Last night, I decided to call my little blonde (on the inside) alter-ego. I knew that, since it was after 8 PM, there was a chance that she had fallen asleep on the couch by then. Half of the time when I call that late, I get her husband, Jared, instead. We'll usually talk for a few minutes, he'll tell me that she's passed out naked and drunk in the tub again, and I'll hang up and go masturbate to donkey porn.
I walked into my office and picked up my phone. I had to pee, so I dialed quickly and walked into the bathroom with my headset on.
Right as that stream started to flow, sounding a little like Niagara Falls, I heard a male voice pick up the phone.
"Hello?"
"Hey," I said, almost shouting over the multi-decibel urine. "How's it going?"
"Good," he said. "I just woke up, actually."
"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you up."
"Nah, man. It's okay."
"Is she asleep, too?" All the while I pee more than I have ever peed in my entire life. Where the fuck did all of this come from? I know he can hear it, too – you'd have to be deaf not to.
"Nah. She's around here somewhere."
"Awesome. So, how's work going?"
"Pretty good. How about you?"
"Well, you know. Your wife's been hot and awesome, like usual." Finally, my pee stopped. I could hear again!
"What did you say? Who is this?"
"Isn't this Jared?"
"Who the fuck is Jared? And what did you say about my wife?"
"Ummmmm….." FLUUUUSSSSHHHHHH.
Click.
