Tag Archives: dark humor

My Interview with Andy Rooney

Posted on Sunday, November 6, 2011 by Avitable

Andy Rooney, nonagenarian curmudgeon, died over the weekend at the age of 92. I sat down for a posthumous interview with him: Me: So, Mr. Rooney . . . AR: Please, call me Mr. Rooney. Me: I wanted to just … Continue reading →

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Third World Responses to First World Problems

Posted on Monday, August 29, 2011 by Avitable

First World Problems Third World Response There’s a fly in my soup. What’s soup and why would you complain about having protein in it? The weatherman said it wasn’t going to rain so I played golf and got wet. Hopefully … Continue reading →

Posted in I am evil | Tagged , , , , , | 20 Comments

My Interview with Jack Kevorkian

Posted on Friday, June 3, 2011 by Avitable

Dr. Jack Kevorkian, aka “Dr. Death”, died today at the age of 83.  Given the fact that I’m a posthumous journalist of the highest caliber, I got first dibs on an interview: Me:  Let me start this interview off by … Continue reading →

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My interview with Caylee Anthony. Yeah, the dead kid.

Posted on Thursday, May 26, 2011 by Avitable

This is a slightly edited repost from December 15, 2008, which was the very first posthumous interview I ever did. I think that with the Casey Anthony Trial hysteria sweeping the nation right now, it might be appropriate to republish … Continue reading →

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My Interview with ‘Macho Man’ Randy Savage

Posted on Saturday, May 21, 2011 by Avitable

Famed Slim Jim spokesman and professional wrestler Randy “Macho Man” Savage died yesterday at the age of 58.  I snapped into an interview with him: Me:  Hi Mr. Savage, thanks for talking to me. RS:  Ohhhhh man.  What happened? Me: … Continue reading →

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Fuck you and your fucking rapture, fuckers.

Posted on Thursday, May 19, 2011 by Avitable

May 21st. That’s when it all ends.  According to Harold Camping: I’m not going to let a hundred-year old man who looks like a sleazy accountant who rents an office in a strip mall between a Panda Express and a … Continue reading →

Posted in I am evil, Rants | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 26 Comments

In honor of the 25-year anniversary of the Challenger explosion . . .

Posted on Saturday, January 29, 2011 by Avitable

Yesterday was the 25th anniversary of the Challenger disaster. I had just turned 9 years old two days prior and watched the explosion happen on TV in school. I remember not understanding what happened, and my teacher turning off the … Continue reading →

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My Interview with Jack LaLanne

Posted on Tuesday, January 25, 2011 by Avitable

Jack LaLanne, the fitness guru, died at his home on Sunday at the age of 96. I sat down with him after his death and interviewed him. Me: Thank you for speaking with me, Mr. LaLanne. JL: Plmrph krmble grunph. … Continue reading →

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My interview with Bob Guccione

Posted on Monday, October 25, 2010 by Avitable

Bob Guccione, founder of Penthouse, died last week at the age of 79.  I had a posthumous chat with the porn magnate. Me:  Thank you for taking the time, Mr. Guccione. BG:  No problem!  Anything to please a male fan … Continue reading →

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It’s not about gay teens committing suicide. It’s about committing suicide for the WRONG REASONS.

Posted on Friday, October 22, 2010 by Avitable

While it’s not a new epidemic, there has been a rash of bullying leading to teen suicides recently, most markedly among gay teens.  There’s been a recent movement called “It Gets Better“, which uses first-person testimonials from real adults trying … Continue reading →

Posted in I am evil | Tagged , , , , , , | 46 Comments