Adam Avitable's mundane moments

Looking back at 2014: The fat, the hairy, the oh so bacony

1. What did you do in 2014 that you’d never done before?

As a comedian, I started headlining and realized the vast difference between standing on stage for 25-30 minutes as a feature and standing up there for 45 or more. I fucking love it and relish the opportunity to keep working at it.

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I also put on my own writing workshop (with the help of the awesome Katy and Bess) and it went spectacularly. I made a few missteps with it, but in the end, it turned out fantastic. It made me realize how much I love teaching.

Florida Blog Con*TENT

And I started Bars Against Humanity, a team-based version of Cards Against Humanity that I run in downtown Orlando every week. That has been a great way to work on my ability to think on my feet and respond quickly in a comedy environment.

Bars Against Humanity

I had my very first car accident, and it wasn’t even my fault. My car of 12 years was totaled, and I decided to go the mid-life crisis path and get a red Ford Mustang GT Turbo convertible.

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2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I didn’t make any, though I always resolve to continue being as honest as I can, especially when looking at myself. In that vein, I think I succeeded.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

Lots of friends had babies, and many more are pregnant right now. This doesn’t help with my baby fever!

4. Did anyone close to you die?

I didn’t know Robin Williams, but I felt a kinship with him. I lost some friends, too.

5. What countries did you visit?

In person, I didn’t go anywhere outside of the United States, but if you look at the online relationships I had and porn I watched, I went to Thailand, Germany, Canada, England, Germany, and Transylania.

6. What would you like to have in 2015 that you lacked in 2014?

More stability. I have so many more projects that I need to do and so little time. Stability will give me the freedom to work on these projects without the stress that freezes me in my place.

7. What dates from 2014 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

This year is a blur. I can’t even remember December.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

I got to marry one of my best friends to his fiance. I also got to marry one of my favorite cousins in Rhode Island, which was amazing. I headlined at several comedy clubs. I was booked for paying gigs the majority of the weekends of the year.

Adam Avitable in a suit

More than all of that, though, I feel like I gained even more understanding into who I am, what motivates me, what my failures are, and what I have to offer.

Oh, I also had a few of my jokes go viral through Reddit, Facebook, The Chive, and other sources, too.

Comedian Adam Avitable talks about the couple he saw making out at Legoland

9. What was your biggest failure?

I still have so many projects in the pipeline that I haven’t done. Sometimes I get so exhausted from the day job and comedy that I don’t want to push myself to work on them, even though doing creative projects fuels me.

I guess my biggest failure is that I still sleep at all. I wish I could get rid of that completely.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Other than the random man cold here and there, no.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

My new car. 2006 Ford Mustang GT Turbo convertible with only 22,000 miles on it. I know, right?

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12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

Those who admitted they were wrong, those who strived to do better, those who keep on trying and never settle for the status quo.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

Those with blinders on, those who choose intolerance over love, those who would rather find fault in others than ever refelct within.

14. Where did most of your money go?

Bills, bacon, boobs, and booze.

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15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Every time I got on stage. I also really enjoyed Halloween this year and went all out with my costume.

Happy Halloween! Thanks to Mandi for the amazing makeup work!

16. What song will always remind you of 2014?

A little Taylor Swift!

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

Happier or sadder? Happier sometimes. Sadder other times.
Thinner or fatter? Probably fatter but I’m hiding from my scale.
Richer or poorer? Poorer when it comes to money, but richer when it comes to bacon.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?

Written. Created.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

Slept. Masturbated. Fallen asleep while masturbating.

20. How did you spend Christmas?


21. Did you fall in love in 2014?


A photo posted by Adam Avitable (@avitable) on

A photo posted by Adam Avitable (@avitable) on

22. What was your favorite TV program?

Hannibal. I got this print, too!

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23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

I try not to hate anybody at all. Ever. There’s just way too much energy wasted doing it. Though for those few people who do despise me because of their own failings, I hope your friends and family see you for the monsters you actually are and then burn you at the stake.

24. What was the best book you read?

I read about 40-50 books this year and enjoyed all of them.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?

I am revisiting the Rolling Stones and loving it.

26. What did you want and get?

More gigs, more work, and creative inspiration.

27. What did you want and not get?

An independently wealthy 22-year old petite redhead with an Irish or Boston accent who wants to have my children.

28. What was your favorite film of this year?

Guardians of the Galaxy. I mean, c’mon.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I had a birthday party at my house, and I turned 37.

Adam Avitable is the Fucking Birthday Girl

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2014?

“Wear as little as possible.”

32. What kept you sane?

HAHAHAHA! Who says I’m sane?

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

I love Ke$ha. I want her to be my next ex-wife.

34. What political issue stirred you the most?

Every issue related to intolerance and the concept that it’s somehow okay for any class of people to not have the exact same rights, benefits, and privileges as every other class. I come from a place of white privilege and I can see the problems society, so who are these people who are so fucking blind?

35. Who did you miss?

It’s not who. It’s what. I miss laying in bed with someone, watching TV. Laughing at inside jokes out at dinner. Those little pockets of intimacy that can happen with someone special.

36. Who was the best new person you met?

I have met and learned from so many people this year that it would be impossible to pick one.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2014.

I learned a few:

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A photo posted by Adam Avitable (@avitable) on

A photo posted by Adam Avitable (@avitable) on

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

“Pleased to meet you,
Hope you guess my name”

Thanks to my friend Maria for doing this every year, always acting as a reminder and inspiring me to do it myself.

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