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- Andy Rooney
- Steve Jobs
- Amy Winehouse
- Leonard Stern, creator of Mad Libs
- Jack Kevorkian
- Randy "Macho Man" Savage
- Osama bin Laden
- Elizabeth Taylor
- Jack LaLanne
- Leslie Nielsen
- Bob Guccione
- Barbara Billingsley
- Tony Curtis
- Dennis Hopper
- Gary Coleman
- Chinese murderer**
- Casey, aka Moosh In Indy*
- Adolf Hitler
- Peter Graves
- Corey Haim
- My Grandmother**
- Roy Scheider
- Zelda Rubinstein, J.D. Salinger
- Brittany Murphy
- Oral Roberts
- John Lennon
- Ken Ober
- Henry Gibson
- Patrick Swayze
- Ted Kennedy
- John Hughes
- Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett
- Walter Cronkite
- Billy Mays
- Ed McMahon
- Stephen Hawking*
- Robert Novak
- Caylee Anthony
- David Carradine
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
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Tag Archives: dear-abby
Just call me Dear Abby . . . again
Before you read today’s post, I’m almost ready to start sending out Christmas cards, so if you haven’t yet added your name to my mailing list, go do it now! Last year I took it upon myself to go through … Continue reading
Dear Avitable Weekly Column #1
Last week I solicited advice questions for my new weekly advice column. I chose a few of the questions I received to answer in today’s post, my inaugural advice column: Blondefabulous asked: Yesterday I blogged about being taken advantage of … Continue reading
If Dear Abby had a set of testicles
Way back in March, I helped the ladies of Cosmo. Now I’m focusing my genius and years of experience on the poor saps who write letters to Dear Abby. STEAMED IN VAN NUYS asks: For 20 years I have gone … Continue reading
Posted in Avitable Gives Advice
Tagged advice, advice column, comedy, dear-abby, humor, sarcasm
52 Comments
We can fix your life
“Please, Britt,” I beg. “It will only last an hour.” “Not tonight,” she says bluntly. “I have a headache and I’m tired and I don’t feel like it.” “Fine, maybe I’ll just do it with myself or even ask Faiqa … Continue reading
Posted in CYR
Tagged advice, advice column, avitable, britt, CYR, dear-abby, miss britt, talkshoe
22 Comments
Avitable helps the ladies of Cosmo
I’m a problem solver. When people have issues or questions, even ones that they don’t know, I feel obligated to step up and help. I’m always right, I’m smarter than they are, and their lives will be better as a … Continue reading
Posted in General
Tagged advice, advice column, avitable, comedy, cosmo, cosmo magazine, cosmopolitan, dear-abby, humor
30 Comments
Blog Anal. ysis.
According to WordPress, today is my 1500th post. Since starting to blog in June 2004, I’ve written 589,763 words. I’ve received 31,223 comments. My commenters have written 1,105,343 words. According to Typealyzer, my blog’s Myers-Briggs personality type is ISTP – … Continue reading
Posted in CYR, General
Tagged advice, analysis, avitable, blog stats, blogging, CYR, dear-abby, milestones, talkshoe
37 Comments
Dear Abby can suck a nut
As everybody knows, Britt and I take an hour every Wednesday to debate a topic on the air. It’s a fun hour, and things usually get heated as we tear each other to shreds over the other’s opinion, and everybody … Continue reading
The Sound of One Hand Fapping
As many of you already know from my treatise on dog fucking, at my heart, I am an educator. So when my stats showed that someone found my blog by searching Google for “What do I do with my jizz … Continue reading
Posted in Dirty talk
Tagged advice, auto-fellate, avitable, come, dear-abby, dirty, ejaculation, fellatio, humor, jizz, masturbation, semen, tasteless
70 Comments
