As I sit here this morning at 6 AM, getting ready for a busy weekend filled with Thanksgiving plus the opportunity to preside over the wedding of one of my oldest friends, I feel happy. Even though it’s 6 AM and still dark out and still raining and I can still hear the echoes of last night’s grapefruit vodka smacking me in the brain.

On Facebook, after seeing all of the anger and hurt over what’s happening in Ferguson (and what continues to perpetuate nationwide), I asked people to contribute something positive by commenting with at least one thing that made them feel thankful. Over 100 responded, and I realized that I hadn’t actually said what I am thankful for. Or for what I am thankful if you want to be a grammatically correct douchebag.

So here are 75 things that make me feel thankful. I’m just writing this without editing, and without thinking too hard about it, but that’s mostly because I’m sitting naked at my computer and I have employees coming over in an hour so I don’t have much time.

I am thankful for . . . .

      1. Good health.
      2. Comic book movies.
      3. Women. All of them.
      4. The opportunities I have had in stand-up comedy.
        Holy shit. My head is fucking huge.
      5. My audience, online and off.
      6. Coke Zero.
      7. Canadians.
      8. French Canadians, to a lesser extent.
      9. My good friends.
      10. My great friends – the ones with benefits.
      11. Music that makes me dance.
      12. Music that makes girls dance on a stage while I give them dollar bills.
        Comedian Adam Avitable jokes about girls with weirdly pronounced names
      13. Mister Roger’s Neighborhood.
      14. Joss Whedon. He inspires me to create.
      15. The chances I’ve had at love.
      16. The even more chances I’ve had at lust.
      17. Chocolate.
      18. Ninjas.
      19. Good books written by my favorite authors.
      20. Great books written by my friends.
      21. That euphoric feeling when I get off stage.
      22. Bacon.
        That time Adam Avitable tried cooking bacon on top of Fritos and Doritos
      23. Beauties in their twenties with soulful eyes.
      24. Girls in their thirties who are in their sexual peak.
      25. Ladies in their forties who know what they want.
      26. Women in their fifties who look like they’re in their thirties.
      27. Cougars in their sixties who can take their teeth out.
        Comedian Avitable talks about dating and using the classified ads
      28. That feeling of sleeping with freshly laundered sheets on the bed.
      29. Superman. And The Flash. My favorites.
      30. People who still like to talk on the phone.
      31. Nudity, in all its forms.
      32. Republicans with social consciences.
      33. Democrats who don’t chain themselves to trees.
      34. Libertarians who understand that they’re only shooting themselves in their collective feet.
      35. A night with great company.
      36. The next morning with no shame.
      37. Winters in Florida.
        May your day be filled to the brim with humps galore.
      38. Summers anywhere else.
      39. Laughter.
      40. A medium rare steak.
      41. The turmoil of my life four years ago that changed who I am today for the better.
      42. My family, when they’re not driving me crazy.
      43. Okay. My family, even when they drive me batshit insane.
      44. Jimmy Fallon. His enthusiasm and obvious love for what he does is infectious.
      45. Veteran comedians who have been supportive and helpful as I begin my career.
      46. Veteran comedians who are terrible assholes and show me how not to be as I begin my career.
      47. Mayonnaise. And Ranch. In fact, any of the white, creamy dressings that we consume. Except that one.
      48. Hot showers and hot shaves.
        Comedian Adam Avitable shaves his beard
      49. That feeling that one time when I was able to take a photo that made it look like I looked good in a suit even though the reality was far, far, far, from that.
      50. The look in a child’s eyes when he or she laughs.
      51. The look in a child’s eyes when you put on scary clown makeup and scare her, scarring her for life and giving her coulrophobia.
        Adam Avitable dressed as a scary clown for Halloween
      52. Giving and receiving. YOU know what I mean.
      53. Redheads. They’re amazing. I love them. Please come to me, oh ginger princesses.
      54. My intelligence.
      55. My complete lack of common sense, because if I had the same level of book smarts and street smarts, I’d probably go be a supervillain.
      56. My ability to take selfies that make me look much thinner and more attractive than I am in person.
        Self-proclaimed king of selfies, Adam Avitable
      57. People who keep my ego in check.
      58. People who boost my ego.
      59. People who stroke my ego slowly, slowly, slowly, faster, faster, faster, OH YEAH.
      60. Anyone who can make me laugh.
      61. Going to the movies almost every Friday.
      62. The ability to bring so many of my friends happiness by presiding over their weddings, even though I terrify them a little since they never know what I might say during the ceremony.
        Orlando Comedian Adam Avitable presides over a wedding
      63. Being my own boss.
      64. Louis CK. He’s such a creative juggernaut and he didn’t make it until later in life – he’s a role model.
      65. The privileges and opportunities I grew up with.
      66. The opportunities I made for myself because of hard work.
      67. My years at Christian Academy of Learning because they challenged me, even if I dressed like a weirdo.
        Adam Avitable, Grace Academy, age 5
      68. My years in high school because they gave me direction.
      69. My years in college because I gained perspective.
      70. My years in law school because I learned how to think differently than most.
      71. People who get my humor.
      72. People who don’t get my humor and challenge me to see their perspective.
      73. People who have no sense of humor making me appreciate those who do.
      74. Myself. Because, duh. I’m awesome.
      75. You.

Happy Thanksgiving to those of you who celebrate it, and happy Thursday to those of you who don’t, except today’s Wednesday but I won’t be around tomorrow, so suck it.

I mean, umm, love and peace and boners to all!

4 thoughts on “Thankfulosophy”

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