Today, for Movie Friday, I'm taking my employees to go see "Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince". There's a lot of hysteria surrounding the Harry Potter movies, and in order to avoid any funny business on the part of some of my crazier employees, I've created this quick reference list of things not to do when watching a Harry Potter movie. Whatever you do, don't . . .

• Shout "Harry, show me your broomstick" every time Daniel Radcliffe appears on screen.
• Dress like Dumbledore in the traditional wizard way, which means going commando under those magical robes.
• Wave your wand (or iPhone or penis or pencil or whatever) at the screen and scream "Expecto Patronum" to call forth a Patronus to protect you during the scary parts.
• Call Snape "Hans".
• Throw golden balls at other people in the theater and yell "Catch my Golden Snitches, bitches!"
• Pull out your penis (or, if you're a woman, the penis of the man next to you), stroke it, and purr "Good job, Crookshanks".
• Scream in terror every time you see a decrepit old man who looks like a Dementor.
• Ask the screen if the carpet matches the drapes when Ginny Weasley is on screen.
• Put a black sheet on your head, call it the cloak of Invisibility, and then walk into the other sex's bathroom.
• Refuse to let someone sit next to you because you're "saving your seat for Buckbeaks the hippogriff".
• Pour a soda on my head and blame it on Peeves.
• Call your breasts or your balls Fred and George and then make people laugh at them because they're such lovable pranksters.

Follow these few simple rules and enjoy your magical Harry Potter movie experience!