For those of you who read me and are not going to BlogHer, I apologize in advance. I've written a few posts over the next week that will be a bit more centered around the conference, but hopefully there are a few little tidbits scattered within that will still make it worthwhile to read.

On Wednesday, I will be arriving in Chicago to attend a conference of personal/life bloggers that is 95% women. There will be around 1400 people in attendance, and it's likely that less than 10% of those people will have any idea who I am. This means that there will be a lot of people whose only interaction with me will be a brief hello, leaving no real impression of who I am.

So here's a brief introduction, followed by some information where you can find me at BlogHer if you're so inclined to seek me out.

Avitable is my last name. It is pronounced "Uh-VIT-uh-bull." Here is a video that may be helpful:

My name is Adam Heath Avitable. I am a lawyer who never practiced law. I am a huge movie and TV buff. I'm a computer geek. I like comics. I am not what you would call a "guy's guy". I don't get my hands dirty. I couldn't fix a car if I had to. I get my eyebrows waxed. I love the Gilmore Girls and Sex and the City. I would rather talk on the phone for hours than watch sports. I would rather stab myself in the eye than watch sports, to be honest.

I post on this here blog every day of the week. Most of my posts are humorous, although that may be a subjective opinion on my part. I try to reply to every single comment that I receive, and the 100th comment is just as important to me as the 1st. I'm also on Twitter and Facebook, but I think that Twitter makes lazy bloggers even lazier, and doesn't have the sense of community and togetherness that blogging does.

I have a very dark sense of humor, and I'm quite crude. I post naked pictures of myself, including in a Letter to my Body post that modeled the ones done by so many women through BlogHer last year. If you can't handle sarcasm, a healthy disregard for modern conventions, and infantile humor, you probably don't want to read me. I'm sure there's a nice righteous Christian blog that can help you be a better wife, SAHM to your fourteen children, and Palin 2012 supporter.

If you're coming to BlogHer, I'll be arriving on Wednesday afternoon and staying until late Sunday. If you have my cell phone, you can text me anytime. If you don't have my cell phone and would like the number, please say so in the comments and I'll email you. And if after all of this, you're still interested in meeting me, here are a few places where I know I'll be:

1. Come hear me speak and get free swag! On Saturday, from 10:45 AM until noon, I am co-hosting a panel at BlogHer with two other male bloggers, Jim from Busy Dad Blog and Matthew from ChildsplayX2.

The panel is called: Vaginally challenged bloggers – the men of BlogHer. It's a panel BY men FOR women. We want to talk about your male readers – about our expectations, our interests, and our likes and dislikes when it comes to blogging and the blogs we frequent. Our panel will be moderated by the lovely, sarcastic, sharp tongued Miss Britt, and should prove to be entertaining for any of you who come.

If you're not enticed to come just to hear me, Jim, and Matthew speak and be scolded by Britt, maybe we can bribe you. The first 150 people in the room will get free swag! What other panel can promise that they're going to give you shit just for listening to them? Plus, if we get enough demand, I'll have to get on the table and do a strip tease.

For the attention deficit among you, that's Saturday, from 10:45 AM until 12:00 PM. And if you're still on the fence, here's why you should join me and my two dads instead of going to the other sessions running concurrently (should I mention that I mean this in good-natured fun?):

• TravelBloggers as Boundary-Breaking Evangelists – The only thing that would be more boring than reading a travel blog would be listening to travel bloggers talk about how awesome they are.
• Advanced Social Media, Syndication and Stats – "Social media" is one of the stupidest terms to join common usage. It's media. All media is fucking social.
• Hope and Change in Action – Oh, look, women have changed the world. Amelia Earheart, Rosa Parks and Marie Curie called and said that you should wait until you do something real.
• Blogging as a Homeschooling Tool – Yeah, those kids are going to be fucked up anyways. No point.
• Women of Color and Marketing – Sorry, Kelly, but mine's going to be much cooler.
• Geek Labs: Stats for Word Nerds, Twitter Basics: How and Why, Apache Servers Are Your Friend, .htaccess for Bloggers – C'mon people, read a fucking book or tutorial. And if you can't figure out Twitter with all of the explanations and videos out there, maybe you should just give up on using a computer.

2. Come hear my best friend speak about her vagina! On Friday, from 10:45 AM until noon, Britt will be co-hosting a panel about really personal blogging. It will without a doubt be the funniest, most entertaining panel there, and only losers would go to a different session during that time.

3. Parties – you'll be able to find me at the following shindigs:

• People's Party – Thursday, 8:30-11 PM
• Room 704 Party – Thursday, 10:30 PM – 12 AM
• BlogHer Cocktail Party – Friday, 6:30 – 8:30 PM
• MamaPopRocks – Friday, 10 PM – 12 AM
• BlogHer Cocktail Party – Saturday, 6:30 – 8:30 PM
• Cheeseburgher Party – Saturday, 10 PM – 12 AM

4. Registration Desk – From 7 AM until 10 AM on Friday and Saturday, I will be working at the BlogHer registration desk, helping get you registered for the conference.

5. Wherever Tanis, Casey and Kelly are. These three BlogHer veterans will help me survive the onslaught of estrogen by protecting me with their voluptuous breasts. Or so I hope.

See you at BlogHer!