Tag Archives: dark humor

My Interview with Andy Rooney

Andy Rooney, nonagenarian curmudgeon, died over the weekend at the age of 92. I sat down for a posthumous interview with him: Me: So, Mr. Rooney . . . AR: Please, call me Mr. Rooney. Me: I wanted to just … Continue reading

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Third World Responses to First World Problems

First World Problems Third World Response There’s a fly in my soup. What’s soup and why would you complain about having protein in it? The weatherman said it wasn’t going to rain so I played golf and got wet. Hopefully … Continue reading

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My Interview with Jack Kevorkian

Dr. Jack Kevorkian, aka “Dr. Death”, died today at the age of 83.  Given the fact that I’m a posthumous journalist of the highest caliber, I got first dibs on an interview: Me:  Let me start this interview off by … Continue reading

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My interview with Caylee Anthony. Yeah, the dead kid.

This is a slightly edited repost from December 15, 2008, which was the very first posthumous interview I ever did. I think that with the Casey Anthony Trial hysteria sweeping the nation right now, it might be appropriate to republish … Continue reading

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My Interview with ‘Macho Man’ Randy Savage

Famed Slim Jim spokesman and professional wrestler Randy “Macho Man” Savage died yesterday at the age of 58.  I snapped into an interview with him: Me:  Hi Mr. Savage, thanks for talking to me. RS:  Ohhhhh man.  What happened? Me: … Continue reading

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Fuck you and your fucking rapture, fuckers.

May 21st. That’s when it all ends.  According to Harold Camping: I’m not going to let a hundred-year old man who looks like a sleazy accountant who rents an office in a strip mall between a Panda Express and a … Continue reading

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In honor of the 25-year anniversary of the Challenger explosion . . .

Yesterday was the 25th anniversary of the Challenger disaster. I had just turned 9 years old two days prior and watched the explosion happen on TV in school. I remember not understanding what happened, and my teacher turning off the … Continue reading

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My Interview with Jack LaLanne

Jack LaLanne, the fitness guru, died at his home on Sunday at the age of 96. I sat down with him after his death and interviewed him. Me: Thank you for speaking with me, Mr. LaLanne. JL: Plmrph krmble grunph. … Continue reading

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My interview with Bob Guccione

Bob Guccione, founder of Penthouse, died last week at the age of 79.  I had a posthumous chat with the porn magnate. Me:  Thank you for taking the time, Mr. Guccione. BG:  No problem!  Anything to please a male fan … Continue reading

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It’s not about gay teens committing suicide. It’s about committing suicide for the WRONG REASONS.

While it’s not a new epidemic, there has been a rash of bullying leading to teen suicides recently, most markedly among gay teens.  There’s been a recent movement called “It Gets Better“, which uses first-person testimonials from real adults trying … Continue reading

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