Posts Tagged ‘cards’

Happy Anna Howard Shaw Day!

Sunday, February 14th, 2010

I thought I'd rerun a Valentine's Day post from last year, with some of the card ideas I came up with. I would actually write a real post, but I'm headed out to a Rock Band Valentine's Day party and I'm sorry, but that obviously takes more precedence over writing humorous posts for a day that's only in existence because of companies like Hallmark's and Whitman.

Here are just a few of my new card ideas:

For your mistress

For your mistress

For the serial killer's girlfriend

For the serial killer's girlfriend

For the lazy wife

For the lazy wife

For the liberal wife

For the liberal wife

For the man-whore's girlfriend

For the man-whore's girlfriend

(for those of you who didn't get the title – check out 30 Rock and this Wikipedia article)

The black section?

Thursday, January 29th, 2009
Front of card

Front of card

Inside of card

Inside of card

On Monday, at Texas de Brazil, I got the above birthday card from a friend as a joke. After I read it out loud at the table, laughing, I flipped the card over to see that it's apparently from "Mahogany", which is a separate division of Hallmark.

What makes them different? Well, Mahogany is a division of Hallmark devoted exclusively to cards for black consumers. From the site:

Mahogany features more than 800 cards to help African Americans honor their relationships in innovative, compelling and culturally-relevant ways . . . Mahogany's innovative, dynamic designs and heartwarming sentiments serve as an affirmation of African-American culture and heritage.

I'm not sure how you would know this from the card. Is saying "baby" and talking provocatively something that black men do on birthdays? If I read the card in a deep Barry White voice, will it make women orgasm instantly? What makes this card black? In my opinion, it's just a farce that fosters corporate greed while SEGREGATING RACES!

Apparently, it's working, though, because Hallmark has now announced a new division of cards called Cherry Blossom. This new division would be dedicated primarily to those of Asian descent. Here are just a few of the cards that will be coming out shortly:

For Vietnamese, Korean, Middle Eastern, and Indian cultures

For Chinese, Vietnamese, Korean, Middle Eastern, and Indian cultures

For the Japanese

For the Japanese

For the Chinese

For the Chinese


In other Avitanews, my birthday was outstanding. Thank you to each and every one of you who took the time to wish me a happy birthday. I also wanted to individually thank the people who sent me a gift, a card, or who took the time to mention my birthday in a post. I'm hoping that this list is inclusive, but if for some reason I'm a total tard and I forgot you, please email me so I can rectify the situation immediately. It's not that I'm ungrateful, it's that I'm disorganized!

Thank you to:

Janelle
Poppy
NYCWD
Heather
Finn
Karl
Bethie
Sheila
RW
Grant
Liquid
Becky
Faiqa
Hilly
Sybil
Karen
Britt
Stephanie
Tracy
James

Updated to add:
Cris
Lisa
Paul

Who wants a Christmas card?

Wednesday, November 19th, 2008

It's that time of year, fuckers. I'm preparing my list of names and addresses for holiday cards.

Last year we sent out this one:

In 2006 we sent out this one:

And the year before, we sent out this newsletter:

Front side (PDF)
Back side (PDF)

If you got one or all of these, chances are I already have you in my address book, and you'll be getting a new card or letter this year. However, if you've moved or just want to make sure that you're included, just follow these simple instructions to make sure you're on this year's mailing list. Please follow the instructions exactly as it makes it much easier for me:

Email me. My email address is my first name at my last name dot com. My name is Adam Avitable.

The subject line of the email must be "Christmas Cards 2008".

In the email please put your name and address in this format:

First Name Last Name
Street Address
Address Line 2 (if any)
City, State Zip
Country (if not USA)

That way, when I put it in a spreadsheet, it's much easier to parse the data.

This year's card may be offensive. It may be horrifying. It may be horribly boring. It may be late. I have no idea because I haven't even thought about it yet!


In other Avita-news:

Tonight is a brand new installment of "Clearly, You're Retarded"!

Should kids be allowed out of the house before they're 18? What places are acceptable to bring small children? When should parents just leave their brats at home? Since my preference is that kids should just stay locked in a closet until they're old enough to drive, we have a lot to talk about!

Britt and I are going to discuss when parents should leave their kids home from 9 PM to 10 PM EST on Talkshoe. You can listen live online at Talkshoe.com, or download the Talkshoe application and you can chat and even call in!