Archive for the ‘TV and Movies’ Category

June 30th can't come fast enough!

Saturday, March 13th, 2010

I know this went live a few days ago, but it is pretty exciting! And fucking Team Jacob all the way!

My review of Alice in Wonderland (Spoiler Free)

Saturday, March 6th, 2010

I'm not sure what to say about this movie. I'll start with the visuals. It was beautiful. A perfect Tim Burton world, realized down to every little detail. I could watch full scenes without paying attention to the dialogue and just enjoy how damn pretty it looked, all with its own skewed twist.

The story, however, needed a lot of work. It was written like someone read Lewis Carroll's work, pulled out some key phrases, and tried to write a script around them. It didn't have the feel of Carroll, of his illogical logic and random strangeness. Rather than expand on the universe, using the same rules set forth by Carroll, it was a poorly made Xerox of Wonderland, with some smudges right where the important parts were.

I don't know what genius decided to name this "Alice in Wonderland" but make a Hook-like return to Wonderland. I don't know why anyone thought that watching Tim Burton work his mad genius on the original works would be a poor idea. I don't know why this movie existed other than to give Johnny Depp a ridiculous Scottish accent and a bigger role than he really needed.

I liked it, but it should have been named something different. And the dialogue should have been rewritten by someone with a brain. And the gorgeous actress who played Alice, Mia Wasikowska, should have done some full frontal nudity.

I give it three out of five vorpal blades.

(And for those of you who haven't read the original works, the poem I posted yesterday is verbatim from Carroll's works.)

My review of Edge of Darkness (Spoiler Free)

Friday, February 19th, 2010

Last night, I went to see "Edge of Darkness", Mel Gibson's first movie in eight years. I know many people who won't go watch him because of his drunken anti-Semitic tirade a few years ago, but I watch movies to see actors act. I don't have to like their personal views.

Edge of Darkness is a dark look at a cop who loses his only daughter. He is widowed, we presume, because there's no mention of his wife and her mother in the entire film. In the end, he has nothing left to live for, and he's determined that those responsible will pay. It's not as gritty as "Man on Fire" or "Payback", but it's not as slick as "Ransom", either. The tone is bleak but sometimes resorts to just enough bloody splashes of violence to change it up. Martin Campbell, who also directed "Casino Royale", which is one of the best Bond films to date, kept the story tight. With the exception of a few unnecessary moments of exposition that I can only imagine are put in there for audiences who can't understand the Boston accents being thrown around (It gets a bit thick sometimes!), it's a good movie. A little predictable and a little derivative, but I enjoyed seeing Mel Gibson in a role that he fits into like a glove.

I give it three out of five Sugartits.

The Oscar categories you don't know about

Wednesday, February 3rd, 2010

As you probably know, the Oscar nominations were announced yesterday, and there were a few pleasant additions, like Inglourious Basterds and District 9. With the Academy changing the rules and having 10 nominees for Best Picture, it seems like the Oscars have had a bit of an upheaval. But did you know that there are secret categories that they don't announce or televise? Here are just a few, along with the current frontrunner for each category:

Best Toy Line Turned Into a Movie: GI Joe
Worst Toy Line Turned Into a Movie: The Bratz Movie

Best Naked Blue Man: Dr. Manhattan, Watchmen
(Honorable Mention: Jakesully, Avatar)

Best Mall Cop Movie: Observe and Report

Coolest Nazi Ever: Hans Landa, Inglourious Basterds

Douchiest Movie Scene: "Robot Heaven", Transformers 2

Best Ryan Reynolds Role: The Proposal
Worst Ryan Reynolds Role: Wolverine

Best Title That Should be a Porn: The Lovely Bones

Best Use of Ryan from The Office: Inglourious Basterds

Worst Movie of the Year: Post Grad (oh, Rory)

My theories on LOST

Tuesday, February 2nd, 2010

Since December, thanks to urging by several friends, I have watched the entire first five seasons of LOST on Hulu in anticipation of the final season, which premieres tonight.

If you've never watched LOST and plan on it at some point in the future, you may want to stop reading now. Otherwise, continue.

Here are my theories on what's going to happen in this final season:

  • In the series finale, Jack is going to wake up in bed next to Suzanne Pleshette and tell her about the really weird dream he just had.
  • The island is actually from the planet Cybertron and the smoke monster is a wounded Megatron.
  • In the end, we find out that the island was created by Leland Palmer who was under the influence of Bob.
  • Ninjas.
  • The entire staff of writers leaves halfway through the season and so it ends on a weak note where fucking Lorelai doesn't end up with fucking Luke even though we all know they're meant for each other.
  • The Korean war will finally end.

What do you think will happen?

Movie studios have anally raped my childhood

Saturday, January 2nd, 2010

Yes, because "put on the jacket, take off the jacket" is just as memorable as "wax on, wax off."

My Top Ten TV Shows of 2009

Tuesday, December 29th, 2009

This list is a bit harder to put together, mainly because 2009 consists of both the end of the 2008-09 season and the beginning of the 2009-10 season. I tried to limit it only to shows that were still playing in 2009, which leaves out gems like Pushing Daisies, and I left out shows that I haven't watched regularly, which leaves out stinkers like The Big Bang Theory.

Here's the list of shows that I've watched at least two or three episodes of in 2009:

  1. 24
  2. 30 Rock
  3. Better Off Ted
  4. Castle
  5. Chuck
  6. The Cleveland Show
  7. Community
  8. Cougar Town
  9. Destination Truth
  10. Dollhouse
  11. Family Guy
  12. Fringe
  13. Ghost Hunters
  14. Ghost Hunters Academy
  15. Ghost Hunters International
  16. Glee
  17. It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
  18. Kath & Kim
  19. Law & Order
  20. Mad Men
  21. Modern Family
  22. Monk
  23. The Office
  24. Parks and Recreation
  25. Private Practice
  26. Psych
  27. Saturday Night Live
  28. Scrubs
  29. Simpsons
  30. Smallville
  31. Soup
  32. Supernatural
  33. Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles
  34. Top Chef

So with that in mind, here's my top ten television shows of 2009:

10. Better Off Ted: Created by Victor Fresco, the comedic genius behind the unfortunately canceled "Andy Richter Controls the Universe", "Better Off Ted" is a funny, sarcastic comedy about business life in a large R&D company. While occasionally missing the mark, it gets it right more times than not and some of the lines make me outright guffaw.

9. Cougar Town: I daresay Courteney Cox has never been as funny as she is in this role, a newly divorced woman in her 40s in Southern Florida. From her hilarious relationship with her son to her dysfunctional relationships with every other man out there, she is a great foil for her supporting characters. The cast includes the delightful Christa Miller, who is finally in a role worthy of her comedic ability, much like her Kate character from The Drew Carey Show. It's crass and sometimes simple, but it's always funny.

8. The Office: Over the last year, it seems like The Office has been getting more and more painfully awkward and less and less outright hilarious, but it's still a strong, excellent show. I don't mind the awkwardness, even if it does make it difficult to watch, but I do wish they could get back to the more even humor/awkward quotient from the second and third seasons. Steve Carell's Michael Scott remains one of my favorite characters on television today.

7. The Soup: Joel McHale and his staff of interns and writers manage to come up with weekly sight gags and snarky one-liners that are outright hysterical, especially in their amateur earnestness. I got to see Joel McHale do stand up comedy in Orlando a few months ago and it made me enjoy his show even more. I love that I don't have to watch trash like "So You Think You Can Dance" or "Keeping Up With The Kardashians" or "The Hills" or "The Bachelor", because they'll pull out the best and the worst and save me the pain of having to actually watch them!

6. Mad Men: One of the few dramas I watch, Mad Men was one of those shows that I got caught up on all at once, watching the seasons on iTunes one after the other (just like I'm doing with LOST right now), and it was a slow build. A slow, compelling build, and now I'm hooked and cannot wait until season 4 to start!

5. Supernatural: A show that started out as a relatively by-the-numbers monster of the week episodic has turned into a layered mulit-faceted story with well developed characters. It's funny, it's dark, and in this season, they go up against fucking Lucifer!

4. Modern Family: My top four shows were really hard to rank, but I gave it my best. I'd love to just declare a four-way tie, actually. Modern Family is a comedy that surprised me. I didn't expect it to be any good at all, and it was unusual that I even gave it a chance. But I'm glad I did. What a funny (and in a sweet, not mean way), smart, clever take on, well, the "modern family".

3. Glee: I am a total Gleek. I love the music and I love the dark humor and I love the twisted nature of this show. As long as the show keeps putting out quality music and amazing scenes like the one where Will and his wife confront each other, I'll keep watching. And singing. In a very gay way.

2. 30 Rock: I wish I could put 30 Rock as #1, but the last season has been a little more uneven than the one before. With lines like "I want to go to there" and Liz and Jack's friendship (he moves the candle because he knows she'll catch her sleeve on fire reaching for his dessert), it's quotable, memorable, and infinitely rewatchable.

1. Community: Community is THE first show that I watch when it's time to unload the DVR. On my last trip to Vegas, I downloaded the whole series to iTunes and laughed just like it was the first time I'd seen them. The cast is individually and collectively awesome. Joel McHale shines as the star, and he's supported considerably by comedy veteran Chevy Chase, who is finally given a role that he deserved. This is must see TV at its best, and if you haven't gotten around to watching this show, you are missing out.

Honorable Mentions: Fringe, 24, Destination Truth, Saturday Night Live

I can't really rate the worst five shows that are out there because I usually don't give a show more than 15-20 minutes if it sucks – plus, if I'm not watching it, it's probably shit.

My Top Ten Movies of 2009

Monday, December 28th, 2009

If all goes according to plan, the last four posts of the decade (I'm one of those contrary folk who start my decades with the ought year) will be top ten lists. Because there's nothing more interesting than some random person's idea of what constitutes the best, right?

My inaugural post will focus on movies. I can only choose from the movies that I've seen, obviously, so here is the list of the 52 theatrical releases from 2009 that I saw, in the theaters, with On Demand, or on Blu Ray (in alphabetical order):

  1. 2012
  2. (500) Days of Summer
  3. Adventureland
  4. Avatar
  5. The Blind Side
  6. Bruno
  7. District 9
  8. Drag Me To Hell
  9. Duplicity
  10. Extract
  11. Fame
  12. Fanboys
  13. Fantastic Mr. Fox
  14. Fast and Furious
  15. The Final Destination: 3D
  16. Funny People
  17. GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra
  18. The Hangover
  19. Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
  20. He's Just Not That Into You
  21. I Love You, Man
  22. Inglourious Basterds
  23. Jennifer's Body
  24. Julie & Julia
  25. The Last House on the Left
  26. My Bloody Valentine 3D
  27. Observe and Report
  28. Orphan
  29. Pandorum
  30. Paranormal Activity
  31. Post Grad
  32. The Proposal
  33. Public Enemies
  34. Push
  35. Sherlock Holmes
  36. Star Trek
  37. State of Play
  38. Surrogates
  39. The Taking of Pelham 123
  40. Taken
  41. Terminator Salvation
  42. The Time Traveler's Wife
  43. Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
  44. The Twilight Saga: New Moon
  45. The Ugly Truth
  46. Up
  47. Watchmen
  48. Where the Wild Things Are
  49. Whip It
  50. X-Men Origins: Wolverine
  51. Year One
  52. Zombieland

And here are the 16 movies that I haven't seen yet but plan to in the next year:

  1. 9
  2. Antichrist
  3. Away We Go
  4. Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call new Orleans
  5. The Boondock Saints II: All Saints Day
  6. The Brothers Bloom
  7. Everybody's Fine
  8. The Hurt Locker
  9. The International
  10. Invictus
  11. It's Complicated
  12. Me and Orson Welles
  13. Moon
  14. Nine
  15. Precious
  16. Up in the Air

So, without further ado, gauging primarily by rewatachability and sheer entertainment value, here are the movies that I've seen that I consider to be the best theatrical releases of 2009:

10. Observe and Report: This darkly humorous look at the pathetic life of a security guard with an inferiority complex is equal parts disturbing to watch and completely compelling. Anyone who went into the theater expecting a riff on "Paul Blart: Mall Cop" was in for a rude surprise, as Seth Rogen manages to transform himself from a lovable comic foil into a sad, angry, pathetic man. If the humor in this movie was only about schadenfreude, it wouldn't be nearly as good – instead, the writer/director managed to make us root for this despicable character at the same time that we despise him.

9. Funny People: Another Seth Rogen movie that wasn't quite a comedy makes my top ten list. This bittersweet take on the dark and sad life of a stand up comedian cum movie star, played by Adam Sandler in his best role since Punch Drunk Love, was a movie that I wish was even better. It was a bit uneven and needed some editing – I could see a director's cut or, alternatively an unedited longer version being one of my favorite movies of all time.

8. Zombieland: It's funny, gory, fast-paced, and has the best unbilled cameo of the last few years. Every actor, from Woody Harrelson to Jesse Eisenberg (playing the Michael Cera role better than Cera could have) to Emma Stone to Abigail Breslin, seemed perfect for their roles, and given the zombie nature of the film, the fact that none of the characters seemed safe made it a more enjoyable ride. I'm looking forward to watching this one again once it comes out on DVD/Blu Ray in February.

7. Inglourious Basterds: This movie might be Quentin Tarantino's best to date. It would be higher on my list if it weren't for a few elements that jarred me so badly – the Samuel L. Jackson's fourth-wall breaking narratives, which were completely unnecessary, and the introductions of a few of the Basterds in a completely anachronistic and stupid way. Other than these few occurrences, Tarantino's maturation as a creative force is highly evident, and I can't wait to see what he could do if he stopped with some of the amateurish flourishes that he is prone to use. Even if you're not a Tarantino fan, you should watch this movie. The opening scene will take your breath away.

6. Sherlock Holmes: I'm conflicted about how low this movie is on my list, but the fact is that it didn't make my jaw drop like the top 5 did. I still want to go see it again in the next week or so to give myself a chance to take it all in, because there were times when Robert Downey, Jr.'s Holmes spoke so quickly that I know I missed some of the excellent dialogue. Since I just reviewed it on Saturday, there's not much else I can say.

5. Avatar: Yet another movie that I've reviewed in the last week, so there's not much more to add. With fifteen years of planning, this movie could have not only blown me away with the immersive 3D graphics, but also wowed me with a complex, fascinating plot that avoided cliches and standard movie conventions. And while I'm willing to enjoy the journey, even when I know where the story's destination, what I heard about the original script's morally conflicted characters and gray areas explored leads me to wish for just a little more. The top four movies all demonstrated that you can have an amazing visual experience without sacrificing a great story, but maybe James Cameron needed another 15 years for that.

4. District 9: A great concept, a great story, and amazing graphics on a minuscule budget, District 9 managed to entertain me and make me think. It devolved in the third act a little, relying more on melodrama and blunt hammers of emotion instead of subtlety, but I was along for the whole ride and loved every minute of it.

3. Where The Wild Things Are: With the exception of a slow beginning that had me looking at my watch, I spent the rest of my time in the theater with a huge grin on my face. This movie took me back almost 30 years, remembering seeing this book for the first time. The illustrations quite adeptly came to life on the screen, and the voice acting, which I thought was all wrong when I walked into the theater, was absolutely pitch perfect. Here is an excellent example, only surpassed by the next movie on the list, of how a film can be for adults and kids at the same time. It's not hard to make a movie that doesn't talk down to kids, but also has enough subtext, beauty, and intelligence for adults to enjoy it, too, yet so many studios decide to go the stupid route because it's easier (See Alvin & The Chipmunks: The Squeakquel).

2. Fantastic Mr. Fox: There's just something about the combination of the jerky stop-motion animation, the voice acting, and the delightful story that made me beam throughout the entire movie. This is Wes Anderson's version of Ocean's Eleven, and it works perfectly. I can't think of a single element of the movie that I disliked or thought should be changed. The only reason that this movie is not my number one movie of the year is that my other choice marginally came ahead in the category of repeat viewings.

1. Star Trek: I am not a fan of Star Trek. I've never seen any of the series, and the only movie I've seen is the one where they went back in time to save the blue whales. And yet the revamp of Star Trek is my favorite movie of 2009 – not something I would have predicted last year! Sure, I knew that it was likely going to be enjoyable, due to the director and writers, but I never thought it would be so good. I saw it three times in the theater and have seen it an additional three times since buying it for home viewing. And it is just as good every single time. In fact, the second time I saw it, I enjoyed it more than the first time. I rarely look forward to sequels, but this is one movie where I cannot wait until they come out with a sequel, something that still at least a year or two off.

Honorable Mentions: (500) Days of Summer, The Blind Side, Paranormal Activity, Taken, and The Time Traveler's Wife.

And here are the five worst movies of 2009:

5. Year One – What the fuck was Harold Ramis thinking? Or Jack Black? Or Michael Cera? This could have been hysterical yet it missed the mark so badly. So, so badly.
4. The Ugly Truth – Hearing Gerard Butler do an American accent was painful, because apparently he feels the need to talk like he has a mouth full of marbles. The predictable story and the flat emotion between Butler and Katherine Heigl just made this hard to sit through without getting frustrated at missed opportunities for smart writing or cliche avoidance.
3. Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen – From the hour-long run through the desert to the racist ghetto bots to the humanoid Transformer to fucking robot heaven, this movie was so far from the fun romp of the original that Michael Bay should be ashamed of himself as he rolls around naked in his big fat piles of money.
2. X-Men Origins: Wolverine – If you're going to make a movie about a mutant who pops fucking metal claws out of his hands, which causes him extreme pain, makes him very cranky, and his origin is that he killed a lot of people, make it an R-rated movie.
1. Post Grad – Oh, Rory.

My review of Sherlock Holmes

Saturday, December 26th, 2009

I'm a fan of Sherlock Holmes. I've read every story written by A. Conan Doyle, and as a kid, would look up each word I didn't understand in the dictionary until I had reread the stories over and over again. I bought the .99 Kindle collection that has all of them so I can read them again. I've watched movies like The Zero Effect, which place someone with Sherlock Holmes's sensibilities and abilities in modern society. As someone who is relatively intuitive and deductive, I see Sherlock Holmes as one of my heroes. So it was with some trepidation that I sat down in a crowded theater at 7 PM on Christmas to watch the latest film incarnation of Baker Street's finest.

And I thoroughly enjoyed it. Robert Downey Jr.'s Holmes feels right. Jude Law's Watson may be a bit burlier and more assertive than the stories led on, but they were written by Watson himself, so you can surmise that maybe he practiced some humility and self-editing. The mystery was a good one, the action was excellent yet believable (I'm not an expert on the details of the era, so I can't argue whether or not there were anachronisms. I don't care.), and when they showed Holmes's deductive skills at work, I found myself laughing giddily.

It's smart, but it's broad enough for the general audience. It's funny, and I can forgive the few base jokes that do jar you out of the movie. It's exciting, and I never felt bored for a second. This movie is definitely one of my favorites for the year – how wonderful, between Sherlock Holmes and Avatar, to have two such amazing films to finish off the last decade!

I give it 4 and a half out of five pinches of snuff.

My review of Avatar (Spoiler Free)

Sunday, December 20th, 2009

avatar-movie-poster

Avatar is James Cameron's opus. He's been working on it for the last fifteen years, a fact that is certain to raise most people's expectations to impossible-to-meet standards. Without going into details, the film focuses on a future where the human race is attempting to mine an inhabited planet for a valuable resource. The inhabitants, a tall, strong, blue-skinned humanoid people called the Na'vi, are resisting, and so Na'vi bodies are grown that can be controlled remotely by humans so that they can walk among this alien race.

The story is predictable and simple. It's Dancing With Wolves meets Alien meets The Abyss. The original script treatment by Cameron had many more elements that created ambiguity and complexities that were noticeably absent in this version. I have no doubt that the director's cut will likely contain some of these aspects and will probably be six hours long, too.

Even with the basic plot and one-dimensional characters, the movie is phenomenal. I saw it in 3D, and the world was so engrossing that you begin to get lost in it. At one point, characters in the movie raised their arms, and I almost yelled at the people sitting in front of me because I thought it was them. You forget that most of the movie is not real. Each Na'vi is so realistic, with subtle facial expressions and a tangible feeling of having a soul, that you are fully invested in each of them as characters.

This movie earns its PG-13 rating. It's dark and violent and will frighten small children. The two five year old children seated behind me were perfect examples of kids who should not have been at this movie, especially since their mother had to leave with them about half way through. This is a movie for kids 10 and older, at the very minimum, and only those who have the attention span to sit still for almost three hours.

I thoroughly enjoyed the film and can't wait to go back and watch it again, this time in IMAX 3D. It's one of my favorite movies of the year. I give it four and a half out of five stars.