-
-
-
-
-
- Andy Rooney
- Steve Jobs
- Amy Winehouse
- Leonard Stern, creator of Mad Libs
- Jack Kevorkian
- Randy "Macho Man" Savage
- Osama bin Laden
- Elizabeth Taylor
- Jack LaLanne
- Leslie Nielsen
- Bob Guccione
- Barbara Billingsley
- Tony Curtis
- Dennis Hopper
- Gary Coleman
- Chinese murderer**
- Casey, aka Moosh In Indy*
- Adolf Hitler
- Peter Graves
- Corey Haim
- My Grandmother**
- Roy Scheider
- Zelda Rubinstein, J.D. Salinger
- Brittany Murphy
- Oral Roberts
- John Lennon
- Ken Ober
- Henry Gibson
- Patrick Swayze
- Ted Kennedy
- John Hughes
- Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett
- Walter Cronkite
- Billy Mays
- Ed McMahon
- Stephen Hawking*
- Robert Novak
- Caylee Anthony
- David Carradine
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
Find me at:
Tag Archives: children
Tugging
When I hear about the intense pride, affection and love that my friends have for their children, I sometimes feel a little tug. A quick grasp on my leg. I look down and “Come play with me, Daddy,” she says, … Continue reading
Children’s Gift Guide for People Who Hate Kids
As everyone probably knows, with the exception of the children of a few friends, I hate your kids. But that doesn’t mean I don’t have to buy gifts for them sometimes. I buy all the gifts in our household so … Continue reading
Posted in Avitable Gives Advice
Tagged children, christmas, christmas shopping, gift guide, gifts, gifts for kids, good for the kids, guide, humor, shopping, wish list
83 Comments
Shut the fucking baby-making factory down
The Duggar family is expecting another child. This will be their 19th. What the fuck? How do they even have sex anymore? It must be like throwing a hot dog down a hallway. In honor of their 19 spawn, here … Continue reading
Posted in General
Tagged 18 and counting, babies, children, comedy, duggar, family, fertilization, humor, jon plus kate, procreation
137 Comments
Do you spank your kids?
Last night on “Clearly, You’re Retarded“, my special guest host Faiqa and I discussed spanking as a form of discipline. If you want to check out the show, you can download the episode and listen to it or subscribe to … Continue reading
Super Happy Special Announcement
Tonight there is a brand-new installment of “Clearly, You’re Retarded” with a twist! Britt isn’t able to do the show tonight, so instead, I have a super special guest host, Faiqa! Faiqa is willingly stepping into Britt’s shoes for the … Continue reading
Posted in CYR
Tagged avitable, children, CYR, faiqa, native-born, parents, spanking, talkshoe
24 Comments
Amber Alert: Missing Children
Many of you were wondering why I kept pestering each of you for photos of yourself as a child. As part of our theme of an old abandoned carnival, the concept was designed around the idea that the reason the … Continue reading
Battered and bruised
I’m sitting here at 11:00 on Sunday night, trying to write a post. Every time I type a key, I wince – every movement sends pain throughout my body. My body is black and blue, and it hurts to breathe. … Continue reading
Pedophobe
It all started innocently enough, with my phone ringing. “Yes, Britt?” I answered. “Hey, I was just wondering, SNOORKGARSHHHHH,” she exhaled smoke while talking, “do you want to catch a movie this afternoon?” “Sure! That would be fun.” “So, yes? … Continue reading
Kids
After hearing about two mothers who I know are excellent parents who had one child running around with a sharp tool that almost gouged her eye out, and another baby who managed to eat dinner at a neighbor’s house without … Continue reading
Posted in Love and marriage
Tagged avitable, child-free, children, kids, serious, thinker
79 Comments
