Posts Tagged ‘i-have-a-dream’

AvitaWeek 2008: MLK who?

Monday, January 21st, 2008

As you might have noticed from the header (if not, reload the page), this is AvitaWeek 2008. I plan on shamelessly celebrating my 31st birthday all week long and soliciting presents, cards, and well wishes. I'm even going to keep posting links to my wishlists!

To kick off the week, since today is also Martin Luther King, Jr. Day, I've decided to demonstrate just how alike the good Reverend and I are.

Martin Luther King, Jr. . . Adam Heath Avitable . . .
Had his name mistakenly recorded as "Michael King" on his birth certificate until 1934. Had his name recorded as "Alana Avitable" on his birth certificate until the surgery in 1983.
Founded the Southern Christian Leadership Conference, a group created to harness the moral authority and organizing power of black churches to conduct non-violent protests in the service of civil rights reform. Founded the Church of Holy Avitableness, a group created to harness immoral women and organize them into a black hole of violence, profanity, and pornography.
Was inspired by meeting Mahatma Gandhi in India. Was aroused by watching Meg Ryan in The Doors.
Caused fear in the US government to such a degree that the FBI tapped his phones for six years. Caused fear in women to such a degree that he only touched himself for twenty-one years.
Led the March on Washington for Jobs and Freedom. Led the March on Hollywood to Renew Veronica Mars.
Spoke strongly against the United States' role in the Vietnam War, turning the media against him. Compared himself with a famous assasinated black leader, turning the blogosphere against him.
Was shot by an assassin's bullet in a hotel in Memphis in 1968. Dodged a bullet by not ordering oysters in a restaurant in Memphis in 2001.

With apologies to Martin Luther King, Jr. Because I have a fuckin' dream too.

I have a dream that one day long pants will be outlawed, and only outlaws will wear long pants.

I have a dream that one day from the golden arches of McDonald's, the food will contain no calories but still retain their greasy deliciousness.

I have a dream that one day even the state of Florida, a state sweltering with the fucking humidity, oppressed with blue-haired drivers, will be transformed into an air-conditioned oasis of freedom from slow driving.

I have a dream that the four hundred children I have scattered over this earth will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the gorilla hair on their back but by the content of their character and the size of their huge penii.

I have a dream today!

I have a dream that one day every vagina shall be exalted, and every breast shall be made perfect, the rough places will be made smooth, and the crooked penii will be made straight; and orgasms shall flow like the river.

This is our hope, and this is the faith that I sleep nightly with.

With this faith, we will be able to hew out of the mountain of despair a cock of hope. With this faith, we will be able to transform the jangling discords of our nation into a beautiful symphony of boobs and sex. With this faith, we will be able to work together, to mutually masturbate together, to grope together, to go to jail together, to stand up with an erection together, knowing that we will all be naked one day.

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