Posts Tagged ‘guest blogging’

The "Avitable's Secret" Catalog…

Wednesday, July 2nd, 2008

Hey everybody, Hilly here!  Today I am filling in for Avitable and if you'll excuse me, I need to fan myself off for a moment.  Quick, someone bring me a mint julep because I do believe I'm about to swoon.  I mean, seriously, this is the fucking "big show" and I'm going to take a moment to enjoy the hell out of it.  Sure sure,  while I'd never consider myself an obscure blog reference that time forgot, I am in no way used to getting the flow of big love that I see over here every day.  It's making me glisten with glee….

Speaking of glistening, I'm totally changing the topic from the one that I told Avitable I was going to write about here today.  When he first approached me about guest-blogging (yes, that's the story I am using here…that he specifically approached me, not that he put a shout-out up on Twitter), I told him that I was planning on posting about "nepitaphs".  Here's how *that* conversation went…

Adam: i don't know what that means, but okay
Hilly: Like with all this "power of blog" talk…what would you want your net epitaph to be?
Adam: ah
Hilly: Is that too morbid?
Adam: nope
Hilly: Cause you can move on to someone else….

While *he* may have had no problem with my intended subject, I decided quite quickly that I'd much rather talk about something else that seems to have taken flight in the PRB recently…naked nudeness.  You see, I love naps more than almost anything else in this world.  One of the best perks of my job is that I get off (TWKS) between 2-3 pm every day so I always get a nice little nap, unless yanno…I have real errands to run and such.  Lately, I've been getting really naughty!  You see, I've been coming home, stripping down all the way, and taking what I like to call "the naked nap".  What that means is that I am completely naked when I climb into bed and fall asleep.  Sure sure, maybe sometimes a little something else "happens" before I actually fall asleep, but can you blame me?  My naked body is right there for the taking!  MY taking!

Oh…like you're shocked.  This may be "the big show" but it's no fucking "family show"!  Therefore nobody gasp or feign shock when I say this:  I think part of the reason that I never have slept nude in the 36 years leading up to the last few months is because, well…I always thought that it was sorta gross to have my hoopie doo (that's "pussy" for those of you on the adult channel) touching the sheets night after night.  And you know what is ironic?  I still don't!  When I go to sleep at night, I am always in a camisole pajama top and panties…yep, each and every stinking night.  It's always been that way though.  So I guess that "naked nap time" has become my own special little treat…a little taste of "sinny sin sin", if you will.

And no, it's not because of the little pleasures that may or may not take place at nap time…it's the feeling of the cool, crisp sheets against my body after a long, hard day.  It makes me feel relaxed and takes me to a far away place where I dream of being skinny and having….well, you don't need to know that part.  Besides, sometimes I'm so groggy when I wake up from a nap that I'm almost startled thinking it's morning time and that I am running late.  Once I realize that I'm hella fucking nude, I can calm back down because my brain associates the hoopie doo with the nap time.  Erm, or something like that.

This whole admission of mine makes me curious about others sleeping habits though.  I mean, would it be too much of me to ask, no beg you to tell me what you sleep in?  Of course it's not too much, people…dish it!  Do you sleep in the naked nudeness?  Do you wear only panties, boxers or briefs to bed?  Are you fully clothed?  Is there some kinky alternative which I have not yet discovered?  Let it all hang out and tell me what you do or don't wear to bed!

Avitable Kisses,
Hilly

I am looking for investors…

Monday, September 24th, 2007

…for my latest and greatest idea: a chain of candlepin bowling alleys called Fuck-a-Baby Bowl-a-Rama.

There are too many babies. I think we can all agree on that, especially in all those third world countries. Most of them are going to die anyway. I mean, Angelina Jolie and Madonna can’t adopt them all.

At Fuck-a-Baby Bowl-a-Rama we can take those unwanted babies and turn them into productive members of society, giving joy to countless thousands of people in so many ways.

Upon arriving at Fuck-a-Baby Bowl-a-Rama and paying a modest fee, you can choose a baby from any of our Holding Pens, which are segregated by continent of origin. For example, on your last visit you may have fucked a Swedish baby from our European Holding Pen. So for your next visit, you may want to sodomize a Ugandan baby from our African Holding Pen. It’s fun to compare and contrast, don’t you think? After all, variety is the very spice of life!

After you have used and degraded the baby for your own sick, twisted, and very sexy, sexy pleasure, just leave it there in the Fuck Booth and head on down to the alleys to bowl a few strings. An attendant from FABBAR will retrieve the baby and clean up any and all bodily fluids that have been left as a result of your hot baby-lovin’.

Afterwards, the used baby will be brought back to the workroom out back to be “repurposed”. First, we twist baby’s head off, hollow it out, pack it with filler, file it down, and make a lovely candlepin ball out of it.

Baby’s arms and legs are then pulled off, and the torso is placed on a machine that will fashion baby’s body into a perfectly serviceable candlepin.

And all those little arms and legs? They make tasty fried treats at our FABBAR Snack Bar. Admit it; you thought it was chicken, didn’t you?

And at Fuck-a-Baby Bowl-a-Rama we believe in doing our part to save the environment. As such, no part of the baby is wasted. All the blood, pus, and fecal matter resulting from a “repurposing” is blended and boiled into a lovely waxy substance that keeps our lanes slick and true.

So…that’s my vision. I am expecting the prospectus and some dazzling color brochures back from the printer any day now, unless the FBI intercepts them first. How much of an investment can I count on from YOU?


Today's guest post is brought to you by the illustrious and powerful Mr. Fabulous.

Guests and a weiner

Saturday, September 22nd, 2007

I'm taking a week off of blogging. From tomorrow until next Sunday, I won't be posting. I'll still be reading and commenting, but I'm giving myself a bit of a break.

Luckily, I've got quite the roster of guest bloggers set up for the next week. Here's the schedule:

Sunday, 9/23: RW
Monday, 9/24: Mr. Fabulous
Tuesday, 9/25: Britt
Wednesday, 9/26: AmyD
Thursday, 9/27: Dave2
Friday, 9/28: Crystal
Saturday, 9/29: Poppy
Sunday, 9/30: Jester

So, give them lots of love and thanks for taking the time to come over here and post!


The second item on the agenda is the contest. I asked for suggestions for the music to be the permanent accompaniment to my vlog intro last week and got almost 100 different entries. Thanks to everyone who put in the time and effort to come up with a song, especially those of you who actually synced it up with the video! It was a very, very hard decision to come up with the winner, and I had to think long and hard and listen to several of the finalists over a dozen times.

But I had to choose a winner, and so I did. Without further ado, here is my new official vlog intro set to "Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now" by Starship. Thanks to Clown for the entry!

And here's the direct link.

Thank you again to everyone who entered – you guys had some great ideas! I'll see you in a week.

Psst! I'm not here!

Wednesday, September 19th, 2007

I'm over here guest posting today.

Give me some comment love over there, will ya?