After last night's show, during which I was mocked and otherwise insulted by a mob of uneducated bastards who think that every person on Earth has value, I felt shame. Chagrin, even. Maybe I am being too harsh on the sheeple of the world by automatically assuming that they have no value to me. Maybe there's some choice wisdom that I'm missing just by being close-minded!

So I've decided to turn over a new leaf. I thought that a good start to that would be to take the time and write a list of the things that I've gleaned from the people with whom I interact during my daily life. Maybe this will help me get some perspective on the good that people have to offer.

From Gary, the guy who cleans my pool, I could have learned:
that it's cold in Michigan
that when the wind blows, there are leaves that get in the pool
that when he puts a lot of chlorine in the pool, it will get rid of any algae

From Janice, the woman at the Burger King drive-through window, I could have learned:
that the King Size cup is now called a Large
that Antwon better stop calling her
that she needs a receipt to figure out the change for a $20 when the total cost is $17

From Rafael, the guy who delivered my paper order, I could have learned:
that I order a lot of paper
that he used to own a truck
that he thinks "Adam" is somehow pronounced "Amad"

From Jesseca, one of the house cleaners, I could have learned:
that she likes pitbulls
that she thinks pitbulls are cute
that the floor she's mopping is wet

From Annmarie, the cashier at the grocery store, I could have learned:
that ohmygod she loves that gum too
that she thinks that bread and milk belong in the same bag
that she only has twelve minutes to go on her shift

From Jigsaw, my dog, I could have learned:
that she has to pee
that she likes having her head rubbed
that she thinks my feet are fun to lick

Wow, look at all of the amazing valuable information I was missing! I was so wrong – you can learn something from everyone!

If you're new to the horrors of Avitable.com, don't miss out. Subscribe to my RSS feed!