Today's Lazy Sunday is going to be a bit different. Typically, I work in a few pop culture references. Some are obscure, some are not. For example, last week, one of my answers was "They've gone plaid", which was clearly a reference to Spaceballs. I think most people miss them and don't appreciate all of the hard work that I've put into trying to come up with these allusions.
Well, I will no longer be underappreciated. My solution is very simple: I shall now bribe all of you to search desperately for my clever references.
From this point forward, every Lazy Sunday will continue to have several movie or television references. They might be a quote, a situational reference, an offhand remark or a subtle allusion, but they will be there. And to the sharp-eyed fucker who can find all of them and gives me the numbers and movie or television show names in the comments, I will reward you with glory and thanks. Oh, and a prize!
What's today's prize, you might ask? How about an iPod Shuffle?
Want to win it? Just find and guess the references, along with the corresponding numbers. If there are multiple people who guess correctly, I will choose one of the names at random and select my winner that way.
Contest ends Monday at midnight EST. Canadians may be required to do a small math problem in order to win.
A few additions (8:57 AM EST, 2/24/08):
1. If I actually name a TV show or movie as an answer, that clearly isn't going to be one of them. That's a bit too obvious, don't you think?
2. If you get rid of Roxanne, Dora, and Oz, there are 7 actual references and allusions that you should be able to pick up.
3. You get two tries. After that, feel free to comment, but if you keep adding ones on, they're not going to count.
Thanks to Kapgar for this one. There are 7 movie or television references to find.
1. Do you like blue cheese?
No, but I have blown cheese.
2. Have you ever smoked heroin?
The only thing I like to do with heroin is put it in little balloons and shove the balloons up my ass.
3. Do you own a gun?
Well, I certainly don't have a license to carry what's in my pants.
4. What flavor do you add to your drink at Sonic?
Lime-semen.
5. Do you get nervous before doctor's appointments?
I used to for my prostate exams. But then I found a doctor who started taking me to dinner and a movie first.
6. What do you think of hot dogs?
I think the combination of rat tail, raccoon feet, pigeon head, and boot tongue is lip-smackingly delicious.
7. Favorite Christmas song?
I saw Daddy Kissing Santa Claus's Penis.
8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
A Weight Gain 4000 shake. I'm trying to bulk up.
9. Can you do push ups?
Yes. I do them at such a high speed that it just seems like I'm laying on the floor, though.
10. What do you order at Starbucks?
Large cheese pizza.
11. What’s your favorite piece of jewelry?
My spleen piercing.
12. Favorite hobby?
Skinny prank phone-calling.
13. How do you eat your eggs?
I suck them out of the uterus with a straw.
14. Do you have A.D.D.?
No.
15. What’s one trait you hate about yourself?
My inability to . . . . ooh, shiny!
16. Your eye color?
Stripper pole silver
17. Name three thoughts at this exact moment?
1. I've never actually seen a stripper pole. Are they bronze?
2. Am I strange for having no desire to ever go to a strip club?
3. Ooh, shiny!
18. Name three things you bought yesterday?
Do sex acts from donkeys count as "things"?
19. Three drinks you regularly drink?
Diet Coke
Diet Coke with Lime
Diet Coke with Lemon
20. Current worry right now?
I wonder if this contest is going to be too subtle.
21. Current hate right now?
Edible panties that taste like limburger cheese.
22. Favorite place to be?
Oz. The magical land, not the prison.
23. How did you bring in the New Years?
Ohhhhh. I thought it was the Nude Years! No wonder the host was so horrified.
24. Where would you like to go?
To that place in France where the naked ladies dance.
25. Name three people who will complete this?
Larry, Curly, and Moe.
26. Do you own slippers?
Yes, with pictures of Dora the Explorer on them.
27. What shirt are you wearing?
I'm topless right now. Well, except for the sports bra.
28. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets?
No. Every time I try to jump into bed, I just slide right off the other side.
29. Can you whistle?
Only rectally.
30. Favorite color?
Mauve.
31. Would you be a pirate?
No. I'm not really a booty man.
32. What songs do you sing in the shower?
I only take baths, and I like to make my shampoo and conditioner bottles fight for superiority.
33. Favorite girl’s name?
Anything Irish.
34. Favorite boy’s name?
Adam. Or Thor.
35. What’s in your pocket right now?
A half a pack of cigarette, a tank of gas, and my sunglasses.
36. Last thing that made you laugh?
Steve Martin in Roxanne.
37. Most frequently dialed phone number?
1-800-AVITABLE. And I'll keep dialing it until someone actually answers and says "1-800-Avitable, how can I help you?"
38. Worst injury you’ve ever had?
Caught a bazooka round at Little Big Horn. Or was it Okinawa? The one without the Indians. My eyes are ceramic now.
39. Do you love where you live?
Home is where you bury the hookers.
40. How many TVs do you have?
I refuse to answer this question until my wife lets me get one for the bathroom.
41. Who is your loudest friend?
Oh, you know.
42. How many dogs do you have?
I refuse to answer this question until my wife lets me get one for the bathroom.
43. What are you thrilled about right now?
Toilet dog!
44. Do you have a crush on someone?
Hulk Hogan.
45. What is your favorite book?
Chicken Soup for the Hairy Gorilla Geek Soul
46. What is your favorite candy?
It's NOT Turkish Delight.
47. Favorite Sports Team?
The San Francisco Snowballers.
48. What song do you want played at your funeral?
I want people to sing "I Say a Little Prayer" in unison.
49. What were you doing at 12 AM last night?
Stripping. It's my night job.
50. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up?
I hope I didn't eat my underwear again in my sleep. I was dreaming that I was eating pancakes.
