It's getting hot again, so it's time for a haircut!

Before:

After:

Now if I could just get this nail polish off of my fucking feet!

 

Is it a secret message? A part of a rat? Chocolate? Poop? A stick?

What the fuck did I find in my deodorant?

Anyone have any ideas?

UPDATE:

Here is the short email I sent to Colgate about this:

I pulled off the plastic tab to my Speed Stick Regular Scent (oops - almost wrote flavor!) Deodorant and start rolling the dial to raise the stick. Then I saw something black and horrible looking in the deodorant! I have taken pictures and uploaded them to my Flickr account here: http://www.flickr.com/photos/avitable/sets/72157604816363175/.

I'd like to know what that is. We've tried to guess, and so far the guesses are a compass, a rat tail, an alien probe, an electronic bug, a stick figure, Hershey's, the bubonic plague, and poop. I don't think it's any of these, but I'd like to know what it is, and this scares me a bit from using Speed Stick and Mennen products!

(If it is an alien probe, does it enter through the armpit area? I really don't want it to be a rectal probe, as you can imagine.)

 

(are you subscribed to my Flickr feed?)

Okay, I totally had to put some words in here anyway. I was going to write an actual post after yesterday's nothing post, but as I'm writing this on Wednesday night, I'm preparing for a Wii party with Karl and a few other friends.

We'll play some Smash Bros, some Wii Sports, some Raving Rabbids 2, and maybe even try out GH3. It should be fun and I will not be up for actually writing a real post. So this is all you get, people. Oh, and one last thing. When I bought my gum, I also bought a case of Strawberry Milkshake Whoppers! (No, not the Burger King kind, retard). They're pretty fucking amazing, but a case is a little too much for me. So I'm going to pick two random commenters and send them a box or two. All you have to do is leave a comment!

 

Have you ever had a day where you can't come up with shit to blog? That's me, right now.

I'm sitting here experiencing a random stream of consciousness while I think about what I can blog. It goes something like this:

"What can I blog? Hmm. Nothing interesting has really happened that I can talk about, I'm tired, I haven't almost killed myself in a long time, I hope I have a book in the bathroom because I know I'll be spending an hour in there soon, there's nothing good on TV to discuss except Ghost Hunters, Hilly's going to Philly, everybody's birthdays are over, a new employee starts tomorrow, Bossy comes Friday, my office is a mess, here I sit, in my underwear and socks, trying to write a post. My socks are annoying me because they both have huge holes in them and my toes poke out. Boy, my toes are horrible. Has the blogoringoboingoverse seen my toes?"

The answer, dear reader, is no. No, you have not seen my toes. Until now!

Read more...

 

On Friday, a friend bought a large deep fryer.

On Saturday, we got together, bought a huge variety of different foods, and had Fryday!

As I consumed more fried food in one sitting than most people eat in a year, I could hear my heart sobbing and begging for mercy. So I just chewed louder to drown out its voice.

The hour and a half I spent in my throne room afterwards was totally worth it. As was the night of sleeping sitting up in a chair to avoid acid reflux.

We're doing it again next weekend.

Go behind the link for photos (thanks to liquid):

Read more...

 

Thank you to Bec from Out of my Tree for the awesome boob-inspired birthday present sent directly from the UK!

It's good to know that not all UK food is kidney pie, blood sausage, Marmite, and Turkish Delight!

 

It's Day 2 of AvitaWeek 2008, counting down to my 31st birthday. As always, you are encouraged to send me cards and prezzies, as those crazy Brits call them. You can even see what I like on my wishlists!

When I was trying to come up with ideas for this week, I knew that I'd have to make it more about me than usual. Since I'm an egotistical fuck, this is more difficult than it seems. I came to realize that there is very little about myself that hasn't made it on this blog in some form or another, and that the only way to make this week different from others was to get more in-depth with Avitable. More familiar. More intimate. And clearly, there was only one solution.

So, without further ado, I present:

An Intimate Portrait of Avitable, AKA

Guess the Body Part!

Can you match the picture with the body part? You can click for a larger version (although I don't know why you'd ever want these images to be larger on your computer screen). The body parts are:

1. Shoulder
2. Knee
3. Testicle
4. Butt cheek
5. Foot
6. Stomach
7. Chest

Leave your guesses in the comments. I don't think I'm going to give out a prize for this one, though. Because just by reading this post, we're all winners. Or is it losers?

And, while you're at it, head over to Amy at Amy's Musings to answer a plea she has for gift ideas for my birthday.

 

This week, I received a package from one of my favorite Canadian bloggers, Gwen from "Kill the body and the head will die". In her enclosed letter, she said that she thought I might enjoy this different type of Turkish Delight. Crazy Canadian!

 

This is an image-heavy post, so I hid that part behind the "more" link.

Last year, I did a little "by the numbers" thing for the party that worked pretty well, so I'm going to plagiarize myself and do it again!

Number of attendees: 56
Bloggers/friends & family of bloggers: 11
Lawyers/professionals/respectable people: 8
Comic book/computer/movie/tv/other geeks and friends & family: 30
My friends from high school or earlier: 4
Other miscellaneous random people: 6

Partygoers who showed up early to help set up: 4 (thanks Rick, Dave, James, and Gene!)
Average temperature while we decorated: 145 degrees
Gallons of sweat during set up: 72
Showers I took on the day of the party: 3

Farthest distance someone traveled for the party: 3,043 miles
Smallest distance someone traveled for the party: .5 miles
Largest distance my penis moved during the party: 6.75 inches

Time of first arrival: 7:55 PM
Time of last departure: 10:45 AM
Time of last departure from someone who didn't stay the night: 3:15 AM
Number of overnight guests: 3

Nipples shown: 1
Nipples shown to me: 0
Crotch shots or butt shots: 12
Crotch shots or butt shots that were inadvertent: 8

Applications requested for Camp Avitable: 6
Phone calls I made to FBI after the party: 6
Age of consent in Florida: 16

Karaoke songs performed: 43
Karaoke songs performed well: 3
Karaoke rap songs butchered by me: 1

Obscure costumes: 1
Really fucking obscure costumes: 2
Perverted costumes: 3
Racial stereotypes perpetuated: 3
Sexy costumes: 6
Sexy costumes that actually looked good: 6!

Total cost of party: $11,000
Cost of liquor: $1,000
Cost of food: $1,100
Cost of decorations: $1,800
Cost of hookers: $3,500
Cost of blow: $2,500
Cost of donkey for donkey show: $1,100

Falls: 0
Injuries: 0
Deaths: 0
Number of people who will return next year: hopefully 100%!

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For the pictures, I originally had this brilliant idea that I'd take photos of everyone and put them in these little pulp horror settings so that it would be different from everyone else's post. I started out with a good head of steam, but after a while, had to resort to stealing Bossy's technique for her photoblogging instead. So, that's why they're so inconsistent. Some of the photos are after the jump, and you can see all 300 of the photos, in an unsorted, jumbled mess, on Flickr.

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Read more...

 

From now on, it's no more of this:

And more of this:

Oh, and I got the Transformers DVD today in a case that transforms into Optimus Prime! SQUEEEE!!