The Proust Questionnaire is a questionnaire that was made famous by the answers given by French author Marcel Proust during the end of the nineteenth century. It’s become common for magazines and hosts of interview shows to ask the same questions to their guests. People like David Bowie and Louis CK are just among a few who have answered the questions. And I figured I’d give it a shot too, without trying to be funny or put too much thought into my answers, either. I’m only giving myself thirty minutes, so here we go:
What is your idea of perfect happiness?
A book, a beach, and someone who loves me. A cabin in the woods with a typewriter and a best friend. Basically, creativity, relaxation, and sex.
What is your greatest fear?
Dying without leaving my mark on the world. My legacy is all I have.
Which living person do you most admire?
Louis CK. What he can do and has done inspires me to no end. I strive to create projects I believe in with the same passion he has.
What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
My need to control. I have gotten so much better about it, but I hate that I have a hard time going with the flow especially when the flow IS DOING IT WRONG
What do you consider the most overrated virtue?
An adherence to the rules. Rules are there for the lowest common denominator idiot, so the fact that you are proud of yourself for following the rules makes you a dolt.
What do you dislike about your appearance?
It would be easier to pick what I like about myself.
What or who is the greatest love of your life?
I’ll let you know.
When and where were you happiest?
Sitting on the dock at the cabin in South Carolina overlooking Lake Secession (yeah, I know) listening to the waves at seven in the morning while everyone still slept inside.
Which talent would you most like to have?
I wish I could sing, play instruments, and dance. I admire people who can do that so much. Anything musically inclined.
What is your current state of mind?
It’s a nice anxiety crusted depression cooked over a flame of uncertainty with a slight hint of optimism for the future.
If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
I’d add six inches. . . to my height.
What do you consider your greatest achievement?
I’m still working on it.
If you could choose what to come back as, what would it be?
A dolphin. I fucking love dolphins. Or a tiger.
What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
Settling . . . for life, for people, for mundaneity. Always aim for more.
What is the quality you most like in a man?
The ability to quote Airplane! and Spaceballs.
What is the quality you most like in a woman?
See above. Plus, lips.
What do you most value in your friends?
My friends are the best in the world because they’re there for me. They listen without judgment and advise without attitude. They show a level of unconditional love that is tremendous.
Who are your favorite writers?
Stephen King. Lee Child. Robert Parker. Anne Rice. Dean Koontz.
Who is your favorite hero of fiction?
Aslan. I want to be Aslan.
Who are your heroes in real life?
I don’t have any.
What is it that you most dislike?
The feeling that I can’t catch a break. It’s like climbing up a hill and falling two feet every time you make it three feet up, but you also have people calling and yelling at you and throwing shit at the same time.
How would you like to die?
After I’ve finished my masterpiece. Quietly. Surrounded by a harem who also took their own lives out of despair.
What is your motto?
I don’t judge you, fucker.
This is part of a series in which I will attempt to write something every single day of 2016. Will I be able to do it? You’ll only know if you subscribe using the form below!