Posts Tagged ‘holidays’

The Twelve Days of Christmas

Wednesday, December 16th, 2009

On the first day of Christmas,
The internet sent to me
A brand new Nintendo Wii!

On the second day of Christmas,
The internet sent to me
Two swine flu shots,
And a brand new Nintendo Wii!

On the third day of Christmas,
The internet sent to me
Three bags of French roast,
Two swine flu shots,
And a brand new Nintendo Wii!

On the fourth day of Christmas,
The internet sent to me
Four falling stocks,
Three bags of French roast,
Two swine flu shots,
And a brand new Nintendo Wii!

On the fifth day of Christmas,
The internet sent to me
Five custom ringtones,
Four falling stocks,
Three bags of French roast,
Two swine flu shots,
And a brand new Nintendo Wii!

On the sixth day of Christmas,
The internet sent to me
Six Blu-Ray players,
Five custom ringtones,
Four falling stocks,
Three bags of French roast,
Two swine flu shots,
And a brand new Nintendo Wii!

On the seventh day of Christmas,
The internet sent to me
Seven friends a-tweeting,
Six Blu-Ray players,
Five custom ringtones,
Four falling stocks,
Three bags of French roast,
Two swine flu shots,
And a brand new Nintendo Wii!

On the eighth day of Christmas,
The internet sent to me
Eight Apple iPhones,
Seven friends a-tweeting,
Six Blu-Ray players,
Five custom ringtones,
Four falling stocks,
Three bags of French roast,
Two swine flu shots,
And a brand new Nintendo Wii!

On the ninth day of Christmas,
The internet sent to me
Nine IMAX tickets,
Eight Apple iPhones,
Seven friends a-tweeting,
Six Blu-Ray players,
Five custom ringtones,
Four falling stocks,
Three bags of French roast,
Two swine flu shots,
And a brand new Nintendo Wii!

On the tenth day of Christmas,
The internet sent to me
Ten hi-def TVs,
Nine IMAX tickets,
Eight Apple iPhones,
Seven friends a-tweeting,
Six Blu-Ray players,
Five custom ringtones,
Four falling stocks,
Three bags of French roast,
Two swine flu shots,
And a brand new Nintendo Wii!

On the eleventh day of Christmas,
The internet sent to me
Eleven PCs crashing,
Ten hi-def TVs,
Nine IMAX tickets,
Eight Apple iPhones,
Seven friends a-tweeting,
Six Blu-Ray players,
Five custom ringtones,
Four falling stocks,
Three bags of French roast,
Two swine flu shots,
And a brand new Nintendo Wii!

On the twelfth day of Christmas,
The internet sent to me
Twelve banks imploding,
Eleven PCs crashing,
Ten hi-def TVs,
Nine IMAX tickets,
Eight Apple iPhones,
Seven friends a-tweeting,
Six Blu-Ray players,
Five custom ringtones,
Four falling stocks,
Three bags of French roast,
Two swine flu shots,
And a brand new Nintendo Wii!

Click for larger version

Click for larger version

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Christmas Card

Monday, December 22nd, 2008

This was going to be the Christmas card I sent out this year, but I decided against it. It just felt too hackneyed to me (click to enlarge):

Jesus vs. Santa

The one I actually sent will get posted after Christmas sometime, once everybody's received theirs. On Thursday, I finally finished the card design and mailed out 275 cards across the US and Canada, also reaching the UK, Australia, and the Philippines. And by "I mailed out", I mean I provided a company with the image for the card, an address book, and let them print the cards, add stamps, and mail them for me. It's the thought that counts, though.

Also, thanks to Heather for the delicious-looking chocolate pecan pie (and gift!) that arrived on Friday. I haven't had a chance to eat it yet, but I plan on consuming the entire thing in the immediate future. You are awesome!

C is for cookie. Well, and cock.

Thursday, December 18th, 2008

Thank you to my favoritest blogger of all time, Amanda, who is the only person this wonderful holiday season who showered me with delicious cookies. She's a very busy student and she still managed to find the time to bake some delicious goodies and package them up and mail them to dear old me. (I also completely neglected to thank Grant for the delicious gourmet popcorn that he sent.)

I love getting cookies during the holidays. And cakes and brownies and other sweets.

Are you getting the hint?

No?

How about this?

My address is:

Adam "Cookie Monster" Avitable
605 Birch Blvd
Altamonte Springs, FL 32701

Am I being too subtle?

I can say, without any hyperbole or exaggeration, that I will literally love you forever if you send me cookies.

Sweet!

I'll go wait by the mailbox right now.

Christmas and political correctness

Monday, December 8th, 2008

On Twitter last night, this twat declared that wishing "Merry Christmas" to someone who is not Christian (or Xtian, as she put it) is offensive, arrogant, insensitive, and bad manners (never mind the hypocrisy that calling Christians Xtians is highly offensive). Now, I know that she's one of those overly sensitive idiots, because when I deigned to call her unsolicited opinion obnoxious, she decided that meant I was Anti-Semitic. Her abject stupidity aside, I had to discuss this sentiment she expressed.

Wishing someone a Merry Christmas is in no way insisting that they have to celebrate Christmas. It doesn't mean they have to buy a Christmas tree or believe in Jesus or hang stockings on their chimneys or tell their kids about Santa Claus. They don't have to be jolly or sing carols or exchange gifts. The sentiment expressed is simply wishing the recipient a happy holiday season.

In addition, Christmas has really become much more than just a Christian holiday. Christmas Day is a national, federal holiday. The sentiment of a merry Christmas can be seen as simply as a desire for the recipient to enjoy the entirely secular day off from work that falls on December 25th.

Finally, anyone who is vocalizing a positive sentiment, who is just wishing someone well, hoping for that person's happiness and well-being, is not doing anything offensive. The only people who could possibly be offended by that would be someone who (1) likes to just start shit, (2) is overly sensitive beyond what any rational person could reasonably expect, and/or (3) a fucking moron.

This doesn't mean that you can't find it annoying. Of course you can be annoyed, whether you don't want to have a good day or you don't celebrate any holidays or you're just a bah, humbug type of person. I get annoyed when people tell me "have a blessed day", but I'm not offended. For fuck's sake, they're hoping that my day is a good one – what could I find offensive in that? If my Jewish friends wished me a happy Chanukah or my Hindi friends wished me a most felicitous Diwali or my Muslim friends wished me a gracious Eid, I would appreciate being included and, more importantly, appreciate the positive well wishing.

Am I missing anything? Is there a good reason for a non-Christian to be offended by a "Merry Christmas" or a non-Jew to be offended by a "Happy Chanukah" or anything like that? Or is it just a case of someone trying to find a way to be offended for the sake of being offended?

Please don't hesitate to leave your opinion, even if it disagrees with mine. Unlike Margalit, I do not delete, edit, or moderate comments that are not spam.

Who wants a Christmas card?

Wednesday, November 19th, 2008

It's that time of year, fuckers. I'm preparing my list of names and addresses for holiday cards.

Last year we sent out this one:

In 2006 we sent out this one:

And the year before, we sent out this newsletter:

Front side (PDF)
Back side (PDF)

If you got one or all of these, chances are I already have you in my address book, and you'll be getting a new card or letter this year. However, if you've moved or just want to make sure that you're included, just follow these simple instructions to make sure you're on this year's mailing list. Please follow the instructions exactly as it makes it much easier for me:

Email me. My email address is my first name at my last name dot com. My name is Adam Avitable.

The subject line of the email must be "Christmas Cards 2008".

In the email please put your name and address in this format:

First Name Last Name
Street Address
Address Line 2 (if any)
City, State Zip
Country (if not USA)

That way, when I put it in a spreadsheet, it's much easier to parse the data.

This year's card may be offensive. It may be horrifying. It may be horribly boring. It may be late. I have no idea because I haven't even thought about it yet!


In other Avita-news:

Tonight is a brand new installment of "Clearly, You're Retarded"!

Should kids be allowed out of the house before they're 18? What places are acceptable to bring small children? When should parents just leave their brats at home? Since my preference is that kids should just stay locked in a closet until they're old enough to drive, we have a lot to talk about!

Britt and I are going to discuss when parents should leave their kids home from 9 PM to 10 PM EST on Talkshoe. You can listen live online at Talkshoe.com, or download the Talkshoe application and you can chat and even call in!