Have you ever read my "100 Things About Avitable"? No? Okay, go read it. I'll wait.
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Jesus, you're a slow reader. C'mon!
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Okay, well, that list is now defunct. Aren't you glad you just wasted all that time? That list of 100 things about me was written by a married man who weighed 420 pounds, hated leaving the house, and generally feared doing a lot of things. And while I still have a way to go before I'm the polar opposite of who I was then, I think that I have a different perspective on life and new goals for myself. As a result, I think it's time for a new list of things about Adam Heath Avitable.
And what better way to start than listing 5 new habits I have?
100. Swiffering. Monday nights is reserved for naked Swiffering. The nudity isn't related to the Swiffering – it just happens to coincide. My new house is a four-bedroom home with tile everywhere except the three guest rooms, which I don't really enter anyway. I have one of those Swiffers that has a vacuum attachment, so I do a dry run through the house and then switch out for the wet Swiffer pads and usually go through 3-4 of those mopping the whole house. There's something freeing about Swiffering, although I don't know if it's the part about getting the house clean or doing it bare-ass naked. Well, with socks on.
99. Making my bed. The last time I made a bed regularly, it was 1988. Now that it's just my bed, though, I've found that I enjoy making it look nice, so every morning I make the bed, arrange all six pillows on it, even if I'm the only one who's going to see it all day. I used to feel like making a bed was a stupid endeavor because you were only going to mess it up again 12 hours later, but something's changed, and now it feels wrong if it's unmade. Even if I take a nap in the middle of the day, I'll remake it as soon as I get up.
98. Doing laundry. I rarely did laundry while I was married. It wasn't because I expected Amy to do it – she just did it as a matter of habit, and I didn't stop her. Over the last few years, when she traveled, I'd do my own laundry, but usually that meant waiting until I had no clothes left, and then throwing everything into one load and not folding anything. Now, though, I do my laundry once a week, which includes all my sheets and towels, too. And I fold everything. I hang up all of my shirts, fold my underwear, pair my socks, and put everything away quickly. The last time I was single was during law school, and I owned enough socks and underwear to wait almost 60 days before doing laundry. That's how I expected I would be now, so this desire to laundry and the resulting enjoyment I get from it, is really alien to me.
97. Walking. Amy and I share custody of Jigsaw, our dog. Every weekday, I go over to the old house in the morning and whistle for her, and she runs out through the back door and over to the side gate. I drive her over here and she stays with me all day until I drive her home in the evening. It's nice for Jigsaw to have company, and it's nice for me to get to see my dog. I've also started taking her on a walk every afternoon and have kept this up almost the last three to four weeks consecutively. It's good for her, good for me, and gives me a chance to show my neighbors that I'm not some crazy Unabomber type living alone who never leaves his house.
96. Setting an alarm. In my old life, I would usually wake up somewhere between 6:30-7:30 every morning, depending how late I stayed up the night before. Amy isn't the quietest person in the morning, and between her and the dog, I didn't need an alarm. Now, however, I've worried about a quiet house meaning I'll sleep until noon if unchecked. So, until I buy an alarm clock
Stay tuned next week for Part 2: 5 Different Pubic Hairstyles*
*no, not really
