During last night's show (which you can download here or add to your iTunes here), we discussed a topic with which both Britt and I have very little personal experience: arranged marriage.
I consider arranged marriages to be antiquated and old-fashioned. I think that it's already difficult to have a long, successful, happy marriage when both parties are independently deciding to marry. Being happy in a marriage when you barely have time to figure out if the person your parents chose is compatible has to be damn near impossible.
Proponents of arranged marriage point to the fact that the divorce rate for arranged marriage is much lower than for traditional marriages. I would like to point to the fact that divorce has such a heavy stigma with it, both culturally and familially (which is apparently a word I just invented), that many arranged marriages end up with people who dislike or maybe just tolerate each other for the rest of their sad, unfortunate lives.
Britt also mentioned that an arranged marriage isn't necessarily a forced marriage – that the person is making the choice to marry. I don't think it's really a choice – walking away from your entire family and support structure is an impossible task for many people in this situation.
Here are some declarative statements that I have no problem making:
1. Arranging a marriage for someone by age 25 because otherwise they're likely to be a disgrace if they're older and single is wrong.
2. Arranging a marriage where inordinate pressure is put on the woman to bear children is wrong.
3. Spending the rest of your life with someone that you might "learn to love" is wrong.
4. It's not a noble sacrifice to give up your entire life to marry a stranger so that you can support your family and their culture. It's more like indentured servitude.
5. Making someone choose between a life of arrange marriage or a life without your family is wrong.
6. Marriage should be about two adults making the decision to spend the rest of their lives together. Whether it's based on love or lust or coincidence, it doesn't matter. What matters is that the choice was theirs and theirs alone.
What do you think about arranged marriage?
