I'm guest posting today. Over here. Come visit and leave her a comment!

I'll have more recaps later with photos and video, but for now, since I just landed about three hours ago, made it home, and am falling asleep as I type this. I'm sure I forgot a few people - email me at my first name at my last name if I did:

Things I learned at TequilaCon 2008:

I learned that Hellohahanarf has boobs that can double as pillows.

I learned that Christine likes to watch men masturbate.

I learned that Dan brings more bags to an event than a woman.

I learned that Dave2 wants my body.

I learned that Delmer is 12 feet tall.

I learned that Diana is actually a large black man named Polo, not an amazing woman with a very cool husband who just moved back to the US.

I learned that Dustin has a mom with great design skills.

I learned that Finn had all of our backgrounds investigated before coming.

I learned that Hilly can hit a crotch from a mile away.

I learned that Jan was faking it!

I learned that Jen throws a fucking amazing party.

I learned that Black Belt Mama doesn't get freaked out by male nudity.

I learned that Karl would have sex with his mother if the price was right.

I learned that Lisa loves me and Britt and Karl and Hilly and Dave and that wall and that plant and Dude and the floor and her drink.

I learned that Metalmom wants to lick my palm. Or my taint. I can't remember.

I learned that Britt - awww, who am I kidding? I already knew everything.

I learned that meeting NYCWD feels like you knew him forever already.

I learned that Poppy drinks gay blue drinks.

I learned that Libragirl is a Pisces.

I learned that Sandra is scared of the suburbs.

I learned that Shelli is totally Mr. Fabulous's sister.

I learned that Shiny is North Korean.

I learned that Vahid is a tattoo artiste.

It was yesterday. Around 11 AM. We're sitting out on my porch and Britt is smoking (loudly, as usual).

Me: "It's too bad that we're flying in on Saturday instead of Friday."

Britt: "I know! SHMMMACKPOOOOOFFFF! So many people are getting there tomorrow instead!"

Me: "Well, we'll still have plenty of fun. We'll only be missing Friday night, basically."

Britt: "Yeah, but SNOZARARSHMOONNNNNPHHHAA! all of the cool people are going to be there Friday!"

Me: "I wonder how much it would cost to change our tickets?"

Britt: "That's brilliant!" She punches me in the arm. "Go find out! MMMMARRZZZZPHOOOMMM!"

Me: "Well, yeah, but how will your kids get home from daycare? Jared works until 7 tom-"

Britt: "Fuck it! We'll figure it out. Maybe I'll just give Devin the keys to the car. PHHHHANNNNPHHHARRRGGHHHZZ! Go find out!"

Me: "But shouldn't we figure out the details firs-"

Britt: "Fuck no! Go find out!" She punches me again. "SHARMMMMMPHOOOONNNNNKOW!"

Me: "But-"

Britt: "Do it, bitch! I will stab you in your nose! WWWHHHOOOOOORRMMMMAPHOO!"

So, an hour on the phone and $360 later, instead of having all day today to plan my trip to Tequilacon and pack, I only had last night.

As you can imagine, I probably won't be replying to comments today or this weekend. I have, however, added a Twitter widget to the right of my blog, and I plan on tweeting regularly, so you can keep updated on the site, or just follow me.

See you all Monday!

Craig over at Puntabulous emailed me and said that he heard I was a master debater. I told him that he needed to clean out his ears, because I'm actually Der Masturbator. (It's an honorary award in Germany given only to those men who can stroke their schnitzel with high levels of skill and endurance.)

Notwithstanding the misunderstanding, we decided to go ahead and do a debate anyways. Craig has debated Bossy, Jester, and Miss Britt, among other worthy competitors, and I was honored to be the latest.

So, go on over there and vote for me! (It won't be posted until the morning, so if you're reading this at midnight, you're going to have to check it out later.)

And don't forget about yesterday's contest - you can win a Logitech webcam! Contest ends tomorrow at midnight EST.

So it's that time again. Time to update the blogroll.

A few bloggers turned into scandalous cunts and aren't worth my time anymore. A few bloggers just disappeared. And, of course, I've added a ton of new blogs to my feedreader, but that doesn't mean they got added to my blogroll on the site here. And if they're not added to my blogroll here, there's no linkage from me to you.

I'm going to wipe the blogroll slate clean here and rebuild it from scratch. So, if you want on it, leave a comment and let me know. That goes for you lurkers, too. But that's not all!

I'm also going to add Ubernyms (those cute little nicknames that appear when you hover over a name like Britt or Amy) for everyone. If there's something specific that you'd like for your personal Ubernym, now's your chance to let me know in the comments.

Finally, I'd like to thank everyone for their comments yesterday. Clearly, my post was intended as satire and humor, and I'm glad nobody took offense. Well, so far. I haven't been invited to be a keynote speaker at the BlogHer conference yet either.

Before I get to today's post, don't forget about yesterday's contest. All you need to do is pick out the seven pop culture references I mention. The contest doesn't end until tonight at midnight, so you still have a chance of winning an iPod Shuffle!

A little more than a month ago, Neil over at Citizen of the Month started The Great Interview Experiment. Essentially, each commenter interviewed the person before him or her and was subsequently interviewed by the commenter following. It's been a huge success, with only a few people neglecting their interviewing duties.

Unfortunately, Feral Mom was one of those poor neglected souls. Neil was looking for people to step in and interview those who were left hanging, so voila! She's funny, dirty-minded, and a new favorite read. So check out our interview, then go check our her site!

Avitable: Before I interview a blogger or review their blog, I always go to their archives and start with their very first post. It's a good way to see how the blog has evolved. Since January 26, 2005, over three years ago, how do you think your blog has evolved and has it been for the better or worse?

Feral Mom: When I first started writing Gone Feral, I'd intended it to be the sordid chronicle of my deteriorating hygiene and decreasing ability to maintain normal social interactions as a stay-at-home mother of twin infants. Anyone who knows me well, however, knows that my hygiene has always been on the lax side and that I can usually find some excuse to gibber to myself quietly in the corner. Twin infants were just the icing on an already very sloppy, social anxiety-ridden cake. Shirts splotched with sour milk from my leaky jahoobies? The source of that persistent "magic marker" smell a rotting banana peel under the Lazy Boy? The highlight of my day being giving the Diaper Genie a fisting it would never forget? Squalid, oh yes, but bring it on, I thought. So stay at home motherhood was, in a way, a convenient cover for my already feral, disgusting tendencies. And Gone Feral gave me a venue to make shit jokes without even leaving the house.

After a while I discovered that there are only so many jokes (and lists) to be made about poop, butts, pubes, farts, and jahoobies. Oh, I've got more, but I've realized I need to hold some in reserve for the long haul. So I began to write about other things—my fraught relationship with my mother-in-law, whom I've come to love over the past three years. My return to academia, where I put on clothes to go to class, but remained naked, feral, and farting underneath. Eventually, I even began revisiting episodes from my past, like Catholic school, batshit crazy landlords, traumatic conference papers, tales from the front of a middle school library and other more serious fodder. I still try to write about turds—and believe me, they come up a lot in my life—but I also find that there's plenty of other material out there. So the content of the blog has expanded quite a bit. I also don't ALWAYS go for the immature, Beavis and Butthead innuendo anymore. If I want to try for a different tone or mood, I can usually go there without fearing that readers are going to be disappointed in me, or something.

Speaking of readers, they're the other change. When I started Gone Feral, I had just a handful of friends reading—and they were all, I should note, very supportive, leaving me comments so that I wouldn't be left hanging out there alone on the internets. Three of them even ended up starting their own blogs—excellent ones, I might add. But then I starting getting some visits from people I didn't know, one link led to another, a few kind, more popular souls took me under their bloggy wings, and I found, quite unexpectedly, a community. The best part about blogging, other than the way it has of transforming trauma and tedium into material (and thereby making it bearable) is the connections (and sometimes, friendships) you make with total
strangers. I never imagined when I started Gone Feral that it would not only save my sanity, but help my shy ass make friends with other shy asses—foul mouthed, irreverent people who can hold their liquor AND write the hell out of a blog. I'm lucky to have found a corner of the blogosphere with so many generous, funny, and talented people.

Avitable: As I read, one word I keeping coming across (figuratively) is "tits". You clearly are a huge fan of jahoobies - what are the traits you look for in a set of bazongas, and who, among the celebrity world, has the nicest sweater puppies?

Feral Mom: I love boobies, I do. But I am quite catholic in my appreciation of them. (That's "small c catholic" though tits on a pope are also awesome…and hilarious!) Small ones, big ones, saggy ones, perky ones? I like 'em all. Hell, I even like old man tits, that's how much I love jahoobies. That being said, I find myself in the celebrity boob realm most distracted by the tits on Lost. The entire cast has outstanding racks, including Hurley. Plus, they're all in undershirts or shirtless most of the time. If I had to pick one favorite celebrity boob shot, hough, it's Drew Barrymore in this photo. Sweater puppies unleashed!

Avitable: You recently moved to Los Angeles, one of my favorite places to live in the world. First, have you been to Pink's? Fatburger? Second, have you used Pink Dot to order emergency supplies delivered to your home? Finally, have you noticed how everything clears up and gets beautiful as you cross over from LA County to Orange County?

Feral Mom: No, no, no, and no. I clearly need to get out more. When did you live in Los Angeles? What other recommendations do you have for a feral person in SoCal?

Avitable: I lived in Los Angeles from 2001 until 2004. For restaurants, I recommend The Engine Company and The Pacific Car Company (downtown) and Duke's (Huntington Beach). I also recommend buying a Thomas Guide - makes everything much easier. And Zagat's. Did you get the dentist recommendation I made on your blog? He's a good one for feral teeth.

Avitable: Staying with the Los Angeles theme, here. What are your favorite aspects of LA so far? Your least favorite?

Feral Mom: I enjoy living in L.A. far more than I ever imagined I would. The weather, needless to say is outstanding. While I used to fancy myself a tough Midwestern broad weather-wise, truth be told, I spent a lot of time whilst living there bitching about the cold and the snow. No more. I also enjoy the year-round farmer's markets, especially the outstanding citrus. Oranges have become very very important to me, as have avocados. Hands off my fresh produce!

I have a love/hate relationship with being on the western edge of the country. I love the feeling that I've escaped my old life for a while; that, while I'm reachable by car or plane, someone would have to put serious effort into coming to find me. Not that I'm hiding from anyone, you understand…but I do have a tendency to get restless when I've been in the same place, around the same people, too long. Living in Los Angeles seems like an escape—in a good way.

However, I HATE the fact that, by the time the kids are asleep, it's too late to call or chat online with my East Coast and Midwestern peeps. I also hate that sense of removal from old communities, particularly this first winter we've spent in L.A. Not that I WANT to be back in the Heartland experiencing some of the worst weather on record, but I know that all my Midwestern friends and family will share a reference point (and a bond) for years to come that won't include me. While they were finding creative ways to stay warm and remove snow, I was eating oranges while the ocean gently lapped my hairy toes. I know, I know. Cry you a river.

And speaking of hairy toes, my least favorite thing about L.A. is being called "sir" even when I'm wearing a Christless skirt. OK, not really…that's material. My absolute least favorite aspect of L.A. is the fact that buying a house, hell, renting a house, is some kind of Impossible Dream. You know, a yard would be nice. It's also that apartment living entails rubbing elbows with neighbors, and we have a sordid history with neighbors. I would like to be done with neighbors forever. Alas, it ain't gonna happen here.

Avitable: Here's a fill-in-the-blank for you: I'd rather fuck a _____ than eat a ______ .

Feral Mom: I'd rather fuck a leprechaun than eat a monkey.

I ate monkey once by accident in a Peruvian jungle and it was…distressing. As for leprechauns…those saucy wee people can't help themselves. Fuck them! They're Irish.

Thanks for interviewing me, Avitable! I'm grateful.

And there you go. Go say hi to Feral Mom and go over to Neil's if you want to partake in the Great Interview Experiment!

No, I'm not talking about the primaries.

I'm talking about the Bloggies!

I'm going to trade in all of this goodwill I have and urge you - nay, demand that you go vote for two well-deserving bloggers.

First, we have Sarcastica. She's 18, she's hot, and she knows it. She's also one of the most adult bloggers I know. Some of her readers could learn a lesson in maturity from her blog and they're decades older than she is. She's very smart with a razor wit, but she also has a huge heart. She works with the developmentally disabled because she wants to help them integrate with society, and she really is that altruistic.

She has been nominated for "Best Teen Weblog" and she needs your vote.

Secondly, we have Puntabulous. He's consistently one of the most creative bloggers I read, and although he doesn't reply to comments (which is one of my blogging pet peeves), he writes very funny geeky stuff. His hetero crush on Natalie Portman, accompanied by photos of him with a life-sized cardboard standup of the actress as Amidala, makes for constant hilarity.

He has been nominated for "Best GLBT Weblog" and he needs your vote.

Voting only takes a few minutes. Just go to the site, scroll down, vote on any other categories as you desire, and then just make sure to select Sarcastica and Puntabulous. Put your email address in, confirm the email you receive in response, and voila! You're done.

If you're looking for other suggestions of who to vote for, all I can say is that you should vote for anyone but Dooce. I mean, seriously, fuck her. She doesn't even allow comments most of the time. No comments = not a blog. It's just a promotional website at this point.

Thanks!

Ask anyone in their fifties. They'll all tell you that the world is a different place than it was when they were growing up. There's more violence, corruption is widespread, we all have the attention spans of microwaves, and people care more about celebrities and athletes than politicians and real life. After hours of research and days of sifting through old newspapers, I have a theory.

This downward spiral in our society started on one date. One date that started the whole trend of corruption, manipulation, cynicism and ball-wrangling. That date, of course, is January 17th, 1980. You don't believe me? Allow me to share with you the fruits of my labor - a timeline chronicling the destruction of society:

January 17, 1980: Miss Britt is born. Fourteen people go into a hypnotic trance and purchase every shoe within a 5-mile radius of the hospital.

January 17, 1981: Ferdinand Marcos lifted martial law over the Philippines. Imelda Marcos bought more shoes.

January 17, 1982: "Cold Sunday". Cities in the United States, including Chicago, see the lowest temperatures they have ever experienced in over 100 years.

January 17, 1983: Kenny Rogers wins an American Music Award. Bearded retards everywhere riot.

January 17, 1984: NYPD starts Operation Pressure Point, a clampdown of the Lower East Side and East Village of New York City. No word is heard from the Village People.

January 17, 1985: Spock gets a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Trekkies everywhere riot.

January 17, 1986: "Heathcliff: The Movie" opens. Twenty years later, "Garfield" finally tries again. The world is still not ready for an animated cat movie.

January 17, 1987: President Ronald Reagan signs order allowing covert sale of arms to Iran. When he asks his advisors where Iran is, they say "Iran - so far away." Flock of Seagulls demands royalties.

January 17, 1988: "Three Men and a Baby" grosses over $100 million, giving Steve Guttenberg false hope that his career has a chance.

January 17, 1989: School shootings start with the Stockton massacre. Nobody sues the school, the gun manufacturer, or other random defendants.

January 17, 1990: Kid Rock survives to his 18th birthday. Collectively, the world shudders.

January 17, 1991: The Gulf War: Operation Desert Storm begins. Experts predict a quick and easy solution to all of the troubles in the Middle East.

January 17, 1992: Danielle Torres wins $88,865 in prizes on The Price is Right, holding the record for the highest amount won in the game's 18-year history. Ivory soap stock soars.

January 17, 1993: "The Way Things Ought to Be", by Rush Limbaugh, hits #1 on the New York Times Best Sellers list. The sound of 250 million hands slapping their respective foreheads echoes for three months.

January 17, 1994: A devastating earthquake of magnitude 6.7 hits Northridge, California. Strip malls will never be the same.

January 17, 1995: An earthquake nearly destroys Kobe, Japan, achieving magnitude 7.3. Nobody blames Godzilla.

January 17, 1996: Miss Britt gets her driver's license. Use of public transportation nationwide immediately rises.

January 17, 1997: A court in Ireland grants the first divorce in the country's history. Alcohol is found to be a factor.

January 17, 1998: President Clinton becomes the first sitting US president to testify as a defendant in a civil or criminal suit. He is also the first to refer to plaintiff Paula Jones as a "two-bagger".

January 17, 1999: Scrabble tile manufacturing is closed in the United States and relocated to Shanghai. The game is further changed with all "L" tiles being replaced with "R".

January 17, 2000: Glaxo Wellcome and SmithKline Beecham merge into pharmaceutical conglomerate GlaxoSmithKline. Aspirin reaches $3.20 a gallon.

January 17, 2001: Miss Britt turns 21. Alcohol and condom sales skyrocket.

January 17, 2002: Mount Nyiragongo, a previously dormant volcano, erupts in the Congo. There are no white people involved, so the US doesn't notice.

January 17, 2003: Tom Ridge is recommended to be confirmed as the head of Homeland Security. The world feels a great disturbance, as if millions of voices suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced.

January 17, 2004: "Napoleon Dynamite" opens. "Gosh" becomes en vogue again.

January 17, 2005: Zhao Ziyang, the Premier of China, dies. Communism continues, strong as ever.

January 17, 2006: Benjamin Franklin turns 300. His zombie body is still chained underneath the Library of Congress

January 17, 2007: Doomsday Clock is set to 5 minutes to midnight in response to North Korea's nuclear testing. Party Clock set to 12:14.

January 17, 2008: Britt turns 28. Large bearded gorilla found beat to death with a shoe and a vodka bottle lodged firmly in his rectal cavity.

As you can see, all of the evidence clearly points to Miss Britt as the sole reason for the decline of our society. Take a minute today and head over there to wish her a happy birthday and tell her that you blame her!

(Also, go wish KG a happy birthday, too. She's almost 50! Well, close enough.)

As many of you know, today marks the birthday of someone very important to the world. Someone that garners praise and prayer and causes riots and celebrations and erections. Someone that people dream about, talk to on a daily basis, and think about constantly. Someone with an awesome rack and an ass that can't be beat. I'm talking, of course, about our very own ADW!

This little blonde bombshell turns 30 today, and she is only improving with age. She's sassy, sarcastic, snide, and sexy. She's a party animal with the mouth of a sailor and the gaseous explosions of the Hindenberg. She's got a sharp tongue and an even sharper wit. I'm proud to call her bitchcakes.

Happy birthday, ADW!

It's also the birthdays of some of my other favorite people: Stephanie, Liquid, and (tomorrow), Clown!

Oh, and people celebrate Jesus's birthday today, but he wasn't actually born today at all, so we'll wait until the spring for that, k?