Elle.com posted this article last year about Amanda Chantal Bacon, founder and owner of the popular Los Angeles juice bar Moon Juice, and her exotic diet. In the interest of journalistic integrity, I talked to her again, nine months later, so see if her diet has changed.
Her original diet, in italics, will be followed by her updated diet today.
Original: “I usually wake up at 6:30am, and start with some Kundalini meditation and a 23-minute breath set—along with a copper cup of silver needle and calendula tea—before my son Rohan wakes.”
Today: “When the alarm goes off at 6:30am, I have another one set for 6:33, and then 6:38, and then finally I wake up at 7:30am, scream ‘HOLY SHIT ROHAN YOU’RE GOING TO BE LATE’ and grab a Pop Tart as we run out the door.”
Original: “At 8am, I had a warm, morning chi drink on my way to the school drop off, drunk in the car! It contains more than 25 grams of plant protein, thanks to vanilla mushroom protein and stone ground almond butter, and also has the super endocrine, brain, immunity, and libido- boosting powers of Brain Dust, cordyceps, reishi, maca, and Shilajit resin. I throw ho shou wu and pearl in as part of my beauty regime. I chase it with three quinton shots for mineralization and two lipospheric vitamin B-complex packets for energy.”
Today: “I’m going ninety down the wrong way on a one-way street, and I gulp down the remnants of Rohan’s juice box, which was mostly drunk in the car. It has like a jillion calories and tastes like pure sugar. I chase that with a stale package of crackers that I found under the seat looking for Rohan’s fucking shoe which he managed to lose between getting in the car and being put in his carseat. I hork down six kids’ gummy vitamins for energy and whatever too.”
Original: “At 9:30am, I drink 16 ounces of unsweetened, strong green juice, which is my alkalizer, hydrator, energizer, source of protein and calcium, and overall mood balancer. It’s also my easy, ‘lazy,’ and delicious skin regime. I also take three tablespoons of bee pollen. I love Moon Juice’s soft and chewy bee pollen—it’s a creamy, candy-like treat that gives me my daily B-vitamin blast, and also helps feed my skin and aids hormone production. I’ll also grab a handful of activated cashews. I try to get these in every day for their brain chemistry magic. I chase this with a shot of pressed turmeric root in freshly squeezed grapefruit juice.”
Today: “At 9:30am, I drink 16 ounces of whatever Starbucks’ seasonal drink is, providing the mood balancing I need to not rip everyone’s heads off. I used to take three tablespoons of bee pollen, but now I just chug a little honey from one of those honey bears, and then I grab a handful of chocolate-covered Teddy Grahams. I try to eat a few each day just because I love biting their fucking heads off and pretending they’re real.”
Original: “For lunch, I had zucchini ribbons with basil, pine nuts, sun-cured olives, and lemon, with green tea on the side. This is such an easy, elegant, and light meal. I made this while on a phone meeting before heading out for the rest of the work day. I often alternate this with my other lunch staple: a nori roll with umeboshi paste, avocado, cultured sea vegetables, and pea sprouts. This is my version of a taco, and it’s insanely delicious. These ingredients are all pantry staples, so I eat some version of this everyday. It’s probiotic-rich with the cultured veggies, and deeply mineralizing thanks to the sea vegetables, and the avocado nourishes the brain and hormones. It’s awesomely satiating and takes 45 seconds to compile. I usually make this while standing, working with someone, simultaneously emailing and definitely texting. I know the right answer would be to sit down and take 10 minutes to eat, but that doesn’t happen for lunch, ever.”
Today: “For lunch, I eat a salad that I made while on the phone at home, so basically it just ended up being celery and Ranch dressing. Sometimes, though, I’ll alternate this with one of Rohan’s Lunchables, because I didn’t have time to make anything. It’s awesomely sodium-packed and I can demolish one in about 45 seconds, usually while standing, working with someone, emailing, texting, and spitting parts of it at the person I’m talking to. I usually also reconsider why I named my son Rohan.”
Original: “If I’m home around 3pm, I always reach for coconut yogurt with cardamom, dried figs, walnuts, and apricots from a weekend farm visit—and a chunk of raw dark chocolate. I ferment big batches of coconut yogurt and make big batches of raw chocolate spiked with maca and any other medicinal herb I’m focusing on. It’s easy to do, and makes for potent, fast snack food throughout the month.”
Today: “If I’m home around 3pm, I’m usually fucking starving. All of the good food is gone – goddamnit, Rohan – so I curse his name while I search for something with a little boost to wake me up. I can usually find some chocolate left over from Halloween that I put up high enough that Rohan can’t reach. I’M STILL IN CHARGE ROHAN!”
Original: “Today I also called into Moon Juice and got some ‘drive through.’ Work doesn’t keep me in the shop like it used to. Sadly I’m always on the go and running late, so I usually call in a mid-workday curbside pick-up. I grabbed a mint chip hemp milk with double servings of maca and sprouted brown rice protein, sweetened with stevia, as well as two Goodness Greens juices.”
Today: “I’m so fucking sick of juice – why did I open that stupid juice bar? I usually just get a milkshake at Chick fil-A and chug it before my employees see me.”
Original: “I had an early, pre-yoga dinner at Shima in Abbot Kinney, which is my 3-year-old’s favorite restaurant. I had a seaweed salad with micro cilantro and daikon, and a delicate broth of mushrooms and herbs.”
Today: “I snagged two of Rohan’s chicken nuggets at McDonald’s, his favorite restaurant, before that fucker could eat all of them. That should tide me over through yoga.”
Original: “From 7 to 9pm, I went to my Kundalini yoga class at Rama Yoga in Venice, with my go-to teacher, Harijiwan.”
Today: “Went in to drop Rohan off at home with the nanny and made the mistake of sitting on the bed for a second. Fell asleep and missed yoga. Fuck.”
Original: “My son and I make a batch of almond milk and vanilla chia pudding for the next morning at bedtime. We like to have cups of it before it’s totally done, when it’s more like chia milk.”
Today: “I change the clocks in the house and tell Rohan it’s time for bed an hour earlier than normal, and then I drink a bottle of wine.”
Original: “At 11pm, I had a nightcap of heart tonic and raw chocolate made from one of my big batches—this one was made with our Moon Pantry heirloom raw cacao, reishi and Chaga mushroom, sprouted brown rice protein, and coconut oil. I love chocolate—and on some evenings, I don’t want to deny the indulgence—so I’ve devised a million low glycemic recipes.”
Today: “If the wine doesn’t put me to sleep, I’ll usually chase it with an Ambien and a Klonopin. That makes me hungry, though, so I’ll indulge with some of those generic cheese-coated balls that come in that giant plastic jar that I throw at Rohan to get him to give me some fucking peace. It’s worth it to wake up coated in orange dust.”
Original article by Victoria Dawson Hoff. Photos taken without permission from Elle. This is a parody. Duh.
This is part of a series in which I will attempt to write something every single day of 2016. Will I be able to do it? You’ll only know if you subscribe using the form below!