I'm not sure what to say about this movie. I'll start with the visuals. It was beautiful. A perfect Tim Burton world, realized down to every little detail. I could watch full scenes without paying attention to the dialogue and just enjoy how damn pretty it looked, all with its own skewed twist.

The story, however, needed a lot of work. It was written like someone read Lewis Carroll's work, pulled out some key phrases, and tried to write a script around them. It didn't have the feel of Carroll, of his illogical logic and random strangeness. Rather than expand on the universe, using the same rules set forth by Carroll, it was a poorly made Xerox of Wonderland, with some smudges right where the important parts were.

I don't know what genius decided to name this "Alice in Wonderland" but make a Hook-like return to Wonderland. I don't know why anyone thought that watching Tim Burton work his mad genius on the original works would be a poor idea. I don't know why this movie existed other than to give Johnny Depp a ridiculous Scottish accent and a bigger role than he really needed.

I liked it, but it should have been named something different. And the dialogue should have been rewritten by someone with a brain. And the gorgeous actress who played Alice, Mia Wasikowska, should have done some full frontal nudity.

I give it three out of five vorpal blades.

(And for those of you who haven't read the original works, the poem I posted yesterday is verbatim from Carroll's works.)

Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe:
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.

"Beware the Jabberwock, my son!
The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!
Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun
The frumious Bandersnatch!"

He took his vorpal sword in hand:
Long time the manxome foe he sought –
So rested he by the Tumtum tree,
And stood awhile in thought.

And, as in uffish thought he stood,
The Jabberwock, with eyes of flame,
Came whiffling through the tulgey wood,
And burbled as it came!

One, two! One, two! And through and through
The vorpal blade went snicker-snack!
He left it dead, and with its head
He went galumphing back.

"And, has thou slain the Jabberwock?
Come to my arms, my beamish boy!
O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!'
He chortled in his joy.

Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.

With apologies to John Tenniel

Take 43 "umms" and "uhs".
Add three derailments of a train of thought.
Mix well with one shitty conclusion.
Half bake for 4 minutes and voila.
My first vlog in my new house!

Ramblin' Man from Adam Avitable on Vimeo.

I love to work with music blasting. And while sometimes that means classical, it usually means dancy, upbeat, poppy stuff that has bass. The problem is, I feel like I've been repeating the same songs over and over and it's time to inject some fresh blood into my music IV.

I like female musicians almost exclusively, and I have the musical taste of your average 11 or 12-year old girl. Here are some of the groups I listen to on repeat right now:

Ke$ha
The Millionaires
Robyn
Pink
Lady Gaga
Britney Spears
Little Boots
Avril Lavigne
No Doubt
Lords of Acid
Peaches
Ladytron
Gorillaz
Air
Taylor Swift

I already posted this on Twitter but thought I'd carry it over to my blog too. Do you have any suggestions to add to my excellent, high quality list of musical talent? Links to Youtube videos or audio tracks of said music get extra credit.

And in case you missed it a while ago, here I am dancing to some Lords of Acid:

I want to see your pussy from Adam Avitable on Vimeo.

Dear Old Lady Shauna,

Today is your 40th birthday. Well, not for your boobs, but for the rest of you. And while you may feel old and decrepit and like you already have one foot in the grave, it's not true! Aging is the natural way of life, but it's understandable that you may worry about being less desirable or less attractive after the age of 40. I want to help you get rid of that fear, because I am a giver. Seriously – the Pope needs to authorize Saint Avitable posthaste.

So, in order to make you realize that 40 isn't the end and that suicide isn't the way to go just yet, here are 40 people and things that are 40 or older that I'd totally rub my nuts on:

1. Demi Moore
2. Jason Bateman
3. Planet of the Apes
4. Dr. No
5. Cate Blanchett
6. A giant redwood
7. Jennifer Aniston
8. Uranus
9. The Internet
10. Marisa Tomei
11. Lauren Graham
12. Superman
13. The Producers
14. Bill Cosby
15. Sherlock Holmes
16. Julia Louis Dreyfus
17. The Three Musketeers
18. Blueberry Pie
19. Mashed Potatoes
20. Las Vegas
21. Batman
22. Elisabeth Shue
23. Stacey Dash
24. Don Quixote
25. Scrabble
26. Ninjas
27. Pepperoni Pizza
28. Socks
29. Kristin Davis
30. Courteney Cox Arquette
31. "Unchained Melody"
32. Where The Wild Things Are
33. Hershey's
34. George Clooney
35. Sandra Bullock
36. "Sweet Caroline"
37. The telephone
38. Reese's Peanut Butter Cups
39. Monopoly
40. Vaginas

So, see? You're in good company! Happy birthday, Shauna Glenn!

Anyone watching CNN on Saturday probably witnessed the pulse-pounding, nail-biting broadcast focused on a reef off of the coast of Hawaii, awaiting the destructive forces of a tsunami. Rarely has there been a broadcast so packed with intensity and urgency about such a life-altering issue of world concern. In fact, I can only think of the following several instances of breaking news that CNN covered as well as this one:

• President Obama's Shoes Untied, Trip and Fall Expected
• Will Spelling Bee Semi-Finalists Misspell a Word?
• The Exciting World of Pi to 10,000 Digits
• The Toyota Recall: Important Technical Jargon that You Must Know or You Might Die!
• The Cure For Cancer – We Watch Scientists Look at Things in Microscopes
• Records Being Broken: How Long Can One Man Stand Still and Will He Get into the Guinness Book?
• Words That Begin With A – Part 1 of a 26-Part Series
• Breaking News: Paint Drying

Thank you, CNN, for being our source for timely, pressing, breaking news!

As many of you know, I've lost about 120 pounds since last February, thanks to the lap-band surgery I had in March (Brief status update – I've plateaued for a little while, due mainly to my high levels of stress, but I'll start making progress again soon). The lap band prevents me from eating more than four ounces of food at a time, although if you drink liquids while you eat or eat very slippery foods (aka those with ranch/mayo/etc), you can eat a little more. Tonight, I'm at home, watching "Man v. Food" and thinking "I could do that show." Well, I could have. It would be hard to eat the largest steak in Colorado or the largest burrito in Texas now! That got me thinking . . .

The things I miss:

• Eating an appetizer, bread, a huge entree, and dessert.
• Enjoying a big bite of a burger.
• That feeling of satisfaction of cleaning a plate of food.
• Getting to actually eat Thanksgiving dinner.
• Never worrying about vomiting or having trouble swallowing

The things I don't miss:

• Not being able to sit in a booth or in a chair with restrictive arms.
• Acid reflux and heartburn.
• Difficulty doing anything strenuous like walking more than 100 yards.
• Always being hot.
• Never feeling comfortable in public.
• Worrying if a chair would hold me.
• Hating every photo taken of me.
• Only shopping at a Big and Tall store.
• Being unable to buckle my seatbelt without effort.
• Worrying about being dead by 40.

I guess it's not such a big deal after all if I can't do what he can do on Man v. Food.

1. If you asked a question a few days ago, or if you're curious, go here to see the 50 or so questions that I was asked, along with answers.
2. Today's the last day to vote for a Room of Your Own for BlogHer, so if you haven't already, please do so. Click here for my room and here for Faiqa's.

No real post today. But, if you haven't already, please take the time to do the following:

1. Vote for my Room Of Your Own for BlogHer 2010. Even if you're not planning on attending, a vote that you would attend shows interest and is likely to get my room chosen. If you don't have a BlogHer account, you'll have to create one, and you have to be logged in. It shouldn't take more than five minutes, and the voting ends on Sunday.

2. While you're logged in, vote for Faiqa's room too!

3. Ask me anything. I'll answer the questions in a later post:

(No, that's not the comment form, retard. Scroll down to leave a comment.)

(Oh, and you can go here to see my answers and ask more questions.)

I originally had a post half-written from the point of view of Tilikum, the killer whale who killed Dawn Brancheau, a senior trainer at Sea World, yesterday. It was a diary told from the orca's perspective, showing a building resentment towards the trainer thanks to perceived slights and insults.

But then I reconsidered and thought that maybe I was being a little insensitive. I am a fan of the maxim that funny trumps all, but all this woman did was her job. It's one thing to find the humor in something, but what's the porpoise of it all if I'm hurting someone at the same time? Especially since this was a death that was witnessed by her coworkers and an entire grouper of spectators.

I know it may seem fishy that I'm having a change of heart when I'm not usually known for being so tactful. However, this is a local story and I didn't want to appear to be baiting anyone with a sharky sarcastic post. Additionally, this woman walrus not in the public spotlight and didn't deserve a post a trout her death when it doesn't appear to be anything other than an accident.

On the flipper side, these are dangerous wild animals. They're called killer whales for a reason, and fin order to survive around them, one has to be vigilant at all times. I think it might be easy for a trainer who had been working with them for so long to start sealing them as being friendly orca domesticated, and it's events like this that act as a reminder to always be clam, cautious and never treat wild animals caviarly.

My condolences go out tuna the family. And maybe once this isn't so fresh, I'll be able to write a funny post about it without seeming like too much of a basshole.