Posts Tagged ‘hot blogger calendar’

Masturbation that lasts the whole month of July . . . guaranteed

Tuesday, December 9th, 2008

Here's the thing. I'm going to go to BlogHer 2009 this July.

There are several reasons for this. First and foremost, it's in Chicago, and I have several friends who live there that I want to see.

Secondly, I think it could be a good experience to do once, to see what happens at these conferences and see if there's anything that can be learned. Although, since I know that I know everything, I doubt it, I am open to the slight possibility that someone might teach me something.

Finally, I really want to speak there. Really. I think I have a good perspective to offer to the attendees. It's clear that I'm not in their typical demographic, and I think that an outsider's point of view could prove invaluable to those who are interested in expanding their audience to all available markets.

So, in order to be a speaker, I could just wait for them to beat down my door asking me to speak, but I don't think that will happen. The only chance I have of this happening is to get enough people to nominate me as a speaker.

You'll help, won't you? Pretty please?

All you have to do is send an email to Elisa at BlogHer at this address: elisa@blogher.com.

In the subject line, just say "BlogHer 09 Speaker Nomination"

And in the body, say something like:

"Dear Elisa,

My name is _____ and I would like to nominate Adam Heath Avitable from Avitable.com to be one of the speakers for the BlogHer 2009 conference. I understand that your speakers are almost always women, but I think he would have a unique and valuable perspective on being a personal blogger who's a man in a blogging world that is heavily populated by women bloggers. This perspective could prove fruitful to those bloggers who embrace male readers or want to open their blogs to new audiences.

Adam is charming, funny, and an excellent public speaker. Your conference wouldn't be complete without him!

Regards,

YOUR NAME"

The bonus? If I get chosen as a speaker, I'll totally do it wearing a dress. That'll be hot.

Thanks to everyone who emailed Elisa. She emailed me this reply:

BlogHer Conferences have two kinds of programming, sessions *we* program, and sessions that are programmed by the community.

BlogHer Programmed sessions:
Until now, and for 2009, programmed sessions feature 100% women speakers. This policy is not set in stone, rather we poll attendees after every event, big and small, and take their pulse on how important our community feels this policy is. So far, the vast majority of our community and attendees still find this policy highly important to them. (While women may indeed be the majority of bloggers and Internet users, as you have pointed out in the past, they are still a noticeable minority of speakers on the roster at most blogging or Internet or tech or marketing conferences.) All this to say: The policy may change, and the longer we stay around, the more likely we will get to a place where it is no longer so important to the community.

Community programmed sessions:
There will be two opportunities to participate, however, that are open for men to submit:

1. The Community Keynote
We launched a new keynote tradition this year by having Community Keynote which consisted of about 20 bloggers reading pieces across a variety of subject matter areas. We will have an open period for people to submit their own posts, or favorites from others, and then a committee narrows down the list to ~20 bloggers. We currently plan to open the submission process on April 15th or so.

2. Room of Your Own sessions
When we announce our skeleton schedule (coming soon) of 30 programmed sessions, it is inevitable that we cannot program all the many topics and interests from the hundreds of submissions we receive. So we set aside two additional break-out rooms for what we call Room of Your Own sessions, 12 additional sessions that will be programmed by the community itself. We put out an open call for people to reserve their time slots. Some years we have gotten so many people wanting to reserve that we set up a little community poll to choose. Some years we don't need to do that, and pretty much everyone who wants a slot gets one. We currently plan to open the call for Room of Your Own sessions as soon as we announce the skeleton programmed schedule, some time next week.

FYI: This year we did have a "BlogHims at BlogHer" Room of Your Own session, so if the interest is there, the session can be there.

Hope you will submit for the Community Keynote (there will be a Humor category) and/or sign up for a Room of Your Own session when we launch those.

Thanks for your interest in BlogHer '09, I'll look forward to meeting you in July.

Best regards,

BUT THAT'S NOT THE ONLY REASON THAT JULY IS ALL MASTURBATION ALL THE TIME!

It's not this picture:

Butt shot

It's not this picture:

Avitable_pool_1

But, in the month of July on the 2009 Hot Male Blogger Calendar, there is a photo of me that you totally need to have hanging in your office, kitchen, laundry room, or wherever you keep a calendar.

The calendars have been printed and are shipping now. Make sure you get one before they're all out!


2009 Hot Blogger Calendar – The Men:
Buy Now


2009 Hot Blogger Calendar – The Women (including Miss Britt!):
Buy Now

I'm a fucking hot blogger and don't you forget it

Sunday, October 26th, 2008

So, everybody remembers that little Hot Blogger Calendar contest, right?

Well, the photos have been taken, and I submitted another one after my first one was rejected. The calendars are being put together and they are now available for pre-order! The calendars will begin shipping in mid-November just in time for Christmas or Chanukah or Diwali or Kwanzaa.

They're only $12.00 each for 12 months of hot bloggery goodness. They'd make great calendars to hang in your office, to give to family members, and to masturbate to each evening.

I can't show you the photo of me that they used, but I'll show you one that we decided not to use:

Avitable_pool_1

You don't want to miss out, do you?


2009 Hot Blogger Calendar – The Men (including Avitable and NYCWD!):
Buy Now


2009 Hot Blogger Calendar – The Women (including Miss Britt!):
Buy Now

Hot Nude Male Blogger Calendar

Friday, October 10th, 2008

The photo shoot for the Hot Blogger Calendar was last weekend, and I was unable to go. I have to get my own photos taken and submit them for approval.

This was one that was rejected for being too risque, because they are trying to keep the calendar appropriate for all audiences.

It might be too late to tell those of you with weak stomachs to avert your eyes. Those of you who are masochists can click the image for a larger version:

Adam_Pool

You lazy fuckers should be at work.

Monday, September 1st, 2008

Today's Labor Day, a holiday that I hate. Since it's a Federal holiday, it's just a way for the government to fuck over those of us who are employers, even though we'd really like our employees to come into work and, maybe, labor!

It seems to me that for the Federal government to set aside a day celebrating the corrupt, overblown, wage-inflating labor unions is kind of stupid. It's like having a day remembering a war that you lost, or recognizing deadbeat dads. Or herpes.

I think that the US has gone a bit overboard with Federal holidays. There are a few that I'm okay with, like Thanksgiving, New Year's, Independence Day, and Christmas. I only find Christmas acceptable because I view it as being an all-encompassing holiday that covers Chanukah, Rosh Hashanah, Diwali, and any of the holy days during Ramadan. They should just rename it "Winter Holiday", though.

Here are the official Federal holidays with which I have an issue:

Martin Luther King, Jr. Day: I understand that he was a great man, and he has inspired thousands of people, but giving people the day off work in his name just seems unnecessary. There are plenty of great men who don't get holidays. If you want to celebrate MLK's message, why not make it a holiday where you try to pay it forward or help someone, but only after you worked your normal 8-hour day.

President's Day: They're elected officials. Public servants. Having a day to celebrate them for doing their fucking jobs is one of the reasons that presidencies and the senate and congress have become almost like royalty. Maybe we should have a McDonald's Burger Flipper Day. They're just doing their job, too.

Memorial Day: I think it's a great idea to have a holiday that remembers those who sacrificed their lives defending our country. But can't we merge this holiday and Veteran's Day into one? I mean, Memorial Day is for the dead soldiers and Veteran's Day is for the ones who survived, so I don't think you'd have any conflicts with the parade.

Labor Day: I've already explained why I think this is a useless holiday.

Columbus Day: It just seems to me that since we already have a day that celebrates when we became a nation, so remembering the guy who wasn't actually the first person to discover the land we stole from someone else is pretty obnoxious. It's like we just continue patting ourselves on the back.

And this just covers the Federal holidays – there are plenty of other ridiculous holidays like Grandparent's Day, Arbor Day, Earth Day, April Fool's Day, but at least I don't have to let my employees take the day off to celebrate them.

In other, completely unrelated news, the contest over at Hot Blogger Calendar was over at midnight last night. They hid the vote tallies all day on Sunday, but unless there was a huge upset, I should still be in the top 12, and I want to thank everyone who voted. As I promised (or as I threatened, depending on your perspective), since I received well over the number of votes needed to strip the last piece off of my picture, you can click here to see the final Avitable reveal.

Thanks again to everyone and enjoy Labor Day, you shiftless, money grubbing, worthless, lazy bastards.

Idiots, idiots everywhere and not a drop to drink

Friday, August 29th, 2008

For every smart, normal client we have, we have 10 who are gob-smacked morons. I purposely obfuscate the nature of the business I run for obvious reasons, but for clarity's sake, just understand that we sell a service to professionals – people with advanced degrees and higher education.

Here's an example of a recent phone call we received. I've made a few changes for privacy:

The phone rings.

Me: Hi and thanks for calling The Fucknuttery. This is Adam.
Them: ….
Me: Hi and thanks for calling The Fucknuttery. This is Adam. Can I help you?
Them: ….
Me: Hello?
Them: Hello?
Me: Can I help you?
Them: Hello?
Me: Hello?
Them: Is this The Fucknuttery?
Me: Yes. Can I help you?
Them: I'm looking to purchase some fucknuts, but I can't tell how to order them on your website.
Me: Did you see the section of our website called "How to order?"
Them: No, it's not there. I also couldn't figure out how much the fucknuts cost.
Me: Did you see the section of our website called "Pricing?"
Them: I don't see a section like that. I also don't know what fucknuts are.
Me: You don't know what they are?
Them: No, but I was searching for dipshits, and your site told me I had to buy fucknuts instead.
Me: I don't think our site says that – dipshits are a completely different product. We don't sell those or mention those anywhere.
Them: I'm looking at your site right now and it says, under where I typed "dipshits", "Did you mean fucknuts?"
Me: What website are you on?
Them: Ummm, let me see. double-u double-u double-u dot google dot com.
Me: That's not our website.
Them: You're not Google?
Me: No, we are The Fucknuttery.
Them: Well, why is your information on here?
Me: Because you're on a search engine. We are just one of the listings on there.
Them: Well, what's your website?
Me: www…
Them: www…
Me: TheFucknuttery.com
Them: Vfucknuttery.com?
Me: No, [thee].
Them: "V"?
Me: No, [thuh].
Them: What?
Me: T
Them: T
Me: H
Them: H
Me: E
Them: E
….
Them: Ohhhh! [thee]!
Me: TheFucknuttery.com
Them: Okay, got it. Now what exactly is a fucknut?
Me: It's a specific type of widget designed to help you flockle your hoosenagel.
Them: How much does it cost?
Me: Around $3,000, but we guarantee that it will work or you get a full refund.
Them: That's too much money. I can flockle my own hoosenagels. *click*


Sidenotes of Whoredom and Pushiness:

If you're thinking of coming to the Halloween party, please go comment on the page I've set up: http://www.avitable.com/neverwas/.

As of 11:35 tonight, when I'm writing this post, I have 202 votes in the Hot Male Blogger Calendar contest. That's one shy of me having to remove the last piece of the picture! Wow, you guys are impressive!

I'm assuming that by Sunday at midnight, I'll get at least one more vote, so plan on the big reveal to happen Monday. Don't stop voting, though! I want to make sure I stay in the top 12 until voting ends!

MajorLeagueAvitable_9

Keep voting by using this link or the widget below.

Finally, did you see my new T-shirt? It's stolen from a bumper sticker that RW saw:

Housekeeping?

Thursday, August 28th, 2008

Today seems like a good day to follow up on a few things.

First, I've set up a page for all of the Halloween information to be compiled, so you can find all the information about hotels and flights, buy T-shirts and raffle tickets, and ask questions specific to the party. This will also be where I'll probably put photos and stuff after the party, so bookmark it now. http://www.avitable.com/neverwas/

Second, the Halloween Raffle has now sold 63 tickets! That means we're almost to 100 when I can give away the Grand Prize ticket of a round-trip airplane ticket to Orlando. All you need is $7 for one ticket. Void where prohibited by law. Buy your tickets here.

That's all about the Halloween party on today's post – go check out the Neverwas page I've set up for some new information, and to answer some important questions I have for you.

Third, thanks to those of you who listened to our show last night about the drinking age. If you missed the show, download it here, or add it to your iTunes here.

Finally, let's talk about the Hot Blogger Calendar competition. Last night when I wrote my post, I had 113 votes. I told you that I would remove on article of clothing from this nude picture for every subsequent 10 votes I received.

As I check the results right now, I have 181 votes. So that's 68 votes all today – holy shit! I guess that means that six more pieces of clothing have to come off. That only leaves three pieces of clothing, and you have until Sunday at midnight to vote 30 more times!

MajorLeagueAvitable_7

Keep voting by using this link or the widget below. If I get more votes than I have pieces of clothing, I'll have to come up with something even more ludicrous, so keep them coming!