Please enjoy the following conversation* as overheard by yours truly at my house. I have changed names to protect the innocent. Well, not the innocent. The victims of ridiculousness.
Eve: I’m drunk.
Peach: I’m hungry.
Eve: We should make lasagna!
Peach: Yesss! With garlic bread and a salad!
Eve: And strawberry shortcake for dessert!
Peach: Shit. We don’t have any noodles. Or meat. Or tomato sauce. Or strawberries. Or anything.
Eve: We have bread! Let’s just make garlic bread.
Peach: Yeah, just use the toaster oven.
Five minutes pass
Peach: Want to go on the porch and smoke?
Ten minutes pass
Eve: Oh shit we burned the bread!
Peach: Damn it! Well, we have mac and cheese we can make.
Peach: By the way, you pooped this morning and didn’t flush the toilet.
Eve: My bad! You left your vibrator in the shower yesterday.
Peach: Oh shit – I’m sorry! I hope Adam’s not listening.
Eve: It’s okay. Let’s let that boil.
Peach: Smoky smoky weedy weedy time!
Fifteen minutes pass
Eve: Oh shit we ruined the mac and cheese!
Peach: Fuck. Want to order pizza?
Eve: Yeah, I guess.
Thirty minutes pass
Eve: Did we ever order pizza?
*not an actual conversation, but a representative amalgam of conversations that happen regularly in my home.
This is part of a series in which I will attempt to write something every single day of 2016. Will I be able to do it? You’ll only know if you subscribe using the form below!