Tag Archives: giveaway

To beard or not to beard: My Beard Adventures experience

“You should let your beard grow out,” she cupped my chin with one of her hands. For almost ten years, I’d kept my beard maintained with weekly trips to my neighborhood barber shop. In my head, there were two options: a close trim or looking homeless. It never occurred to me that there was another way.

I turned my head on my pillow to face her. “You think so? Don’t you think it would look disheveled and awful?”

She dragged her naked leg slowly up my body and pulled me closer to her. Along her journey, she discovered, not-so-subtly, that I might be ready for round two. “I think it would look sexy,” she whispered in my ear, and the might bes turned into definitelys.

So, I grew my beard out. Didn’t take long. Now it’s been over a year.

The full beard of comedian Adam Heath Avitable

It’s a fine line, however, between looking like a boy who doesn’t know how to use a razor and a man who’s breaking in the wild horse on his face. My barber visits each week became focused on shaping and edging instead of trimming. Keep the neck clean, keep the head clean, tame the sides, let nature do what she will with the front. The wiry hairs were coarse, and I worried about the pain it might inflict on the women who would deem me worthy of their time. I worried about chafing their cheeks, scraping their thighs, breaking their hearts.

That’s when I learned about the world of beard care. Beard oils and treatments. Products designed purely for softening and taming. Smelling nice and feeling good. Things every man can get behind.

Preferring to support local business as much as I can, I reached out to a company based out of Orlando called Beard Adventures. They provided me with a set of three beard oils to try for free: Lumberjack, Outback, and Black Pepper. I chose those three out of a bevy of beard care scents including spiced rum, bourbon, whiskey smash, mojito, black coffee, and more. I went home, and each day, after a hot shower, I’d choose one and rub the oil thoroughly throughout this monstrosity that has taken over my face, taming it down.

Set of beard oils from beard care company Beard Adventure

I’d travel to my daily haunts – my local restaurants, my local strip clubs, my local comedy club – supporting my local vendors, servers, and single mothers. I’d approach my friends. And strangers, because I felt emboldened.

“Smell my beard,” I’d say. Some were equally bold, planting their nose firmly in and inhaling deeply. Others required convincing. “It’s not a trick, I just want your opinion.” Some still weren’t convinced. “I’ll give you a dollar.” The last resort always worked.

And the responses were unanimous:

“Wow, that smells sexy.”
“I like that!”
“Where did you get that from?”
“Can I smell you again?”
“Amazing!”
“Now do you want a lap dance?”

Beard care can turn you from a sweaty neckbearded child into a sultry badass with a dark past. From an unhygienic nerdblaster to the savvy king of the geeks. From Hagrid to Gandalf. And I wholeheartedly recommend Beard Adventures for all of your beard care needs. And in fact, if you or a loved one has a beard that needs some tender loving care, how about an opportunity to win a free set of three beard oils with beard comb?

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Disclaimer: I was not paid for this review, and I received the products for free from Beard Adventures. I also got three lap dances, but they were free, mostly because my beard smelled so fucking awesome.

Are Ree Drummond and Adam Avitable the same person? You decide. Also, win a free cookbook!

Anyone who’s on the Internet who likes food, photography, or redheads knows Ree Drummond, aka The Pioneer Woman. She has multiple bestselling cookbooks out, a show on the Food Network, and a very popular blog.

I like to pretend that Ree and I are good friends but the truth is that we’re actually the same person. We’ve never been seen together, and we look identical. See?

Adam Avitable and Ree Drummond are the same person!

Indistinguishable! So it’s no surprise that Ree/me sent me/Ree an advanced copy of her/my latest cookbook, The Pioneer Woman Cooks: A Year of Holidays. And even signed it to me/her!

Ree Drummond and The Jerky Boys

But that’s not all. She/I also offered to send five signed copies to my/her readers!

Wait a high-faluting second, you’re saying to yourself in a voice that sounds like an old gold prospector with a white wispy beard. You and Ree aren’t the same person! I know I’ve seen you two together.

Fine. You’re right. I don’t have an awesome ranch or a TV show or bestselling cookbooks. We’re not the same person. In fact, we’ve even been photographed together:

Adam Avitable and Ree Drummond
Famous Blogger Adam Avitable with unknown fan

Ree and I do have a lot in common, though. We both love The Jerky Boys, we both think redheads are awesome, we love to eat, we both think I’m hilarious, and we both really, really love her new cookbook.

Although, as this next photo shows, I may be a bit more in love with her cookbook than she is:

Adam Avitable naked with Ree Drummond's cookbook

Don’t ask why I’m still wearing the wig.

And now the reason you’re here.

Win a signed copy of Ree’s cookbook! Not the one covering my little (ok – average-sized. FOR A WHITE DUDE.) Avitable – that one’s being sold on eBay for millions later. But a fresh one, untouched by the junk of Adam Heath Avitable, sent directly from Ree Drummond to you! And she’s such an amazing person, that she won’t just give away one. She won’t give away two. She’s giving away five copies for you. FIVE.

Plus! There’s a consolation prize! I’m giving away FIVE copies of my book, Interviews with Dead Celebrities!

What do you have to do? Well, I installed this Rafflecopter thingy, and it’s my first time using it, so hopefully it works right, but you have to leave a comment telling me your favorite holiday meal for one, mandatory entry. The rest is all optional, but gets you extra entries!

This contest ends Friday morning at 12:00 AM EST. Three days! Get on it!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

5 Years of Avitable and the World Hasn’t Ended Yet.

Today’s post marks five years of blogging for me. 1,700 posts. 40,000 comments. One million visitors. When I first started blogging, Blog Explosion and Battle of the Blogs were two ways that people found out about new blogs to read. People rented out space on their sidebars for blogs to rent. You had to use Blogrolling to see which blogs were updated, or you could just click through to each blog in your blogroll each day to see if they wrote something new. Everybody still hated Dooce. And most of you weren’t around. That first year was when I started reading some of you, although the exact dates are fuzzy.

I consider many people who I’ve only known online to be my friends. They’ve proven to be so by being there via email, phone, IM, or just through their comments, and the fact that I haven’t met many of them in person in no way detracts from the quality of friend that they are. I’ve made many friends through my blog, and while not all of them have remained friends, I truly feel enriched through the sense of community that blogging creates, through the comments, the posts, and the feeling of belonging to a group. To something bigger.

Through TequilaCon, ConFab, the upcoming BlogHer, my Halloween parties (don’t forget to sign up for the mailing list if you think you might want to come!), and random bloggers’ visits to Orlando, I’ve had the chance to solidify the connections I’ve made online by seeing the three-dimensional person. The fully-fleshed personality behind the blogging voice. And I relish every opportunity to do so.

In the last six months, it seems like Twitter has been a crutch for lazy bloggers, which has led to less blogging and less commenting. It feels like it’s led to shorter attention spans, post ideas boiled down to a tweet, and a transition from a small community to being lost in a huge crowded conversation. Yet, while I see the benefit of Twitter, blogging will always be what keeps me online.

Originally, I wanted to plan something huge for my fifth-year anniversary and have a week-long celebration, but I didn’t have the time. So I have to compress all the awesomeness into one post. And what better way to do that than with a contest with an actual prize? This is to thank each and every one of you who took the time to comment, to email, to communicate with me in some way. For each of you who read the words that I write every day. For those of you who understand that this is just one aspect of my personality and of who I am. For anyone who has gotten to know me.

What’s the prize?

An 8GB iPod touch!

What’s the contest?

It’s very simple. All you have to do is leave a comment and tell me one thing that you like about blogging. That’s it. Oh, and wish me a happy anniversary of five years blogging!

The contest is open until Saturday, June 20th, at midnight EST. After that point, a random number will be drawn and the comment corresponding to that number will win the iPod Touch.

Good luck!

America’s Next Top Moob Contest

A few nights ago, I posted this tweet on Twitter: “I’m bored. Who wants to talk to me? Or call me. Or send me pictures of their boobs.”

While the response from my female followers was severely disappointing, the men came through in spades, sending several photos of their naked breasts. And while each picture was in and of itself erotic and I was able to furiously masturbate to each of them in turn, I couldn’t decide which was my favorite.

So I’ve decided to have a contest. Let’s hold a blogosphere-wide contest to vote for the best moobs on the Internet. Women, send pictures of your husbands’ or boyfriends’ manmaries. Men, shoot your own brosts. Send the pictures to me via email [adam (at) avitable (dot) com] by Friday, May 22nd. I’ll post the photos and let you vote for your favorite. The owner of the moobs with the most votes will win the title of the 2009 Best Moobs on the Interweb and the following free T-shirt:

What are you waiting for? Men, let those puppies breathe and send a photo in today!

Who’s the lucky winner?

Here’s the direct link. Sorry for the shitty video quality. Somehow when I transferred it from Adobe Premiere, I picked the absolute worst possible quality level. Thanks to everyone who entered!


In other Avita-news, thanks for everyone for helping us have another great show last night! We talked about Facebook and Myspace and stalking and Britt yelled a lot. What could be better?

If you missed the show, download it here, or add it to your iTunes here.