introduce you to anyone. You’ll just be thrust in the middle with a bunch of other comedians who will say or do anything that’s on their mind and have very little concept of social niceties.
13. Your friends will think your significant other is hilarious. Related: Bragging about your date’s newest comedy routine will do him/her good.
No, they won’t. No, it won’t.
14. Not every comedian exploits his personal life in his act. Most will outline boundaries with you. (Jerry Seinfeld doesn’t diss his wife on stage, and he’s done okay for himself.)
The best comedy comes from personal stories, and while it’s not necessary to tear down your significant other, your personal life will certainly be exploited for material. Things that happen in private that touch a comedic nerve will be mined on stage, and rather than assume that won’t happen, you have to be okay with the possibility.
15. A common love language for comedians? Words of affirmation. Build up your partner verbally, and you’ll likely be the recipient of praise, too.
Oh, that’s fucking healthy. Compliment them so that they’ll compliment you back! What kind of symbiotic relationship are you trying to build? Everybody wants support, but not overwhelmingly – good comedians know when they did poorly, and that’s okay. It helps us improve, which is more important than having our failures ameliorated in a desperate attempt to get praise back. Because it won’t happen that way.
Here’s my suggestion for a new list for eHarmony:
One Reason To Date A Comedian.
Because a comedian, whether a man or woman, is a human being, with doubts and insecurities, and dreams and hopes, and if you find a comedian attractive, enjoy the conversations you have, and want to get to know your comedian, you should date one.
P.S. My number is 818-398-2079.