It’s impossible to reduce Kaply down to words. She was hysterically funny, yes. She was exceedingly kind, sure. She was delightfully raunchy, indeed. She was keenly observant, absolutely. She was craftily opinionated, no doubt. But to keep piling adjectives on her seems somehow a disservice when no amount of words will ever paint the whole picture of who she was. You had to know her to love her and, even though I didn’t know her exceedingly well, I came to love her just the same. Your life was far more entertaining with Kaply in it than out of it, and I just don’t know what higher praise I can offer than that…
Tracy Lynn Kaply was my comedy barometer. She had seen and done it all, and if I could make her laugh, I would make anyone laugh. Over time, we grew from mutual readers/commenters into emailers and texters, talking about everything under the sun. She was a mentor, a fan, a big sister, and a cranky old black man from a barbershop. She had been in the end stages of renal failure ever since I had known her, but it never stopped her from being there for everyone else.
Rather than wax poetic about Kaply, I thought I’d let her talk. These are just a few of the comments, texts, and emails I got from her over the last ten years:
“Every time I come here, there is some unbelievable shit. Either someone is having sex with a horse or you’re putting chocolate sauce on microwave burrito. I have no idea what I did for shits and giggles before I found your site.” – 7/31/06
“Hope springs eternal. Plus, most people don’t actually think. Which is why people always ask me about my kidneys. How are your kidneys? Still fucking skulking around not doing a decent days work. Like they are suddenly going to rebound, or do the meringue.” -10/5/06
“Bask in my brilliance and whimsy, motherfucker.” -6/26/08
“Dude, they do not give kidneys to fat people. It’s unfair, but true. The Man is holding my kidney hostage, in an attempt to get me to get thin. Fuckers.” -8/24/07
“The dumpster is the LAST place you want to dump a hooker.” -9/5/06
“Nature is dangerous. It’s why I have nothing to do with it.” -6/30/12
“I am super proud of you for taking that class. Learning to fail is one of the most useful skills to have, and I know you will be funny.” -1/18/11
“Freak. Weirdo. And I mean that in the clinical sense.” -3/23/07
“I may have only 2% of my function left, but you will have to pry that last 2% out of my cold dead hands.” -8/1/08
“Age and treachery will ALWAYS triumph over youth and skill. ALWAYS. Keep that in mind, young padawan.” -6/8/07
“Figuring out who I am led me to finding out what I needed that was missing, and that led to working out how to get it. Some things I thought about myself needed to be let go of, and some things needed to be accepted.” -12/24/12
“Dude, I love you as much as any girl with a fever of 102 F loves her gorilla. Now make me a sammich, will ya?” -1/3/07
“Yeah, at a certain point you just have to say fuck it. It is what it is, which is my life, and I just feel fortunate to have lived through it. And I don’t usually post that stuff to my blog. Unless it’s funny. Then anything is fair game. ” -4/7/07
Tracy Lynn Kaply.
January 23, 1968 – February 18, 2014.