My interview with Rosa Parks

Sixty years ago today, Rosa Parks’s refusal to give in to the demands of a bus driver and relinquish her seat to a white passenger was a catalyst for a movement towards racial equality, a movement that’s still slowly progressing today. I thought today would be a great time to publish my posthumuous interview with her:

Avitable Interviews Rosa Parks

Me:  White people, amirite?

Rosa Parks:  Indeed. Though I wish it were as simple as education and awareness. 

Me:  You mean to say that liking a post on Facebook and sharing it, plus changing my profile picture, isn’t going to bring an end to systemic racism?

RP:  While that type of awareness can create fruitful conversations that may generate positive results, I think it will take so much more before people of color will be truly equal.

Me:  I think that movements like #BlackLivesMatter have the ability to effect real change if the voices are loud enough and the message is clear enough.

RP:  I would consider it a victory if we could simply educate those who respond with “All lives matter” as to why they’re being ignorant and offensive.

Me:  Here’s how I look at it. My birthday is on January 26th. I’m going to throw a party, and I expect people to bring presents, and I’m going to eat some cake. What if, every time someone wished me “Happy birthday”, someone else said “we all were born and have birthdays, so shouldn’t we all get presents?” And then I’d get mad and be all “But this moment is for me because you can have all the other moments. Right now, we’re here to celebrate the day that I showed up and graced the world with my presence. And now you don’t get any damn cake.” #MyBirthdayMatters

RP:  Hmm. Well, yes, I guess. So many of those defensive bigots don’t understand that the actual message is closer to “Black lives matter too”. Nobody’s arguing that all lives don’t matter. In fact, that is probably one of the stupidest arguments out there. But when you’re seeing black citizens mistreated at the hands of police officers who have little to no accountability, there is nothing more important than the lives of those who are being snuffed out without reason nor consequence.

Me:  And without cake.

RP:  Umm, yes.

Me:  Don’t you think it would be nice if everyone had the maturity and compassion to simply admit that our society, while still amazing, is broken in a few major areas, and that rather than acting defensively or selfishly and instead of remaining ignorant and misinformed, we promised to listen to our fellow human being, treat him or her with love and thoughtfulness, and stand up for the rights of everyone to be treated equally? And then eat birthday cake?

RP:  I do. Even though I’m not a big fan of cake.

Me:  You’re not?

RP:  No. I have a self-diagnosed gluten allergy and avoid sugar because it can make you autistic.

Me:  Wha?

RP:  I’m just playing.

Me:  Who knew you had such a sense of humor?

RP:  Most people saw me as this extremely serious, almost dour woman, but the truth is I was a lot of fun to be around. In fact, here’s a little trivia about that bus ride that I’ve never told anyone.

Me:  Ooh. Let’s hear it!

RP:  I was actually taking the bus to a Syrian refugee’s house because he was a Muslim-born pagan witch doctor who performed abortions when he wasn’t planning terrorist acts, and I was pregnant with a baby from my orgy with a transgendered couple.

Me:  You still playin?

RP:  You know it.

Me:  Let’s have some cake.

RP:  Chocolate?

Me:  Of course!

Have you ever wanted to know what Michael Jackson’s last words were after he died? What about Amy Winehouse? Whitney Houston? Osama bin Laden? Hitler? Reagan? And about 50 more?Read more fake interviews with dead celebrities by buying my book today!

Interviews with Dead Celebrities, a book by Adam Heath Avitable

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