My mood ebbs and flows. Today, I feel like talking about just a few types of people that I hate. If you see yourself in here, it doesn't mean I'm thinking of you. It just means that maybe you should take a look at yourself – you might suck!

I hate . . .

1. The White Trash Whore – Do you wear thick blue mascara around both your eyes and wear clothes so tight that you look like a fat, ugly version of Daisy Duke? Are you on the government's dime with a really poor excuse why you can't work a real job? Do you do nothing but whine and bitch about things not being easy for you? Do you watch Oprah or Dr. Phil and agree with absolutely everything they have to say? Are your kids not even yours but you say you love them until they're obnoxious little shits and then you make it clear they're not yours? Do you live in a trailer but dream of living in a big mansion and lay on the pull-out couch talking about it with your worthless boyfriend, and do your plans of making it to that big mansion involve buying lottery tickets instead of working hard? Have you ever thought that one of Jeff Foxworthy's redneck jokes hit too close to home? Have you ever turned the oven on and left it open to heat your house? I fucking hate you.

2. The Confused Political Theorist – Do you think you're a liberal but want to censor and punish everyone who doesn't agree with you? Do you support freedom of speech unless it doesn't suit your needs? Do you think you're a conservative but you espouse sexist and racist views? Do you want corporations to have power and a powerful veil of privacy, but you want to regulate what citizens do in the privacy of their own home? Are you a drunk who thinks marijuana is harmful? Do you agree with Rush Limbaugh, Bill O'Reilly, Al Franken, Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton, Ann Coulter, or Michael Moore? Do you think Don Imus should have been fired, really? Do you think Bill Clinton should have been impeached, really? Do you blindly support W or, conversely, celebrate dead soldiers? I fucking hate you.

3. The Brainless – Do you make decisions based on one side of an argument, without even considering facts not in evidence or that one side's motivation? Do you hear something from an unknown third party and treat it like gospel? Do you forward email warnings about dangers that are clearly urban legends? Do you think Target is a French company that hates America? Do you think that flashing your brights will get you run off the road? Do you know that there's a site called Snopes that you can use to check emails before forwarding them but you can't be bothered? Do you accept all authority unflinchingly and without doubt? Do you still have a problem with "your", "you're", "their", "they're", "there", "it's", and "its", even though it's been drilled into your head a million times? Do you assume that someone speaking with a foreign accent is stupid? Do you say "What?" with a stupid look on your face when people try to talk to you? Have you ever believed anything that a morning DJ said? I fucking hate you.

I know, it's only three groups of people, but it's good enough for tonight. If you read this, and you apply to all three groups, please go see how many lit M-80s you can eat before they explode. Please go do a personal tire inflation check on every car going down the busiest interstate in your town. Please go lay down behind the local drunk's truck at your local dive bar. Please go see if the guns at the range are loaded by looking down the barrel. Please go roll in honey and hang out where bears play. Please go receive anal sex from an angry horse. I fucking hate you.