I've done this before, but it's always fun.
1. Go to the "Random Article" link on Wikipedia. Write down the title of the article. This is the name of your band.
2. Go to “Random Quotations” and the last four or five words of the very last quote of the page is the title of your first album.
3. Go to Flickr and click on “Explore the Last Seven Days”. The third picture will be your album cover.
Put them all together and you get:
Try it!
After uploading my photos to Flickr from BlogHer, I spent some time searching around for some of the better photos taken of me during the conference. And because I'm nothing if not narcissistic, I thought I'd post a few here:
By Maria:
By Lindsay:
By Mr. Lady:
By me:
I'm looking for additional photos that people may have taken of me or of my shirt – if you see any on Flickr or other photo sites, please send me a link!
Is it a secret message? A part of a rat? Chocolate? Poop? A stick?
What the fuck did I find in my deodorant?
Anyone have any ideas?
UPDATE:
Here is the short email I sent to Colgate about this:
I pulled off the plastic tab to my Speed Stick Regular Scent (oops – almost wrote flavor!) Deodorant and start rolling the dial to raise the stick. Then I saw something black and horrible looking in the deodorant! I have taken pictures and uploaded them to my Flickr account here: http://www.flickr.com/photos/avitable/sets/72157604816363175/.
I'd like to know what that is. We've tried to guess, and so far the guesses are a compass, a rat tail, an alien probe, an electronic bug, a stick figure, Hershey's, the bubonic plague, and poop. I don't think it's any of these, but I'd like to know what it is, and this scares me a bit from using Speed Stick and Mennen products!
(If it is an alien probe, does it enter through the armpit area? I really don't want it to be a rectal probe, as you can imagine.)
This post will be low on talky talky and high on showy showy because I'm still recovering from Saturday night. At 4:00 Saturday afternoon, accompanied by a crack of lightning and a rumble of thunder, the gorgeous and crude ADW showed up at my door. After insisting that I suck her toes, she made me get her luggage for her one night stay. There were 14 bags, 6 of which contained only shoes.
We hung out on the porch and she punched my nuts like a speed bag for an hour while we waited for Britt to show up. ADW decided to go shower off the gorilla splooge from her hair (and the videos from the hidden camera in my guest bathroom will be available for download later at a low, low cost of $69.99 each), and I put some tranny porn up on the TV to occupy myself. About ten minutes later, I got the phone call that Britt had decided to help push a car that was stopping ahead of her on the interstate. Her method of helping was to drive directly into the back of this stopped car and leave her front bumper and headlights on the side of the road. I'm sure she'll talk more about that this week.
Once we determined that Britt was physically okay (mentally was another question altogether), we stood anxiously by the front door, alcoholic drink in hand. Finally, Britt drove the remainder of her car up to my house, stormed in like a little Brittnado, and we were off to Universal CityWalk.
Can you blame me if I was already exhausted by the time we got there?
I tried to take some pictures, but in a low-light environment, the iPhone is not exactly an optimal choice for photography:
ADW. I think.
ADW again. Or a fireworks show.
Brittini.
Luckily, Britt had her camera, so there were a couple of decent photos:
Finally, after getting back to my house around 3 AM, the girls made a video. It was about 15 minutes long and rambling and strange, but here are the highlights:
(and a direct link if you need it).
Ok. It's Sunday night, way too early, and I'm exhausted. Good night, fuckers.
Thinking about yesterday's post, I realized that I need to be a superhero.
First of all, I've already got the alliterative name. In the tradition of Peter Parker, Clark Kent, Wally West, John Jones, Lois Lane, Lana Lang, Lori Lemaris, Scott Summers, Bruce Banner, Bucky Barnes, and Max Mercury, a name like Adam Avitable clearly belongs in the comics.
Secondly, I've already got a whole array of superpowers:
1. I can make a plate of cheeseburgers disappear with super speed.
2. I'm invulnerable to trolls and insults.
3. I totally drive like Batman.
4. I can make the ground shake when I jump up and down.
5. Animals think I'm one of them and allow me to mix freely among them.
6. I can swim faster than a really slow, old turtle with only one flipper.
7. I can run faster than a snail on meth.
8. My toenails can cut through cloth like it's butter.
9. My testicles have hypnotic abilities.
10. I can ejaculate with unerring aim.
I've also got a few weaknesses that my archnemesisesisiesisis can use against me to weaken me or even kill me:
1. Vegetables.
2. A scale.
3. Small food that you have to eat with your hands or that has bones in it.
4. Bad smells.
5. Dirt.
Now all I need are two things.
First, a superhero name. SuperAvitable is too boring.
Second, a phrase to say while fighting crime. Some of the older heroes had really goofy things like "Mighty Zeus!" or "Great Gadzooks!", but I think mine should be a bit more modern.
What are your suggestions for my superhero name and superphrase?
A few months ago, I was asked to review a book called "A Unicorn is Born", by Trinie Dalton. I was so totally excited about this, because, as you all know, I really love unicorns! They're, like, the best creature ever. Much better than the stupid deer with no horns.
Within seconds of opening the book, I was enthralled. This was a magical land of unicorns, where a pregnant unicorn named Ursula is about to give birth to a brand new baby unicorn! Squeeee! There's nothing I love more than pregnant mommies and babies! Except maybe magic and rainbows.
I loved reading about Ursula's best friend Arf, a fox. Arf helped Ursula struggle and resolve her problems with her impending motherhood. It was so sweet! If I was a mama unicorn all worried about having my unicorn baby, I'd totally be nice to the foxes and wolves so they'd be my friend.
Can I just say that reading about rainbows and unicorns and magic and babies is probably the best thing in the whole wide world? I really never thought about how mommy unicorns have the same worries and concerns about raising their babies as human moms! It was, like, really deep symbolism about motherhood and stuff. Whoa.
After re-reading this magical book five or six times, I finally turned to the very last page. And guess what I found? PAGES OF STICKERS! Now I don't have to just draw my own unicorns over and over again (I named one Adamina), but I can put these stickers everywhere to let the whole world know about my love for magical unicorn mommies! Love in a totally non-gay way, of course. Like love for your mom or your grandma who smells like cookies and tobacco.
OMG I LIKE TOTALLY LIKE STICKERS OMG SWEET!!!!111 If I was a unicorn, I'd want to be bright shiny white with a sparkly horn that glowed when the sun hit it. And I'd want my name to be something magical like Ursula and her baby Uma. Maybe Anka or Uvula. These stickers are as close as I'll get to being a unicorn for now, at least until my dreams tonight!
Before too long, I had no more book to read, and the beautiful tale of the magical mommy unicorn Ursula and her baby Uma was all over. So sad. I really felt like Ursula and Arf and Uma were my best friends and I could talk to them about anything in the whole wide world, like sex and why I look different from all of the other girls in the shower.
I LOVE YOU, MAGICAL UNICORNS!
I hope that Trinie Dalton writes lots more books about unicorns and fairies and pixies and wood nymphs and babies and magic! This was the bestest book I've read since Harry Potter, and sometimes I dream that I am a unicorn flying through the sky with a magical rainbow shooting through the air from my shiny polished horn, but then I usually wake up and my sheets are sticky. Sticky with magical unicorn juice!
On Friday, Bossy visited Orlando on part of her nationwide road trip. Since I had Saturday and Sunday posts already written, this is the first chance I've had to mention it.
Since I only had a few blurry photos from my iPhone, I've had to rely on my notoriously shaky memory to recall our Friday night get-together. I seem to remember all of the women dancing on the bar, while Karl and I collected tips and cash from all of the catcalling men. I know that we made about $600, and I somehow ended up with 7 pairs of panties. Also, when I woke up the next morning, boy, was my ass sore!
Click me for the large version.
Thanks to the following people for coming!
Angie, from A Whole Lot of Nothing
Jean, from Little Miss Sunshine State
Em, from You Know, Whatever
Karl, from Secondhand Tryptophan
Maggie, from a Livejournal blog that I don't remember the URL for.
If you're in an area where Bossy is going to be visiting, I'd recommend trying to meet her. She's a very dynamic, friendly person who seems like a genuine free spirit, and Amy and I both loved having her as a guest in our home.
Have you ever had a day where you can't come up with shit to blog? That's me, right now.
I'm sitting here experiencing a random stream of consciousness while I think about what I can blog. It goes something like this:
"What can I blog? Hmm. Nothing interesting has really happened that I can talk about, I'm tired, I haven't almost killed myself in a long time, I hope I have a book in the bathroom because I know I'll be spending an hour in there soon, there's nothing good on TV to discuss except Ghost Hunters, Hilly's going to Philly, everybody's birthdays are over, a new employee starts tomorrow, Bossy comes Friday, my office is a mess, here I sit, in my underwear and socks, trying to write a post. My socks are annoying me because they both have huge holes in them and my toes poke out. Boy, my toes are horrible. Has the blogoringoboingoverse seen my toes?"
The answer, dear reader, is no. No, you have not seen my toes. Until now!
Tuesday is a busy day for me, and since I write my posts a day ahead of time, this means that I have zero time to read blogs and write a new post.
So today, I'd just like to ask you to take a minute and click on my Humor-blogs banner:
I joined Diesel's Humor-blogs.com, which is something I should have done a long time ago. The more clicks I get, combined with the review they do, means that I'll move higher up their rankings. If you happen to be a member of the site, please give me a positive review, too!
Also, while I'm imposing and using up any remaining goodwill, here are some other things you can do to show your love for all things Avitable:
Add me to your Technorati favorites:
Follow me on Twitter:
Join me on Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=811835276
Subscribe to my Flickr feed:
http://flickr.com/photos/avitable/
And, of course, you can email me pictures of your boobs at my first name at my last name dot com.
