Posts Tagged ‘fantasy’

If I Won The Lottery

Tuesday, September 8th, 2009

I'll admit it. I play the Florida Lottery. I know it's a fool's pursuit. I know the chances of winning are infinitesimal. But I also know that spending $2 a week is not an expense about which I'm really concerned.

If I won the lottery, I've got a pretty good plan in my head what I'd do with the money:

  • Pay off the house.
  • Buy a home in Italy.
  • Buy a home in Los Angeles.
  • Buy the lot next to mine here in Orlando and put an addition on the house with a full library and movie theater in it.
  • Travel throughout the US to some of the states I've never been (Alaska, Hawaii, Montana, to name a few) and throughout the world to a few countries, such as the UK, Australia, Iceland, Japan, China, and Russia.
  • Give Britt control of my business and open up a comic book store/cafe/movie theater.
  • Go live on the beach for a year and write a book. And a screenplay.
  • Pay some hot girl to tattoo my name as a tramp stamp.
  • Have a child named Thor who will be raised by a full-time nanny named Ada.
  • Get my PhD in something.
  • Bribe someone so that I can get an Academy Award.
  • Hire Gary Coleman to be my bodyguard.
  • Pay people to follow me around with trumpets, announcing my presence.
  • Ninjas.

If you won the lottery, what would you do?

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Pornucopia – Porn of Plenty

Thursday, July 31st, 2008


Thanks to those of you who tuned in for Episode 4 of "Clearly, you're retarded". The topic we discussed was whether or not porn objectifies women. If you missed it, you can download it (and should download it) here, or find it as a podcast through iTunes here, or just listen using the widget in my sidebar. It was an interesting hour – you don't want to miss it!

So, on the porntastic topic of pornography, I tried to make the point that for many men, porn is just a jumpstart to the fantasy that plays out in our heads. In fact, it doesn't even have to be porn – it could be literally anything acting as the catalyst. To further prove my point, I have decided to list just some of the non-pornographic items I have used to fantasize when spanking the bishop (and as a disclaimer, let me say that some of these were when I was relatively young, so I wasn't some old leering pedophile at the time):

  • Lingerie section of the Sears Catalog
  • Kitchen section of the Sears Catalog
  • Victoria's Secret catalog
  • Spiegel catalog
  • National Geographic
  • Judy Blume books
  • Anne of Green Gables
  • Little House on the Prairie
  • Shel Silverstein's cartoons
  • MAD Magazine
  • Box of tampons
  • Massengill Summer's Eve Douche Package
  • Teen Beat magazine
  • Ad for "massager" in back of magazine
  • Physician's Desk Reference
  • Conde Nast Travel magazine
  • Vanity Fair magazine
  • Entertainment Weekly magazine
  • Liz Phair's Exile to Guyville CD booklet
  • Madonna's Justify my Love CD booklet
  • Dirty Jokes book
  • Cracked Magazine
  • Martha Stewart
  • Guess Jeans advertisement
  • KIDS Incorporated
  • Car's license plate
  • Goonies
  • Leisure Suit Larry video game
  • Police Quest video game
  • 100 Years of Solitude by Gabriel Garcia Marquez
  • Superman comic book
  • US Weekly photo book
  • L. Frank Baum's Oz books

What strange and unusual things have you used?