Posts Tagged ‘harry-potter’

What Not to Do When Watching Harry Potter

Friday, July 17th, 2009

Today, for Movie Friday, I'm taking my employees to go see "Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince". There's a lot of hysteria surrounding the Harry Potter movies, and in order to avoid any funny business on the part of some of my crazier employees, I've created this quick reference list of things not to do when watching a Harry Potter movie. Whatever you do, don't . . .

  • Shout "Harry, show me your broomstick" every time Daniel Radcliffe appears on screen.
  • Dress like Dumbledore in the traditional wizard way, which means going commando under those magical robes.
  • Wave your wand (or iPhone or penis or pencil or whatever) at the screen and scream "Expecto Patronum" to call forth a Patronus to protect you during the scary parts.
  • Call Snape "Hans".
  • Throw golden balls at other people in the theater and yell "Catch my Golden Snitches, bitches!"
  • Pull out your penis (or, if you're a woman, the penis of the man next to you), stroke it, and purr "Good job, Crookshanks".
  • Scream in terror every time you see a decrepit old man who looks like a Dementor.
  • Ask the screen if the carpet matches the drapes when Ginny Weasley is on screen.
  • Put a black sheet on your head, call it the cloak of Invisibility, and then walk into the other sex's bathroom.
  • Refuse to let someone sit next to you because you're "saving your seat for Buckbeaks the hippogriff".
  • Pour a soda on my head and blame it on Peeves.
  • Call your breasts or your balls Fred and George and then make people laugh at them because they're such lovable pranksters.

Follow these few simple rules and enjoy your magical Harry Potter movie experience!

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Posted in TV and Movies | 84 Comments »

Here's where I get creepy

Friday, April 18th, 2008

How could I forget? Tuesday was a day of momentous occasion, and I let it slip by with nary a mention. I blame it on my crystal meth addiction.

Since Tuesday, a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I can be happy and sing and dance and do things that would have previously made me feel dirty and shamed.

Because on Tuesday, you see, Emma Watson (aka Hermione Granger) turned 18.

I no longer have to feel weird about being a member of her fan club.

I don't have to feel bad about masturbating to this, this or this (really NSFW).

I can proudly reveal that I named my penis Hermione.

I will not be ashamed of my bids on the eBay auction for a pair of her panties.

I will no longer slink to the Harry Potter movies naked under my raincoat. I will walk in with my head high.

Now, how long until Dakota Fanning is legal?

(For those of you who feel left out by the fake naked picture of Emma Watson, here are some real naked pictures of Daniel Radcliffe.)

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Posted in Dirty talk | 70 Comments »

Ended weakly.

Monday, July 23rd, 2007

Here it is, midnight on Sunday and I'm left scratching my head. Where did the weekend go?

Saturday:

  • Up at 7, went out for breakfast. Mmmm, blueberry pancakes.
  • Watched Friday night's Monk and Dr. Who
  • Went swimming. Ass got a bit burned.
  • Watched half of Kitchen Confidential on DVD.
  • Worked on my new vlog intro animation.
  • Did my usual work.

Sunday:

  • Up at 7. Started working.
  • Worked until 10. Started reading Harry Potter.
  • Finished Harry Potter at 1:30. Watched Friday night's Psych.
  • Watched my wife paint our refrigerator.
  • Went swimming.
  • Watched the rest of Kitchen Confidential on DVD while I got Postcard Hell orders ready to ship.
  • Wrote this tripe.

I had such a long list of things I wanted to do, too, like cleaning my office (it's an absolute pigsty right now), replying to about 180 emails, creating a new postcard design for Postcard Hell, work on relaunching IT2M, etc., etc. Sigh. I need one more day. Or maybe two. Or three.

Regarding Harry Potter – I'm not going to spoil it, but it was a decent read, and a good way to end the series. It's just as hackneyed and clumsily written and cliched as the other books, but it's still fun to read as long as you don't try to be too critical.

Oh, and I seriously contemplated finding a place that would wax a man's balls. If I had a handheld video camera, I would go down there and have them do it while I recorded my face during the procedure. But, alas, I don't. Oh well.

Anybody do anything interesting this weekend?

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Posted in General | 59 Comments »