Late last night, a neighbor down my street, Phillip Spicklefritz, passed away at the age of 94. While he may not have been famous, I thought he deserved an interview as well:

Me: Thanks for joining me Phil.

PS: So, this interview? Does it go on the radio? The picture box?

Me: No, no. It goes on the Internet. I'm only a journalist on the Internet.

PS: The "Innernet"? What's that? Ha! Sounds like some kind of tire.

Me: Well, to move on, is it true that you wrote a letter to Cary Grant where you called him a "cad"?

PS: I sure did! He was a hippie, too! But at least he was better than that homo-

(There is a banging at my door. Someone shouts "Ah . . Let me in!")

Me: Who is it?

Unknown Person: It's Teddy Kennedy. Open the dooah!

Me: Wait, how do I know that it's you?

Unknown Person: I ah just died on Toosdey.

Me: Lots of people died. Let me ask you – what's your favorite soup?

Unknown Person: The ahnswah is chowdah.

Me: And how would you get your vehicle into a designated waiting area?

Unknown Person: Umm, ah, you would ah pahk the cah?

Me: Okay, and what do you think about Marilyn Monroe?

Unknown Person: She was ah hooah who could ah ruined my brothah!

Me: Finally, what do you like on an ice cream sundae?

Unknown Person: Ooh. I love jimmies! They ah wicked awesome!

Me: Hm. Well, I'm not convinced. You could be some Southie who wants to rob me.

Unknown Person: Oh, fahk you you fahking mother fahkah! I was ah Senatah fah the United States of Americker! This will be yooeh fahkin' lahss!

Me: I'm calling the cops if you don't leave now!

Unknown Person: Fahn. I'm outta heah.

Me: Now that's over, Mr. Spicklefritz, let's get back to our interview.

PS: ZZZZZZZzzzz……

Enjoy this interview? Check out my other dead celebrity interviews:

John Hughes
Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett
Walter Cronkite
Billy Mays
Ed McMahon
Stephen Hawking
Robert Novak
Caylee Anthony
David Carradine
Martin Luther King, Jr.

If you're new to the horrors of Avitable.com, don't miss out. Subscribe to my RSS feed!